Mine
by troyella17
Summary: By rule, it's hard to get over your first love. It's even harder to get over them when they come back into your life after three years. R&R please :)
1. Chapter 1

"Did you hear?"

I turned around from yelling on the phone to my boyfriend to find my best friend, Kendall, barging into my room.

As soon as she saw that I was on the phone, she covered her mouth and sat on my bed. It was the perfect excuse to get off the phone, thank God. I was so over this conversation with Lucas. And I wanted it to be over immediately.

"No, you don't understand, Luke," I told him sternly before moving the phone from one ear to the other, "Look, I have to go. Kendall just walked in. Let's just cool off and I'll call you later or something."

Except I wasn't. Why would I want to talk to him when he basically told me he doesn't know where our relationship is going. Is he serious? I mean, two years together and he doesn't know where the relationship is going? He doesn't have a clue as to if he wants to continue this to see if it could possibly lead to marriage or if you want to continue acting like two teenagers in love? No. I had a stable career now. I was moving on up. I had my shit together. He sorta did too, but I was at a point where if he wasn't the one, I had to call it off. Why waste anymore time? By the time I'm 30, I want to be married with two kids. And sure, 30's a little while away, but still. We're in love. We're serious. Why can't we talk about the future? I know it's only been two years, but we're adults. We're not teenagers. These relationships tend to move faster. You tend to make decisions about relationships sooner, you know?

"Sorry," I apologized to her before sitting on the bed next to her.

She shrugged it off as if it wasn't a big deal. "Is he still being immature?"

I laughed. I guess that's what you could call it. I call it being annoying and stupid and even more stupid, but ugh whatever. "I just don't get it. It was a simple question and it just led to weeks of tension and awkwardness and fights here and there. Why doesn't he know what he wants in life?"

Kendall was wise beyond her years so I expected some great advice, but nope. She just stayed silent for the most part, but did offer a little piece of it. "He might just be a little intimidated that he's still finishing up school and you already have a great job. Maybe he'll come around."

Let's hope so.

"What'd you want to tell me?" I switched the subject. After all, she did barge into my room. Which wasn't a big deal since we lived together in this gorgeous three bedroom condo. It was just the two of us and it was the best.

Suddenly, it looked like she didn't want to tell me, which was really weird. Didn't she come into my room to tell me something? Why was she being weird?

"Ken?"

She snapped out of it, though. "No, I just, you're obviously going to find out, but um, did you hear Troy Bolton moved back?"

Oh. That's why. "You can just say Troy," I tried to laugh it off, but it was nervousness for sure, "there aren't a lot of Troy's around so I know who you're talking about, obviously."

Kendall cracked a smile and kind of shrugged her shoulders. "Did you know?"

I shook my head. How could I possibly know that? Obviously we still have a lot of good mutual friends, and I'm still really good friends with his best friends, but I don't know, I just didn't know. And I really don't know what to think about it. "No. Why is he moving back?"

"He got married and he has a baby on the way so instead of raising her in the city, he's moving back and starting his life here."

NO WAY.

My jaw must have dropped or something because Kendall was now laughing hysterically and waving her arms in front of her face before composing herself. "Gabs, I'm kidding. He's not married. Or having a baby."

I shouldn't care. We broke up over 2 years ago. So much has happened.

"It's okay, you know?" she tells me, her face dropping, "you guys were together for 4 years. It's a complete normal reaction. You really loved him, so I can't imagine it being all great knowing he's with someone else or just the sheer fact that he could have possibly gotten married or moved on..."

"Ken, that's what happens when people break up. Obviously I knew he was going to go off and date, eventually find a wife. It was really because I thought he was maybe just a little too young for that," I tell her, "honestly. I've moved on. I'm sure he has, too. Everything's good."

Not really, though. The last time I saw him was a year ago and he had come home to visit his parents like I'm sure he has numerous of times since he's always been close to them, but we just never ran into each other. But I did one day. At the grocery store. With my mom.

It was the worst thing ever. He looked SO good. He smelled the same. His smile was as gorgeous as ever. And he still had the same piercing blue eyes that just draw you in. I mean, how could those ever go away? But still. He talked to my mom a bit and I tried my best to be completely normal about the whole thing. That was the last time I saw him and we only said 5 words to each other. Obviously I'd still think about him here and there since SO many things reminded me of him. I had so many firsts with him, so many experiences that it was hard not to think about him when I'm doing certain things or watching certain shows. It really sucked.

"You might see him at Tessa's housewarming party on Saturday," she added all while she was squinting her eyes probably so she wouldn't see my reaction.

But I reacted better than I thought I would. He broke my heart into a million pieces. I should be SO mad at him. We were young. Did I expect us to stay together forever? Yeah, maybe then, but I'm older now, much more realistic. "It's okay, Ken, I'm fine."

"Do you still want to go?"

Not really. "Yeah, I'll go. I can't stay long anyway, it's my mom's birthday, remember? We're taking her to dinner."

Kendall nodded and I could sense she felt a little awkward. She was good friends with Troy. And because of me, she kind of cut him out of her life for the past few years. Well that and he moved across the country to New York, so. But I'm sure his best friends have kept in contact with him. I don't ask.

"Oh yeah," she remembered, "so we'll go around 4, stay a couple hours then leave?"

I guess. I really did not want to go to this thing anymore. But Tessa has been a dear friend since high school and her buying a home with her darling fiance who is also my friend is something to celebrate. I had to put aside my problems and be there for her.

Even if it was going to be awkward as hell seeing my first love.

* * *

><p>"Need help?"<p>

My mom, startled, turned around and placed a hand over her chest and shook her head, "Don't do that!"

"Geez, sorry," I told her walking over to the fridge and looking for something to eat while she was slaving away on the stove. I don't know what she was making but I was starving so I needed to eat something now.

I came across some raspberries and some grapes so I took them out and grabbed some of each and poured it in a bowl before putting them away in the fridge. I grabbed the bowl and then climbed onto the counter and took a seat as I watched my mom cook something delicious, I'm assuming.

"I'm making beef staggonauf," she tells me putting the stove down a bit and mixing the beef, "are you staying for dinner? Leana and Tony are coming over in a bit. It was last minute so I didn't get a chance to call, but I'm glad you're here."

"Sure," I told her. "Where's dad?"

"Your grandma's. He went to go help her cut some lemons or something like that," she answered before walking over to the spice cabinet and getting out a few spices.

My mom made THE BEST food so there was no way I was passing up the opportunity to eat here. We had regular Sunday night dinners but those were scheduled. Now that we're older, my sister and I, we pop in and out whenever. Mostly me because I'm the one who's not married yet.

"Is Lucas coming?"

Ugh Lucas. I hadn't talked to him all day. In fact, I haven't talked to him much since we argued on the phone 2 days ago. But he was still in California visiting some family so I guess it wasn't a BIG deal since I couldn't see him anyway.

"He's still in California," I shook my head, but maybe I should fill her in about what's going on, "and I'm still mad at him."

My mom sighed and shook her head. She liked Lucas and I did, too, but sometimes that's not enough. I mean, I loved him. I'm in love with him but I need more of a commitment from him.

She agreed with me so I knew she wasn't going to lecture me. "Maybe he's just scared. Maybe he wants to move thing further along and deeper, but he's just scared. And he's thinking it over or something."

Okay, I might have left some stuff out. He flat out just ignored my question. "He's just being immature and I'm sick of it. I don't have time to waste no matter how much I love him. Sometimes that's not enough."

My mom crossed her arms and sighed, "Sometimes love is all you need."

Ugh whatever.

"Hi!"

Thank God my sister was here. She saved me from this conversation. "Hi!" I ran up to her and gave her a hug.

Between moving and having a baby, I haven't seen her as much as I would like to which is crazy since I just saw her yesterday.

But my sister and I were best friends and soul sisters so for us to not see each other everyday, it's weird. It's very weird. But she's married and she's got her own little family now so I couldn't be with her ALL the time.

"Tony's getting the baby," she tells us as she puts down the diaper bag and goes over to give my mom a kiss. "He's sleeping so he's trying not to wake him up. Lately, he's been waking up with any sudden move so hopefully he doesn't."

Alexander Anthony Cruz was born three and a half months ago and he's the most delicious baby EVER. He's seriously the cutest, sweetest thing ever. And  
>I cannot believe my sister is 25 and has a little family of her own. I'm so jealous. She got married when she was my age, well a year older, and maybe that's why I'm rushing Lucas, I don't know. And 14 months later, here's little Alex. Ugh. He's the best part of this family, for sure.<p>

"Oh, Gabs!"

I looked up at her as I was plopping grapes in my mouth, "Yeah?"

She went over to the fridge and put Alex's milk bottles in there and then turned around and leaned against it, "I saw Troy at the grocery store a few hours ago. He told me he moved back?"

Oops. I forgot to tell her yesterday. To be honest, I just wanted to forget it and hope it wasn't true. Why would I want my ex boyfriend who broke my heart to move back to town? No thank you. "Oh, yeah, I heard that, too. I don't know."

My mom and her exchanged a look and I know what they were thinking. Am I okay? Do I wanna see him? But at the same time, I knew beside wanting me to be okay, they were maybe a bit happy because they've always loved Troy. My mom swore up and down that we were going to get married and she couldn't wait while my sister told me he'd make the best brother in law and that she loves him so much. So it wasn't just hard on me, it was hard on them too.

"Have you told Lucas?"

Lucas? Huh? "Told him what?"

Leana gave me a look as if she couldn't believe I didn't know what she was talking about. "Have you told him Troy's moving back?"

Uhhhhh. I'm confused as hell. "Why would he have to know?"

"Because!" she exclaimed looking at my mom for approval, "you and Troy dated for 4 years. That's like a lifetime in the dating world. And now he's back. Don't you think he deserves to know your first love is moving back and the possibility of you two hanging out is high?"

I didn't want to think about it. "Look, we're not in high school anymore or even in the beginning years of college. We're adults and we all have lives. It's not like everyone gets together every single weekend like we used to. I'm okay. I've moved on and if I see him, I'll say hi and that'll be that."

"I'm just saying!" Leana got a bit defensive, "if Tony's ex who he dated long enough to consider marrying, I'd want to know!"

Marriage? Oh no. Troy and I weren't even thinking of marriage. Okay, maybe we'd mention it sometimes. 'If we get married, we're getting a Golden Retreiver' but that was kid stuff. We didn't mean it. We were way too young to make any life decisions at the time. Well, I guess not. He made one for us.

"I'll tell him, okay?"

Leana's face softened up. I know she was only looking out for me. "I'm sorry things didn't work out but everything happens for a reason okay? Maybe Lucas is the love of your life and you're supposed to be with him."

I don't know why she's telling me this. She's already told me this. Countless times. Well not the Lucas part. But the first part. She'd spend the months after our breakup reassuring me that God does everything for a reason and I truly do believe that, but it doesn't mean it didn't suck.

"I'll be fine. Maybe he has a fiance or a girlfriend and we can double date?"

"Gabriella, no!"

Haaaa. "Mom, I'm kidding!" I turned to her and laughed. "That would be the most awkward thing, ever."

Or Saturday could be if he went. I was not looking forward to it now.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you mad at me?"

Tessa grabbed my arms and gave me a pout as she greeted me on Saturday. She pulled me off to the side as Kendall went ahead and walked the other way with Jared to join everyone else in the back.

I had NO idea what she was talking about. Tessa was the sweetest! Why would I be mad at her? "What are you talking about?"

She looked around before lowering her voice just in case someone was to walk by, "We invited Troy," oh yeah. "And I know you probably haven't seen him  
>in a while and your breakup wasn't the most amicable, but you know how it's been. We're all still friends with him and he was moving back and Jared just thought it'd be the perfect thing. A housewarming and a welcome back party for Troy."<p>

Welcome back? Well of course everyone wants him back. He had countless friends, most of who were mine too which sucked, and he was adored. Of course someone would have a welcome back party. It's not like he abandoned them in the most cruel way. He just left for school.

"It's totally fine," I lied. It was only partially fine. This was his hometown. He could be back if he wanted to. And Jared and him are really good friends so who am I to say no? No one. "Look it's been two years. I'm fine. I'm with Lucas now. I'm sure he's happy, too. We're all adults here."

"Are you sure?" she asked worried, "we invited you first, so..."

I smiled at her. She was the sweetest. "Yes, Tess, I'm sure. I told you I can only stay for a bit anyway, so it'll be fine."

"Okay good," she smiled at me and then connected our arms together as we walked back to where everyone was hanging out. "Where's Lucas by the way? Are you guys fine or...?"

I had lunch with Tessa last week, it was a regular thing we did, after all she was one of my good friends so I clued her in on the whole Lucas thing. "It won't get any better until he comes home so... He's still in California."

"I'm sure y'all will work it out, he adores you, Gabs," she tells me as we reach the kitchen. I didn't need a tour of her house, I had already seen it before and after they fixed it up. "Y'all just hit a small rough patch. All couples go through that."

Everyone keeps saying that, but why do I feel so differently? I am positive we can work it out, but for how long until I want to talk about taking the NEXT step, you know? It's been 2 years. Surely, he has to know by now if he sees a future with me, right? Especially since we're adults, not kids.

"Yeah," I agreed with her just to keep from talking about this any longer.

"Let's go join 'em, shall we?"

I LOVE the way Tessa talks. She grew up in Texas and moved here to Arizona when she was in 7th grade, but she still talks as if she lives there and I love it. She actually got me saying "y'all" because she says it SO much and also because it's so much easier. I loved it.

"We shall."

* * *

><p>It's been about two hours and Troy still wasn't here.<p>

I don't know if he's still coming because I'm not asking, but I'm not complaining about it, either. It'd be easier this way. Maybe he'll come after I leave? After all, not everyone was here. And this was going on all night so it was very possible that he'll be coming later and just staying until the end. We did get here a bit early anyway, but that's because we have to leave at 6:30 and it is now 6:10.

"20 minutes?" Kendall asked me as she came and sat next to me on a bench in the patio.

I looked from my friend Melissa over to her and nodded, "Yeah, unless you're ready now?" I asked her. She was coming to my mom's dinner with me because duh, she's my best friend and my mom's third daughter.

She shook her head, though, "Nah, Katie just got here and I have to talk to her about a few things. But 6:30, I'll be ready."

And with that, she was up and out of sight.

"Sorry," I turned back to Melissa. We were in a deep conversation about her and her boyfriend problems which I totally related to, but she was the one spilling so I didn't want to intrude with my problems. Her first.

She smiled at me and shook her head as if it was nothing and we continued chatting. And just as I was about to tell her I should get going, I saw her eyes widen a bit before looking right at me.

"What?"

She did a sort of half smile and a nervous laugh, "Um, don't turn around. Troy, um, he just walked in..." she tells me and immediately I feel a lump in my throat, "...with Will and you'll be okay. Or do you want to go inside?"

It was so sweet how everyone was looking out for me. I mean, we were ALL friends. "I'm okay," I told her, "I actually was planning on leaving at 6:30 for  
>my mom's birthday dinner and so I don't want to make it seem that I'm leaving because it's so uncomfortable you know?"<p>

"You think he'll think that?"

I shrugged, "Probably. He walks in then I leave? Why wouldn't he? He knows I'm not his biggest fan."

When Melissa told me it was okay to turn around, I slowly turned my body so I could face forward and Melissa did the same thing so it looked like we were just sitting there observing the party. My eyes finally landed on him and he was in the middle of hugging someone and smiling while doing so.

Ugh. He looked better than ever.

He had on jeans a white tee and and a long sleeve blouse type shirt. It might sound horrible, but he looked hot. No way. He also had on the shoes I bought him 4 months before we broke it off. Ahhhh. Why did he do that?

After discreetly watching him for about 5 minutes as he made the rounds to everyone and said hi, he turned around and started walking in my direction. Shit.

"Pretend we're talking," I tell Melissa turning towards her.

She immediately turned towards me and laughed. "Is he coming this way?" she whispered/mouthed to me and I just nodded. I could see him from the corner of my eye and I just prayed he would pass me.

But I knew he wouldn't.

"Hey."

I wanted to just close my eyes and melt into a puddle right then and there, but I couldn't. I didn't want to let him see me show any type of resentment or anything. I moved on and I have to let him know that.

I turned my head and gave him the weakest of smiles, "Oh, hi."

He gave me a real smile though and said hi to Melissa as well before looking back over at me, "How have you been?"

This was so freaking awkward. I was surprising myself and I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. I could easily formulate a sentence to him, but I just hated how he was acting so nonchalant about this whole thing. Sure, I had seen him before at the grocery store, but it was like we were forced to talk because of my mom. Who knows if he actually wanted to. And I had seen him at a party when he was in town for winter break one year but we didn't talk at all. It was barely a year after we broke up. But now? Who's forcing him? No one. Like why would he think I want to talk to him? I knew Melissa felt awkward, but I also knew she wasn't going to get up and leave me alone. Besides I have to take off in 5 minutes. Wow, perfect timing Troy. As always.

"I've been good," I told him as friendliest as I possibly could, and I have no idea why. "You?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away for a second but then back, "I've been okay." Hm. Okay?

I couldn't do this. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if he thought I was leaving because of him. I just had to get out of here. It was way harder seeing him than I thought. At the grocery store, I wasn't prepared. But here, I knew he would be here and I thought I was okay with it, but I don't think I am.

So I got up. "I have to get going."

Melissa got up, too, and smiled at me. "Let me walk you out?"

I nodded at her request and turned to Troy and gave him a small smile. It was the least I could do. "Um, welcome home," I didn't know what else to really tell him, "I'll see you around." Even though I hope I never did. I knew that was going to be out of my control, though.

"Gabriella?"

I was already walking away. Ah. Don't turn back, Gabs. But nope. I had to. "Yeah?"

He stood there, a few feet away from me looking nervous as hell. I should be the one who's nervous, who's uncomfortable, not him. HE broke MY heart for crying out loud. "Please tell your mom I said happy birthday."

He then turned around and walked away.

And so did I.

I cannot believe he remembered my mom's birthday. It was such a random date that it wasn't like anyone who wasn't close to her would remember. But they were close at one point. And I hated it. I hated how he remembered. I'm supposed to hate him.

But because of that comment, and a million other reasons I'm not even going to think about right now, I don't.

I don't hate him. Not even a little bit.


	3. Chapter 3

"Why can't you ever be ready on time?"

Don't react, Gabriella, don't react. "I'm ready," I told Lucas emerging from my room into the living room as he was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. "How do I look?"

He looked over at me, taking his eyes off the football game and gave me a thumbs up, "You look hot."

I was dressed casual, but since Kendall wasn't here, I had to ask him. I hate the word hot but I know that means I look good so I'll take it. It was my friend Caroline's 23rd birthday and she was having a party at her house. It was a BBQ/party type thing that starts at 4 and can end until whenever. Kendall was going later after she finished taking her little cousin to her soccer game. And I was going with Lucas who was back from California.

"Are a lot of people going?" he asked turning off the TV.

He got along fine with my friends, but he wasn't really a fan of crowds or whatever. Not crowds, but just hanging with a bunch of people. And there was always a bunch of people whenever my friends would get together. "Um, I don't know. I don't doubt it, you know Caroline. The bigger, the better."

I heard him let out a small groan but I ignored it. I couldn't be annoyed with him today. Or ever if we're going to work things out. Ever since he got back 2 weeks ago, it's been good. Well, okay. It's summer. I want to have a fun summer so I'm letting it go... for now. I don't want to fight with him. And I'm sure he doesn't want to fight with me.

"Well let's go since I can only stay for a couple of hours."

It was Lucas' cousin's birthday today and she was turning 21 so of course they were going to go out to a fancy dinner and celebrate the big day. They were close. Was I invited? Hm yeah, but I don't want to go. Caroline is a WAAAAY better friend than his cousin is to me and I'd rather hang with my friends.

Selfish? Eh.

"Why do you look nervous about something?"

"Uh, what are you talking about?" I opened the door to let us out as I grabbed my bag that as sitting on the table in the front, "why would I be nervous?"

Caroline told me she invited Troy because well, she had to, they've been such good friends for longer than we have so it was only right she did, but he told her he didn't think he could make it. Thank God. BUT going to these things now made me nervous. For the past two years, and even the years before, I went so freely and had the best time. Now, I feel like I can't. I had to see Troy at Tessa's and that was awkward as hell. And tonight, I don't have to, but there will be future parties that he'll be at and so will I. And it just makes me nervous.

"I don't know, you tell me?"

I locked the door, swung my purse over my shoulders and let out a small laugh before grabbing his hand, "I'm good. Don't know what you're talking about."

Stop being stupid. Relax. I told myself. I had absolutely no reason to be acting this way.

But whatever. Once I get there, everything will be better.

* * *

><p>What a liar!<p>

"Do you want another drink?" Lucas as me as I was angrily gazing at Troy Bolton walking through the back door into the backyard where everyone was. He had a stupid grin on his face and acting like he owned the place.

Okay, maybe not, but ugh he's so annoying. Why is he here?! I need to leave.

I snapped out of it and turned to him and smiled, "Yes, please."

"You have a ride, right?"

Well, yeah, how else am I supposed to get home if he drove us here? "I'll figure it out,"

I didn't really have a ride, but I'm sure Kendall could take me home since she's not a big drinker. Well neither am I, really, but occasionally I threw down.

"Okay, be right back." He went and got me my drink from the bar and that's what I loved about Lucas. He was so attentive. Sure, he might not know if he wants to spend his life with me but he's attentive. So who cares.

Me. I care.

And now I was left standing here alone, but thank God Kendall save me.

"You good?"

I peeled my eyes away from Troy and nodded at her. I was. I had my boyfriend here. I had my best friend. I was fine. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I think we got over that awkward first hello two weeks ago so maybe we won't even talk this time. I know I won't make an effort."

"I'm sorry he's here," she apologizes to me as if it's her fault, "I know it's not easy seeing him, but there are a lot of people here. Just mingle around. Or leave with Lucas?"

I shook my head. I'd rather be here than at his cousin's birthday dinner/party. "I'm good. I already left Tessa's early, I'm not leaving this too."

And before I know it, Lucas was back with my drink and we were all mingling and for a good few minutes, I forgot Troy was even there until he came up to us. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY.

"Hey."

Kendall who was friends with Troy was definitely not going to blow him off and I didn't expect her to. They gave each other hugs as I just stood there.

But Troy turned to Lucas and introduced himself, "I'm Troy."

Lucas shook his hand and looked at him a little weirdly. "Troy?" Uh what? I haven't told Lucas yet about how Troy and I dated or whatever and I haven't even told him about Troy. This was the first time he ever met or saw him.

Fuck. Troy probably thinks I let him know who he is. "This is my boyfriend, Lucas," I told him. Not in an 'in your face' way, but if it got interpreted like that, so be it. I didn't care.

"Nice to meet you," he told Lucas politely. I couldn't tell what he was thinking and it sucked. Good poker face.

"Why does your name sound so familiar?" Lucas told him, standing there pondering about it. Troy shrugged and let out a nervous chuckle. "Oh!" I guess he remembered? "You were the starting point guard for Desert Mountain High, weren't you?"

Troy glanced at me but I had no idea what Lucas was talking about. "Yeah," he smiled as he told Lucas.

Lucas nodded his head and his face lit up. It was so fucking weird. "That's where I know you from! Dude, you were so good. I went to Coronado. How are you not out in the NBA killing it right now? You had to have gotten a scholarship. If Reid Miller got one, you had to have."

Oh shit. No. No. Noooooo.

"I just don't think I was was ready to leave home yet," he shrugged and I felt a lump in my throat. Please God, make this stop. "I don't think I would have really made it to the NBA, anyway."

Lucas laughed at the silliness of that statement. We all know he would have made it. "Dude, I would have gotten out of Scottsdale if I could."

This conversation really needed to stop.

"It's not all that bad here," Troy told him, "That's why I moved back."

I looked at Kendall who was just standing there feeling my pain. This was the worst possible scenario. My ex boyfriend and my boyfriend would get along and my boyfriend would be fawning over my ex boyfriend. This was not okay. No. No. No. I hated this conversation.

I already felt SO bad that Troy didn't want to take a scholarship to UCLA for basketball because he wanted to stay behind and be with me. Now that we're not together I'm sure he regrets it and wants nothing more than to turn the clock back. And play his heart out. Maybe he resented me for it and that's why we broke up and he left to New York for his last 2 years when that wasn't even the plan in the first place. We were going to move to California and go to Stanford together and it was going to be perfect. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

"Nice seeing you Troy," I told him before grabbing Lucas hand, "Come on, let's go grab some food."

I had to get out of there. I was standing there for much too long.

* * *

><p>Lucas left. I'm drunk. And Kendall is nowhere to be found. This is just great. I'm tired and I just want to go home.<p>

"Paige, have you seen Kendall?"

Paige shook her head as she grabbed a handful of chips, "No, pretty sure she left about an hour ago. She said she had to babysit her cousin or something?"

Oh riiiight. Fuck. She was my ride. Well, I never asked her so I can't be mad at her leaving.

This is just great. I'm drunk and I want to go home and no one at this party seems to want to go home. My parents are out of town, my sister has a kid so  
>I'm not going to bug her. I need more friends. Or I just need to not get drunk. But I didn't drive here, Lucas brought me so it's not like I got drunk even though I'm driving because that would have been incredibly annoying. No, I got drunk and I thought for sure Kendall could just give me a ride home since she wasn't drinking, but she left and now I'm here... stranded. Okay, not stranded. But you know what I mean.<p>

Ughhh I need some fresh air.

Eh, I didn't even bother saying bye to anyone. I was going to stay out here and call all of my friends that weren't at this party to see if they can pick me up. BUT the minute I sat down and took out my phone, it was on 1% and before I even had a chance to click on my contact list, it turned off. Great. Today just isn't my day. My phone died?! Great. Now I'm going to have to go back inside and borrow someone's phone. But for now... fresh air. And a lot of it.

"Waiting for someone?"

I knew that voice anywhere. Ugh. I picked my head up and turned slightly to my right to see Troy standing there. I should have just said yes so he'll leave me alone, but my stupid mouth blurted, "no."

He stuck his hands in his pockets, something he does regularly and looked out into the night sky. "Just getting away for a bit then?"

"I'm just trying to find a ride, but my phone died and I'm drunk and..." I realized he probably doesn't care and it's annoying so why am I saying this out loud? Maybe because I talk about my feelings too much. I always say what I'm thinking. Well, most of the time.

That's probably why he broke up with me because I'm so annoying with my feelings.

He slowly took his hand out of his pocket and along with that came his keys. "I was honestly just leaving now. I can give you a ride if you want."

Okay, two things. This isn't some random guy. This is my ex boyfriend. The ex love of my life. So I knew he would definitely get me home safely. But at the same time, this is my ex boyfriend. The ex love of my life. I should not be getting rides from him.

"No, it's okay," I tell him after actually contemplating it for a few seconds, but I couldn't. I didn't necessarily want to either.

I knew he wasn't going to drop it, though. "Please let me take you home. It's just a ride and I know how badly you probably want to get home right now."

Ugh fuck him for knowing me so well and using it against me. Yes, I REALLY wanted to get home. Once I get drunk at a party, that's it. I want to leave. And he knew that about me.

Was I actually going to agree? "Fine."

Yep. I agreed. And you know what? How bad can it be? It's just a ride.

He nodded and took a step down from the porch and I quickly followed him. I had everything I brought with me and I highly doubt anyone would get upset that I didn't say bye so I followed him to his car which was parked across the street and got into the passenger side.

And the minute I closed the door and looked ahead, this overwhelming feeling came over me. I was now sitting in this exact same seat the first time he ever said I was beautiful when he picked me up for our first date, which I also sat in, nervous as hell and I actually spilled my simply lemonade I was drinking all over the ground and he was totally cool about it. I sat here and cried when I found out my grandpa had cancer, which is gone by the way, and he let me let it all out while he rubbed my back and comforted me. I sat here laughing until I cried when we were waiting for his sister to get out of soccer practice and to pass the time, he was telling me jokes and we were talking and having the best time. I sat here when he told me he could see himself being with me forever. I sat here screaming at him over some stupid shit and he just sat there and listened and told me he loved me so much that I could yell at him all night long and he will still tell me he loves me and won't think about breaking it off.

This car had way too many memories.

"Ready?"

Oh. Yeah. I buckled up and nodded my head. "Yeah." Except I'm not sure that I was.

He started the car and slowly started getting out of his parking spot. Thank God I don't live far from here at all. But he didn't know that. Shit. Should I have him drop me off at my sister's house? Do I want him to know where I live? I moved out of my house a month after he left me.

"Wanna give me directions?" he asks me with a slight laugh as we start driving down the street.

Uh, I'm still deciding! Okay, no. I shouldn't. "Can you just take me to my sister's please?" I knew she wasn't asleep. It was 10:30 and there was no way she was sleeping when she had a newborn.

Also, she always lets me stay wherever I want so that's what I'm going to do tonight. I'll cuddle with Alex all night long.

"Your sisters?"

Uh. Yeah. "Yes, she um, she lives right next to your parents. In the neighborhood across the street."

He looked confused as to why he would take me there but he didn't question it any longer, he just nodded and proceeded to drive before coming to a stop at the stop sign. This was so weird. I never expected to sit in his car again. I have Dylan.

Wait. I'm definitely not saying Troy's changing that, but I'm just saying, I shouldn't be talking to my ex boyfriend at all. It's not like we were friends before we started dating. No, we became best friends AFTER we started dating.

But before I knew it, I was telling him exactly which block and house was hers and a minute later, he pulled up to it.

Great. Now the awkward part. He always, always, always got out of the car and opened my door. It didn't matter that we were already together for a year, he still did that. And it was the sexiest thing, ever. But he's not my boyfriend anymore. He's just a guy. And he didn't have to.

To save the awkwardness, I quickly pushed my door open even before I unbuckled myself.

"Tell your sister and Anthony I say hey," he tells me as he leans a little back in his seat, "I saw your sister the other day. She looked great."

Ugh, fuck him. Don't talk to my sister, asshole. Okay, no, I couldn't keep him from talking to her. My sister LOVED him and he became like a brother to her. The brother we never had. AND he got along so well with Anthony. "Yeah, sure."

I turned around to get out of the car and then I heard him say something that made me angry and happy all at the same time. "You look pretty great, too."

Crap. I didn't know how to react. I didn't want to react so positively because I didn't want him to think I cared, but I also didn't want to blow off his nice compliment completely.

I closed my eyes for a second, thank God he couldn't see, and then I slowly turned my head around. "Thanks."

He gives me a small smile as he drops his hand from the steering wheel. "I've missed you, Gabs."

No, okay, fuck him. He can't come back to town and just tell me this and act like nothing dramatic happened between us when it did. I CRIED FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS OVER HIM. TWO WEEKS. My smile on my face quickly faded and I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Fuck you, Troy," I told him which earned a shocked look on his face. I knew he wasn't expecting it. "You can't just come back to town and compliment me and say that you missed me and give me rides and act like you never even left and that I have no reason to be upset with you. So fuck you."

He looked taken aback, but strangely it looked like he understood as well. Good! Because I did have a point. "Just tell them I say hi."

Ugh. Annoying. That was when he should have apologized. I FINALLY got out of the car and gave him a glare and shook my head and muttered, "fuck you" before closing the door pretty hard.

I walked up to my sisters house and she had already opened the door for me because I guess she saw me coming through the window. Before fully going into the house, I turned around and saw Troy still there and the minute I walked in and closed the door, he drove away.

Seriously. Fuck him. Who does he think he is trying to be nice to me. I hate him. When Kendall first told me about him moving back, I honestly was fine.  
>I didn't think it was going to be that bad. But seeing him, everything came rushing back. That day he broke my heart. The day he changed my life forever and for him to come back and think I should be nice to him, well, that's crazy.<p>

Nope. I hate him. And I don't want to talk to hm. At all.


	4. Chapter 4

"Can I come in?"

I peeked my head out of the covers a bit and saw Leana peeking her head through my door. "Yeah," I tell her as I pulled the covers up over me a little bit. This bed was so comfortable I didn't want to sit up or get up.

She came over and took a seat next to me and surprise, she has her baby with her. So I actually did get up.

I grabbed him from her and immediately started cuddling with him. He was SO cute. I want a little baby. "Ugh, he's the best and he's making me not feel hungover because I'm just so happy to see him."

She laughed at how crazy I was being, I think, but it's true. "Do you want any breakfast?"

Uh yeah. "What is there?"

"I can whip you up some waffles if you want or pancakes and eggs. Whatever you want, I have so many things in the kitchen."

Ugh, I loved my sister. She was such a mom and she took care of me all the time still. And I loved her for that. "Waffles and maybe bacon sounds perfect. And a big glass of orange juice, please."

She smiled. "Okay, but you have to watch him for a bit. Tony went with his mom and sister to church."

"Of course," I smile down at my little nephew.

It looked like she was going to leave, but she stopped and turned around and I could tell something was on her mind. "You know, everyone does something for a reason, so maybe if you really want to let everything go, you should hear Troy out and see what he has to say."

Is my sister serious right now? My smile on my face instantly vanished which is crazy because I was staring at my nephew. How could I not be smiling?

"No, Leana, go away..."

She sighed. I was stubborn. "I'm not saying you have to forgive him or forget, but he's back in town. You have mutual friends. You're either going to have  
>to ditch everyone or learn how to be around him and so, talk to him..."<p>

Does she not realize that he broke my heart into a million little pieces and the fact that I've said hi, have made eye contact with him AND let him drive me home is WAY more than I've wanted? "Leana, he was here one day and gone the next. What the fuck do you want me to say?"

"It's not like he packed up and left you for some other girl. He went to college!"

Ohhhh. Is that supposed to make it all better? "Yeah, because someone going away to college means breaking up with your girlfriend of four years. Okay, good to know."

She shook her head. "No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that the way you were making it sound, it's like he completely just left you one day without saying a word and that's not how it went down."

Okay, no, it didn't, but I feel like it was like that. "Look, he left me and went to college. But going to college doesn't mean you have to breakup with your girlfriend when seriously, everything was going so well. Something happened and I don't know what it is. That wasn't the plan for us."

"Some people just can't handle long distance," she tells me, almost defending him which I didn't get, "especially your situation. I mean, four years and then suddenly he's across the country? It would have been way too hard if you guys stayed together."

"I don't care, Leana. He's a piece of shit for doing what he did and I'm so over it. I have Lucas, I have the most perfect job and I'm happy."

It looked like she didn't want to talk about it further, probably because I was kind of upset, but what did she honestly expect?

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "Look, I'm sorry. It's your life, you can live it however you want to. I just, I don't know. I just really wish you two were on good terms so if we see him out, we don't feel obligated to just ignore him."

I get what she was saying, but I've never made them ignore him. "You can go to dinner with him for all I care."

Okay, that was a lie.

"Gabriella, stop," she looked at me with a stern look, "fine, I won't talk about it anymore. I just wish things were different, that's all. I'm sorry for trying to meddle in your life. I'll stop."

She walked out and I assume she's still going to make me breakfast since she left little Alex with me and I just hugged him and then tears started flowing down my face. This sucked. I hate that he's back in town. I hate how everyone still loves him. And I hate that he broke my heart.

But I don't hate him at all. I said I did. But I don't. And that's the worst thing in the situation.

* * *

><p>"Kendall!"<p>

She came rushing into my room and straight to my closet where I was on my knees throwing out everything in search for my most expensive heels. "Have you seen my Jimmy Choos?"

Kendall didn't even answer the question. "Why are you looking for your Jimmy Choos?"

I rolled my eyes and got up and started looking on shelves in my closet. "Because I'm going out with Lucas in a bit and I want to wear them."

"Why are you going to wear those?"

What's with all the questions?! Has she seem them or not? "Why not?"

I saw her shrug from the corner of my eye as she leaned against the wall, "I don't know, maybe because they're really nice shoes and you only wear them for special occasions."

True. "He told me to dress really nice and this place he's taking me to is upscale and fancy, so why not?"

I turned to look at her and her face fell a little flat. "Why the fuck is he taking you to a fancy schmancy place?"

Am I missing something? Why is she being totally weird? I don't get it. "I don't know, Ken, but you're freaking me out with all your questions. Have you seen my shoes or not?" Please say you have.

She nodded. "They're in my closet."

Ohhh, right. I think I stored them in there because well, she's a little more organized than I am. "Can I go get them?"

She moved past me so I could go get them and when I came back, she was laying on my bed, her head in her hands and it looked like she was thinking about something. Or some stuff, I don't know. She was acting really weird.

"Are you okay?"

She looked up at me and shrugged. "I'm just really confused as to why he's taking you somewhere really nice and is actually planning something."

Okay, yeah, it was a little weird. Lucas seriously hasn't done anything like this since our first year of dating. He actually hates going to restaurants. But to be honest, I wasn't really questioning it, since he knows how upset I've been lately. And when that happens, he always makes it a point to make it up to me.

"He's done this before," I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but it feels different. Do you think he's going to propose?"

Whoaaaa. What?

"Umm nooo," I tell her, turning around to face her, "Ken, he obviously doesn't seem to be anywhere near that. I think he's just trying to do something nice for me. I don't really know. All I know is that we're going somewhere fancy."

Ken didn't look too convinced and I have no idea why. Does she actually think he's going to propose? "Okay, let's say he did propose, then what?"

Oh fuccck. "Um, I don't know."

"Gabs..."

"I honestly don't know, Ken," I tell her in a slight panic now. Was he planning on proposing to me? Would this be his BIG way of apologizing? "I mean, it's not like I was asking if he wants to marry me, I was just simply asking if it's leading towards that, you know? I don't even know myself."

She nodded and I knew she was going to get off the subject. She always knows just when to stop.

"Can I ask you a question? Like a serious best friend to best friend question?"

Wait. I thought she knew when to stop! "Um, yeah, sure. What is it?"

She sat up and crossed her legs Indian style. It actually looked like she was going to ask me something major. "Are you.. Well, do you still, no, I don't know how to word this. I guess... um, are you over Troy completely? Like, do you still have any feelings for him whatsoever?"

Oh. Ummm. Fuck. "Ken, it's been a few years..."

"Yes or no?"

Why does she want to know? What good will this do? I sighed and took a deep breath in. "He was my first everything. Four years. I think there will always be something there whether I like it or not, you know?"

Right? You always remember your first love, you'll always love them and they'll always hold a special place in your heart... isn't that how it goes?

"I'm only asking because you've been acting weird since he's moved back and I don't know, I know it's strange that he'll be here but I just want to make sure you're okay. That it's not too hard."

Ugh. She was the best best friend, ever. Seriously. I'm so lucky to have her.

I don't know what I would have done without her during my breakup, when Troy moved away to the east coast, and everything else in between. I was a mess. I cried on and off all day, I wouldn't even get out of bed. And she was there for me and helped me get back on my feet. The only person who truly saw what I went through. And she was actually the one who DRAGGED me to the party where I met Lucas. And at the time, Lucas was just what I needed. Enough time had passed to where he wouldn't necessarily be a rebound, but he was still a rebound nonetheless, and it actually helped me get over Troy. Completely? No. But I was able to love again. I do love again. I love Lucas. I do.

I fixed my bra strap and put down my dress a little bit. "It's just so... unexpected. And there's SO much unanswered and we didn't get closure and I don't know, but I'm fine. I promise. I can stand being in the same room with him."

She smiled at me and got up off my bed. "Okay, good, because seeing you sad or depressed is the worst thing and I haven't seen that lately. And I want it to stay that way."

"Don't worry," I tell her, "everything's good. I have Lucas and I'm happy. There's nothing to be sad about."

I want it to stay that way, too.

* * *

><p>"This is nice."<p>

I'm not sure if Lucas is being sarcastic or not because I know he hates going to restaurants.

He eats super healthy so he usually just likes cooking for himself. But I mean, restaurants have healthy options. He's also super impatient so he hates waiting. I don't now. I love going to restaurants.

I grabbed a piece of bread from the middle of the table and nodded at him. "Yeah, this is a really nice place. It's big, too."

He grabbed a piece too and shoved it in his mouth. "Well, I wanted to do something nice for you. We haven't been spending the most time together and our argument we had and I don't know, thought this would be nice."

It was. It was nice. But it still doesn't take away from the fact that I wanna know where he sees this going. He doesn't have to say he wants to marry me.  
>No. He just has to tell me if he sees us together in 3 months. If he says yes, okay, cool. If he says, well, I don't know anything can happen. Then that really means he doesn't love me. That's ALL I'm looking for. Some stability. Maybe some talk about moving in together, I don't know.<p>

"I feel like you want me to drop it and I don't want to drop it." Hey, at least I'm being honest.

He sighed as he picked up his water. I knew he probably thought I was over it and done discussing it since we hung out yesterday and it was fine and normal, but I wasn't. I just let it go over for a bit.

I didn't want to pressure him, but it'd just be nice to know where this relationship stands.

"Well, what do you want to know? It caught me by surprise and I thought we were at a good place right now."

"Well, yeah, but I mean, in 3 months do you still see yourself with me? Are we apartment hunting? Are we vacationing somewhere tropical daydreaming about our future together?" I mean, he's right, we were, but we can't just stay at this place and leave it like that forever.

His eyes kind of bulged out and I have NO idea why. I mean, it's not like this is our one month anniversary dinner and I'm saying all of this. We've been together for TWO years. People get engaged after a year. 6 months! Heck, the people on the bachelor get engaged in 3 months and they hardly know each other. I just need SOMETHING to make me feel secure and to make me feel like this is worth it. Like, this is where I'm supposed to be.

"Gabs, you know just as well as I do that no one knows what tomorrow brings..."

I seriously thought he was doing to say more, but nope he just stopped and took another sip of his drink. What the actual fuck. "That wasn't the answer I was looking for, but okay..."

"Babe," he reached over the table and tried to grab my hand but I snatched it away. Umm... Fuck no. "What the heck has gotten into you? You've been so... pressure-y lately and I don't get it."

Oh, he doesn't get it?

This is so annoying. "Lucas, it's been two years. I think by now if you can't picture me moving in with you or in your future then something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong, I'm just not thinking about the future. I never have. I'm not a planner and you know that."

Oh my gosh, we are going around in circles with this thing.

"Look," I tell him and then scoot closer to the table and fold my arms across, "I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not asking you to promise that we're going to get married. No, I'm just asking for... I don't know, something that makes me feel secure in this relationship. Like, I'm not wasting my time."

"Why would you be wasting your time?" He kind of looked offended, but at the same time kind of not.

I feel like he was using this as an opportunity to throw this back at me and I'm not going to let him do that to me. Nope. "I'm not 16 years old, I'm 23. I'm not looking for a casual boyfriend. I need to be with someone who's serious and would eventually want to settle down."

"You think this is casual? Two years together, I love you's on the phone every time we hang up, hanging out with each others families?"

Oh my gosh. He's RESPONDING TO THE WRONG THINGS.

I'm literally about to blow up in this restaurant. HOW is this the same guy who was incredibly romantic and sweet, who would leave me little notes here and there and bring me flowers randomly and text me really cute things. I don't get it at all.

"I just want to know why you can't tell me where you see this going."

He sort of rolls his eyes and then takes a deep breath. "Gabriella, I love you. I really do. But I can't predict the future. I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is that right now, I love this. And I love you. And everything else is just going to have to fall into place."

It wasn't the worst answer, but I just, for the life of me, can't understand why he can't just say something along the lines of, I want this to go somewhere great. Wanting is so different than predicting.

And maybe I'm being way too hard on him or taking this way too seriously, but I'm just not satisfied with his answers.

I need a drink. And I need it STAT.


	5. Chapter 5

I've been avoiding Lucas.

It's been 4 days since that dinner and even though I dropped it and put on a happy face for him during dinner, I was mad. I was sad. I don't want to be with someone who can't see a future with me. And I don't want to take away from his beliefs that, everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for us all, BUT that doesn't mean that he can't create a hypothetical one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Which is why I feel like he's using it all as an excuse and maybe he doesn't see a future with me. And that would be sad, but at least I would have answers.

"Umm okay, thanks for inviting me to dinner with Melissa."

I pushed my phone aside and closed my eyes for a second. I can't keep avoiding Lucas. I know that. "It was just an excuse," I tell Kendall as she's standing by the stove waiting for her grilled cheese to be done.

She flipped it on the pan and turned around to face me for a few seconds, "Wait. What? You're still avoiding him? Gabs..."

I know, I know. I need to be more stern with this and really tell him what I WANT to hear and see if maybe he changes his mind. "I just can't be around him without bringing it up and I feel like I'm never going to be satisfied with his answer so until he comes up with a different answer and lets me know OR I get over this whole thing, I'm steering clear."

Kendall patted down on her grilled cheese one more time on the pan before she took it out and put it on her plate.

She went over to the fridge and took out a snapple and then sat up on the counter and dug into her sandwich. "I seriously get where you're coming from. You want security and you want to know that you're not going to move into his apartment whenever that time comes when he doesn't even know if he sees like a permanent future with you."

Yes, exactly. Ugh. I knew she was my best friend for a reason. "That's all I want. Just some... yeah, like you said, security. I don't know."

Kendall nodded and she tore apart her grilled cheese and ate it in little bites. "But at the same time, maybe this question is making him feel pressured to feel something more for you or like you want something more... like a proposal."

"No," I shake my head, "I already told him it didn't have to be marriage serious." But her other theory might be spot on. Maybe I was coming off way too strong about this, but it's how I felt. I couldn't help it. "I don't want him to feel pressure about having to feel something more for me. But it just sucks being around people all day who are planning their perfect wedding and they ask about my boyfriend and I and they always look so surprised that a, we don't live together and be, we haven't even taken steps into a future together."

"Why do you care what those people think?"

I shrugged. "I don't think I necessarily do, but it just has me thinking. Maybe they're right. Two years, Ken? It's time to do some reevaluating."

She shook her head and laughed. "You know what? Thank God you got into wedding planning AFTER you got a boyfriend, because they would run at the sight of that. You're obsessed with weddings and you're obsessed with planning your life out."

What was wrong with that? "Weddings are a beautiful thing and yeah, maybe I am, but what's so bad about that? There's no harm in planning."

She got quiet for a bit and I knew what she was thinking about. I may have gone a bit overboard with the planning when I was with Troy. I mean, I named our kids. And that planning... well, there was definitely harm in that. Clearly.

I sighed. "It's okay, Ken. It sucked, but I didn't think ALL the planning I did would actually come true. I'm a realist and you know that."

She stuffed a couple more pieces of her sandwich in her mouth before taking a drink of her snapple. It looked like something was on her mind.

"What?"

She shook her head but eventually gave in. "Okay, umm, I was kind of hanging with Troy yesterday."

Oh. Really? Cool. Thanks for hanging out with my asshole ex boyfriend. But I wasn't going to yell at her. "Oh. Why were you hanging out with him?"

I didn't see her yesterday at all. Maybe just for 5 minutes in the morning. I got up, went to work and then right after, I went to my mom's for dinner and just ended up staying the night because I was SO tired and didn't want to drive home.

"On accident. I mean, I knew there was a possibility he could be at David's, but Chris wanted to go and I mean, the girls were gonna be there so why not? And we were all just hanging out..."

This sucks. It sucks I didn't even get a call to go over. Like they'd rather have him over me. "I didn't know David was having anything."

Kendall immediately figured out what she had made me think about the whole situation. "Oh, no, no, no... it was seriously such a spontaneous thing. Chris and I ran into David, Troy, and Max at dinner and I just told him how the girls invited me for drinks and stuff and he just said we should do it at his place. Seriously, it wasn't planned and you know no one's picking sides."

That made me feel a little better, but it still just sucked that even if I wanted to go, I probably couldn't because he'd be there and it's probably not as awkward for him since he's the dumper, not the dumpee, so yeah. "I mean, that's nice I guess. Glad you had a good time."

"Yeah. Um. He actually having a BBQ next weekend and he told me to invite you..." Ummmm.

Okay, yeah, no... I'm definitely not going to a BBQ at my ex boyfriends house. Gosh, how annoying. He comes back and suddenly he's part of the group again. Okay, he's never left the group, he stayed friends with everyone but he just didn't hang out with them since he was across the country, so I guess it wasn't his fault, but still. These were the people I hung out with all the time.

Does she actually think I'll go? "That's stupid."

She closed her eyes for a second as if she was trying to understand why I was acting this way. And when she opened them she calmly told me, "I totally get it, Gabriella, I just feel like since he's going to be here, and you have SO many mutual GOOD friends that you should try to get along, be friendly, ya know? It'll be so much better for everyone. I know he was an asshole to you and he did such a shitty thing, but we can't change that."

She had a point, but it's easy for her to say that. I know she understands and everything, but she really has NO idea how hard it'll be. I wasn't just in love with him, I was MADLY in love with him. Four years with someone, doesn't matter if you're 16 or 25, feelings are feelings. And they were some intense feelings. Let me tell you that. And yeah, I know we were too young to even think about getting married, but I definitely thought it was in our future. I really and truly thought that he was the man I was going to marry. And here I am... in a relationship with another guy. It's funny how things work out.

"I can be friendly from a distance," I tell her, "I don't want to go to his house or whatever. I... I just can't."

"No, yeah, okay," she said, finally dropping it, "I just thought I'd tell you."

I couldn't go. It would just be too... weird.

* * *

><p>"Please tell me you were able to book the Hilton..."<p>

That was the first thing Karen Rossman told me on Wednesday morning as she came into my office. We had a scheduled time to meet, but she was 10 minutes early. Great.

I smiled up at her as I closed my laptop. My other client will have to wait. The one in front of me is what's important right now. "It's your lucky day."

She squealed and clapped her hands together. "Oh my gosh, I HAVE to call Simon."

Simon is her soon to be husband. In 3 months. And they were the cutest couple ever. They were hitting 30, I believe, but they were doing things a little backwards. They had a kid together after two years of dating and now the kids is 3, so they figured it's perfect timing.

And she was the most easy client, ever. She wanted a simple wedding here in Scottsdale, traditional and nothing too, too fancy. Easy peasy.

"Well when you're done, we have to go over how many guests you want or need there."

She nodded as she got up and went outside for a minute. I reopened my laptop and instead of looking at other locations for my other client, I clicked on the facebook tab. No one uses it religiously anymore, but people still go on.

I wasn't really searching for anything, just browsing around. And nothing caught my attention so I was about to exit out of the tab, but then...

Yvette Garcia added 10 new photos to her new album.

Normally, I wouldn't care. Yvette has never liked me but she would pretend like she would. She'd be fake and go out of her way to do little things that would bother me and upset me. We'd talk here and there in high school, but that was the extent of our friendship. But she uploaded a picture of her and Troy... at  
>a bar together. And it just caught my attention. It wasn't the most random because he's the reason she didn't like me very much, but it was... I don't know, weird? But it doesn't surprise me that she tried to jump on that.<p>

Yvette's really pretty which sucked. And Troy looked happy, I guess. I shouldn't care. I'm with Lucas, but a part of me felt a little bit jealous. I'm sure he's moved on, but I never heard of him having a serious girlfriend or anything unless no one bothered to tell me or he didn't bother to tell anyone, so I've kind  
>of been here just thinking he maybe got what he deserved when he broke up with me, but clearly he's having no trouble with the ladies.<p>

"Gabs."

I snapped out of those stupid thoughts and focused my attention back on Karen. "Sorry."

She looked at me a little confused. "You okay? What are you thinking about?"

Ugh. Karen. She was so nice. She's become like my friend and I feel like I could tell her anything. "No, yeah, I'm fine. Just an ex boyfriend who's in pictures with this pretty girl. Not a big deal."

"Ugh, that's never fun to see," she said as she came over to my side of the computer, "let me see. Pull him and her up."

I did. I pulled up a picture where Troy looked the best, but let's be honest, there were no bad pictures of him.

She looked at the picture and then she put her hand over the mouse and took it away form me and started looking at all of them. I guess that was okay. "Um okay. What's his name and why aren't you with him anymore?"

By the look on her face, I could tell she found him incredibly attractive and maybe she was also mad that I wasn't with such a hunk anymore. Ha.

"I really don't know. He dumped me and moved to New York city," I tell her, clicking out of the pictures because I can't bear to see them anymore. "But it's okay. I have Lucas now."

She walked around to her seat and saw down. "Well, it doesn't seem like you're too happy with those pictures. How long has it been?"

She didn't know how long Lucas and I have been together or what was even going on in the pictures so he questions were fine. We were new friends. I've only been working with her for a month or so and it's not like we sit around talking about me, so it's fine.

"Umm, three years."

"3 years? And you're still hung up on him? Gabs..."

Ugh, when she said it like that, it sounds ridiculous, but I'm not hung up on him. I just... I don't know. There's a lot I don't know. "We were together for four years, Karen. That's like a lifetime in the dating world."

Karen's eyes widened a little bit. "Oh my gosh. What happened? Four years and now... nothing? No wonder. I probably wouldn't be over it, either."

It's embarrassing to admit that he dumped me and left for New York, but it's literally what happened. Well, he left like a month after the dumping, but still.

"You know what, I really have no idea. I didn't get much of an explanation. Just that he's going to New York and he doesn't think he can handle long distance so we broke up. And now he's back in town and I have to see stupid pictures like this of him and it sucks."

Karen looked genuinely interested in my relationship problems. and I'm actually glad I have her to talk about this with because she doesn't know Troy. "Wow okay, he's an asshole."

See?! None of my friends or family would have said that. "Right? Thank you."

"Yeah, I mean, four years together and he can't handle some distance? Something else must have happened and the fact that you don't know the real reason makes him such an asshole. I'm sorry."

Yeah! That's all I want. "I'd feel so much better if I just knew, but I really don't want to be around him or even talk to him."

Karen nodded. "I get you. It's hard. Before Simon, I dated this guy for two and a half years and I was so, so in love with him. I thought I was even going to marry him, but he broke up with me and I think it was the best thing he could have done because look where I am now? In love, getting married and have  
>a little baby boy who I love with everything inside of me. It was supposed to work out like this so just think like that and maybe it'll be easier to talk to him about everything and to get everything out there."<p>

Wow. We're so similar. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'll get pregnant next week and I'll have the same story as her. Who knows. I can't think about the what if's or anything like that. I just need closure and I need to move on with my life... with Lucas. Well, maybe. Who knows what he wants.

But I can't keep sitting around here thinking about why everything's happened.

I just need to move on. Completely.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is the life, right?"

I laughed as I cracked another egg into the cake batter. She was saying it sarcastically, I'm sure, but it secretly is. I'd much rather be indoors baking and hanging out than out at some club or bar. Or at a party. "It really is."

Sierra grabbed some melted butter and drizzled it over the pan we were about to put the cake into. "Where's Ken tonight?"

I shrugged even though I knew exactly where she was. And I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. I mean, she's my best friend. Of course I don't want her hanging out with my ex boyfriend who broke my heart into a million little pieces.

"Troy's," I simply told her.

She turned to me and looked confused as hell. "What the fuck?"

Right? Sierra Dixon was one of my very best friends. She's a family friend. Her dad and my dad have been friends for, like, ever. And so, here we are 23 years later keeping the tradition going. She was my best friend, but she didn't hang out with my usual group. Her and Kendall were friends through me and the three of us would hang out quite often, but most of the time, it was just us and if it was a group, it'd be OUR friends, not mine or hers.

But she knew Troy and she knew him quite well and she's been through everything with me like Kendall has. "I want to be mad at her, but, like, they were friends too and he's still friends with everyone so I don't know, I feel like I can't really be."

"No, but you can be bummed about it," she reasoned with me, "I'm sure she's not being shady at all, but it does suck."

Definitely. It definitely sucks. "He invited me."

Sierra stopped midway in the kitchen as she went to wash the butter off her hands and gave me a surprising look. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," I tell her, laughing a bit at her holding up her hands that are filled with butter, "it's so weird. I get he probably doesn't want to make me feel like he's coming back and taking away all out friends cause they are ours. I'm the one who's been hanging with them for two years while he's been away. But it's like, something major did happen between us. You broke my heart and you left. You can't come back and pretend like everything's okay, you know?"

She finally reached the sink and quickly washed her hands and came back to where I was with the cake batter. "No, yeah, of course. You either need to talk to him and just let everything out or just keep your distance so he knows that you're not too fond of him. He's not someone who won't take a hint."

Yeah, she's right. I just don't want it to be like this all the time. We can coexist. I feel like I can't be in a room with him for too long, but if we were at a party together, I wouldn't make it a big deal.

"I always knew he'd probably move back but I just, it just caught me by surprise."

Sierra frowned as she added the last ingredient to the cake batter before going to get the mixer, "Girl, I want answers just as much as you do."

I laughed and before I could say something back, she turned the mixer on and started mixing all the ingredients together for a couple of minutes. After it was all done, she grabbed the bowl and dumped it into the pan and spread it out so it could cover the whole thing. She smoothed it down with a spatula and then cleaned off the edges of the pan. She was pretty much like a professional baker. Every time I'd go to her house when I was younger, there would always be baked goods. So of course she's taking after her mom in that department and I'm happy because I love to bake too, but if it was just me on my own, I'd get lazy. So I love coming over here and baking with her. And drinking wine. And talking about life. Oh, and watching endless hours of romantic comedies.

"I don't think I really want to talk to him," I tell her truthfully, "it's embarrassing but it'll be too hard."

She put the cake into the over and then went over and took out some oven mitts for when it's done and came back and helped me clean up. "It's really up to you. I don't know what I'd do but I just feel like you guys didn't have much closure."

Oh, for sure. "No, yeah, we didn't have much closure at all."

"Yeah, so maybe that's a good reason to talk," she started putting all the egg shells and napkins in the bowl to make it easier to throw away, "have you told Lucas about it?"

Ummmm. "About what?"

"Well, didn't he go to some party with you that Troy was at? Does he know he's your ex?"

I was hoping to avoid this question from EVERYONE. And so far, besides Kendall because she was there, no one has said anything about it. "No, he doesn't and it's weird and I don't know if I want to tell him."

"You have to if you guys are going to keep going to the same parties. It's weird."

Yeah, I know it is, but ugh. Why is this happening? "I already have enough problems of my own with Lucas, the last thing I need to tell him is that if I go to some party or a BBQ that my ex boyfriend might be there, but he doesn't have to worry because he broke my heart in half."

Sierra laughed a bit as she emptied the bowl into the trash can and put it into the sink and let some hot water on it before washing it. "Don't be so dramatic, I just think he has a right to know."

"Yeah, he does," I tell her, "but I don't know. Maybe right now isn't the best time to tell him."

She understood. Thank God. "It's not getting better?"

I shrugged as I put the eggs away in the fridge, "It's not like it's bad, it just sort of hit a standstill and I don't know where to go from here. Can I see him in my life in 3 months? Yes. Can he see me? I don't know, he didn't answer me. So it's frustrating. I'm not asking him to think about marriage, but I am asking him to dig a little deeper and decide if he wants to get more serious about things. Maybe move in together, I don't know. And I'm getting nothing."

Sierra sighed and stopped walking around and leaned against the counter for a minute to give me a piece of her mind. Like always. "Lucas is great, but if he actually can't see a future with you in 3 months, no, sorry. What are you even doing with him at this point?"

"I love him."

"Is that enough, though?"

It should be. It definitely should be. "I mean, yeah? I don't know. It's not like I'd walk around crying all the time if we broke up, but I think we have a real shot at something special. These past 2 years have been great and I just want to take a more serious approach, you know?"

She nodded. She got what I was saying and I knew she didn't think I was desperate or crazy. "Well, that's good because you were crying all the time last time and I would hate to see that again."

Nope. Never again. I will never cry over a boy ever again. Ever.

* * *

><p>"Are you mad at me?"<p>

I laughed as I stacked some magazines together and threw them in the magazine rack where they belonged, "No, Ken, I'm not mad at you."

She came over at sat on the couch and tried to read my face to see if I was being serious. "It's just such a hard position to be in. And I don't want you to ever think I'm picking him over you."

I knew she wasn't and I knew it was a hard position to be in which is why I'm not mad. I'm just a little bummed. "It's fine. Did you have fun?"

She grabbed a pillow and put it in her lap to hug it, "Um, yeah, it was cool. The usual's, you know?"

I nod as I grab some Clorox wipes and go over to the entertainment system and start wiping down everything. It's been a few weeks since we've cleaned so this place was definitely due for one. Starting with the living room. "That's good."

"He asked where you were, you know..."

I didn't even bother turning around. I didn't care. Okay, maybe I did a bit. But I had to try not to. "Don't know why."

Kendall got up and grabbed a Clorox wipe and came over to where I was and helped me out by wiping down some of the shelves, "I don't think he expected you to come, I just think he was curious where you were."

"Oh so now he cares?"

She chuckled a bit and finished wiping the few shelves, "I know, it's weird, but I really think he wants to be friends with you."

Do these people not understand that I can't? It's way too hard to be friends with him. If I can't even picture being friends with him, imagine actually TRYING to be friends with him? Um, no. It's not going to work out, and I already know it.

"It's just, he comes back and acts as if I have absolutely no reason to hate him or something, you know? It's so fucking weird. Like, I have EVERY reason in the world to hate you, you broke my heart..."

Kendall nodded and sighed, "I know, I know he's going about this all weirdly, but maybe he just doesn't know how to act about it. He has to know you're not his biggest fan, but the thought of that probably kills him so he's trying to mask it by pretending nothing's that wrong."

Maybe she has a point, but still, it's fucking annoying.

"Anyway," she changed the subject, "how's it going with Lucas? Is he still being weird?"

I rolled my eyes just thinking about it. So many boy problems for me. And I'm about to snap. Seriously, two months ago, my life seemed nearly perfect and now it's all just jumbled up and I don't understand it. A simple question I asked Lucas and a certain boy moving back to town. Ugh.

"I don't know, he doesn't see us in the future, but he doesn't not see us."

Kendall turned to me and furrowed her eyebrows, "What the fuck does that mean?"

I shrugged, "it means he doesn't plan for tomorrow, which is some bullshit answer. I don't know, he says anything can happen so he doesn't know where we're going to be three months from now. And I get that, but you can at least HOPE for something or WANT something. Doesn't mean it's going to happen."

"True," she agrees, "but that talk is always awkward. No one ever knows how to answer. I remember asking Chris 7 months into our relationship and he froze. It's just such an awkward question. But look where we are now... Almost two years of full bliss."

I heard everything she said, but my mind wandered back to a warm June day, 7 years ago...

_We've only been hanging out for, like, a little less than a month, but he already knew when something was wrong. And I don't know if I hate it or love it yet. _

_"I'm okay," I tell him after he asked if anything was wrong._

_ I didn't want to be that annoying girl that pestered him about where this was going. I know 3 weeks in the real world seems like such a short time to ask someone to be your girlfriend, but we're in high school. We don't have jobs or anything else we need to worry about. We have literally spent almost every day together since our first date and it seems like we're boyfriend and girlfriend, but we've never actually said those words or even acknowledged that we're basically a couple. I needed more of a commitment if this was going to continue. I wanted to feel secure. _

_Troy stopped walking and stood right in front of me as he disconnected our hands. "Tell me." _

_No, I shouldn't. Especially not on my front porch where my parents or sister can easily come and hear the whole thing. "No, nothing, everything's fine, I had a great dinner." _

_He grabbed my hand and we continued walking until we reached my front door. I had a bench on my porch and he immediately grabbed my hand and sat me down on it. Great, he wasn't done asking about it. _

_"I know something's wrong," he tells me, "did I say something? Do you not feel well?" _

_Okay, fine, I have to just say it. It's the perfect time since he's asking and I don't have to spit it out randomly, but I'm also nervous about it. "I just," I start it off, but can't find the exact words to say what I wanna say, "it's just, I don't know. This has been great, a lot of fun, but um, is this all it's going to be?"_

_He looked me right in the eye and I couldn't tell what he was thinking, which sucked. "What do you mean?" _

_I shake my head at the way it's coming out, "no, forget it, I'm being annoying." _

_But he gently grabbed my arm and pulled me back down as I was trying to get up and walk away. "No, I mean, like, you want to know if all we're doing is hooking up, dating casually?" _

_I didn't look him in the eyes. I couldn't. I just shrugged. _

_And then I heard him laughing. So I glanced up and he was just looking at me smiling and laughing, "What?" _

_He stopped and got serious for a second. "No, of course not. Maybe I just got so caught up that I completely forgot to ask you to be my girlfriend because you already felt like one, but that's what this is, isn't it? A full on relationship? I mean, I definitely don't want anyone else." _

_I went from complete embarrassment for a second to complete happiness. "So, I'm your girlfriend?"_

_"Well, yeah," he shrugged, "if you want to be." _

_Of course, I want to be. I leaned in and gave him a kiss and another kiss and another one. I can't believe how easy this way. This awkward question. _

_He laughed as I pulled away. "You're crazy, you know that? I didn't even think it would even be an issue. I mean, we've been spending all our time together and I like you so much that I want to take you to formal and have your kids."_

_And now I was laughing. I didn't know if he was serious, well I knew he definitely wasn't about the kids, but it was a joke between him and I so it was totally not creepy that he slipped that in there, but yeah, it was cute how he was pretending to be. It's early. It's been three weeks of nonstop hanging out and we don't know what's going to happen, but just the simple fact that he's pretending to predict what he wants is good enough for me._

_"No, really, I do plan on taking you to formal," he gets serious for a moment, "because I don't know how I won't like you by the time formal rolls around."_

_That was all I needed to hear. It was one of the best moments of my life. I was officially Troy Bolton's girlfriend. _

"Are you crying?!"

I snapped out of it and turned around from Kendall. Fuck. "No, um..."

Kendall came over to me and tried to comfort me. "I'm sorry, I know, I know it sucks. But he'll come around. It'll be fine."

Little did she know that it wasn't about Lucas at all. And that was the worst part of it all.

I was reminiscing about one of the happiest moments/days of my life and that's how it was supposed to be with my current boyfriend. That's the type of answer I wanted. And maybe that's why it was so hard for me. Because I had the perfect answer before and I want it again.

"Yeah," I turn around and smile at her and hope that no more tears fall, "I'm fine. You're right. Let's finish cleaning."

Except I didn't know if I was going to be. I just want answers.


	7. Chapter 7

"Leana, he's going to be a heart breaker when he's older, you know that right?"

My sister laughed off my aunts comment so she wouldn't look conceited on behalf of her son, but I knew she probably believed it. "As long as he lets the girls down easy, my boy is going to be a gentleman."

They shared a couple more laughs as I dug into these chips and guacamole. This family BBQ has just begun, but I'm already digging in on the food.

My mother came up behind me and put some salsa down on the table, "Try it. Your aunt Martha just brought it and it is SO good."

Ah, family BBQ's. We were always having them. But that's what you do when you have a big family right? My mother has 5 brothers and sisters and my dad is one of 7 kids. My dad's family gets together more than my moms which is always fun. We laugh, we cry, we laugh even more. And we only cry because we're all too drunk or something. It's always a good time and it's always like every weekend or every other weekend.

I immediately dipped a couple chips in the salsa and it was heavenly. SO good. Spicy, but good.

"So how's work going, Gabs?"

I swallowed the chips I had in my mouth and put a thumbs up meanwhile. I took a sip of my coke to wash it down before answering my aunt. "It's good. My client right now is the sweetest and literally makes everything easier for you."

My aunt Martha reached over and dipped some chips in the salsa as well to try it, "That's so great. It's so nice that you're doing what you love to do at such  
>a young age. You're getting your life together."<p>

"What are you talking about? You became a lawyer at 25!"

She laughed and nodded, "I know, I'm not saying it like I'm jealous of it. I know from experience, it's so much easier this way. And for the biggest party planning company in Arizona? Crazy."

Okay, now I'm getting a little embarrassed. I was proud of myself but I didn't want to boast. "I know, it is crazy. I'm so lucky."

"Lucky for what?"

I looked back and saw my aunt Carmen come behind me and give me a kiss on top of my head before going around the table and saying hi to everyone else. She fixed herself a plate of chips and guacamole and sat down across from me.

She was one of my faves. Is it okay to have favorite aunts? Yeah, right? "Oh, just my job."

Carmen hovered over plate as she ate her chip filled with guacamole so she wouldn't drop any. "Oh, yeah, if I ever get divorced and remarry, you're planning it and you're giving me a discount."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. My cousin who just recently got engaged told me the same thing. She wants a discount. And she wants me to plan it. But this is my job so I guess I have to say yes. The discount, though? Ha.

"Why are you late?"

Carmen looked over at Martha and shrugged, "I'm not late, it wasn't a surprise party, was it?"

Everyone laughed. She was definitely the funniest of the bunch. And her and Martha often went at it, which sucked because they were my two faves.

Martha rolled her eyes and reached over for some more salsa, grabbing a spoonful and dumping it on her plate. "Shut up, you know what I mean. We've all been here for like almost an hour or something."

"I'm sorry I have two kids under the age of 10 and I do things slower than the rest of you guys," Carmen fought back, "and you know what, today it wasn't because of my kids that I'm late, but one day it will be and that will be my excuse."

Everyone laughed. She was SO funny sometimes. Okay, most of the time.

Of course we wanted a real answer. "No, yeah, we stopped by my mother-in-laws and she was making some stuff and she didn't have some ingredients so  
>I ran to the store for her."<p>

"Okay, that's fine," Martha told her, "but we're hungry and you know we like to wait for everyone."

Yeah, that's why we're snacking on chips and salsa. The meats being prepared and cooked, but we don't actually eat until everyone's here unless they tell us they're going to be late THEN we start without them.

Carmen leaned forward a bit and smiled right at me. "You'll never guess who I just saw at the store."

Fuck. Of course. Of course she saw Troy. It's just my luck, right? First Leana, now my aunt. "I have no ideaaaa."

I think she could tell I was being sarcastic, because it sort of seemed like she didn't want to tell me anymore. They were probably all under the impression that I was so moved on and so happy with Lucas, but I haven't clued them in yet about anything that's been going on so no, Carmen, this isn't a funny cute story to tell. That you ran into my ex boyfriend. It's actually quite annoying because I still hate him and everyone still should remember that.

But she said it anyway because everyone was now interested. "He told me he moved back...?"

I nod and eat some more chips. What did she expect? That I'd smile and be happy that she ran into him? "Yeah, um, I guess he's done with school."

Leana looked over at me and she felt my pain. She knew I was uncomfortable right now and it'd be the last thing I want to talk about, but she also knew that there was no interrupting these aunts. And it sucked. So I, of course, had to answer their questions.

"He seemed to be doing good," Carmen tells me, "it was really nice to see him, despite everything, because you know, he was close with us."

I do know, obviously. My aunts loved him, my uncles welcomed him with open arms, and my cousins were obsessed with him. My whole family loved Troy Bolton and that's another thing that made this so much harder. Not only did he break up with me, but he broke up with my family.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's doing great."

Of course they noticed the change in my voice and my attitude, but it's not like I was trying to hide it at all.

My aunt Carla spoke up now, who's been silent for the past 20 minutes as she checked e-mails on her phone, "You know, I think you should talk to him. Have him explain things so you'll stop hating him."

What? No. "The last thing I want to do is talk to him. He broke my heart, moved across the country and didn't bother calling me once so no, I don't need to talk to him. And I don't want to talk to him about it."

Carmen sighed and opened her can of soda, "Gabs, we're just saying... we know Troy. We know he's a good guy. It's not like he just dumped you for no apparent reason so find the reason, find some closure and move on from it."

"I am moved on!"

They looked at each other and didn't really say anything. Leana included. And it sucked.

Carla put her phone down and leaned forward a bit, "We like Lucas, he's a really great guy as well, but Troy, we treated him like family and just like you, we want answers so you should talk to him."

I wasn't even hungry anymore. My family telling ME I should talk to HIM and then Carmen either subtly telling me maybe I did something, gave him a reason to dump me or what he did might be justified is just all so crazy to me. Where's their loyalty? Am I not their niece? I can't do this right now.

The food will just have to wait because I need some fresh air away from them. I needed to be alone for a little bit and just take my mind off things.

"I'll be right back," I tell them and not one of them came after me.

Thank God.

* * *

><p>Honestly, if I could go back in time and not ask Lucas that question, I feel like I wouldn't, but at the same time, it had to be asked.<p>

I had that question bottled up inside of me for weeks. And one day, I KNEW I just had to ask where our relationship was going and although I was nervous about the answer, I didn't think I had anything to worry about.

But boy, I was wrong. Now everything's awkward and everything's off. And it's as if I don't really have a boyfriend. It just threw everything off. And I'm sad about it. But I know the question had to be asked sooner or later. If he was the one, I feel like I should know by now. We were in an adult relationship for  
>two years. We at least had to know if it was worth it to keep it going.<p>

"I'm just sitting here in the park," I tell Sierra over the phone as she called me on her way to her boyfriend's parent's house, "it just sucks when everyone tells you that you should talk to the guy who broke your heart and they make it seem like it's justified or something. Yeah, no, I understand it but I just wish people would let me be and stop telling me what to do. I know, I know they want to help, but it's also, like, okay well why are you only giving me shit? Why does Troy get a free pass? Everyone still loves him. And everyone tells me to be the bigger person and talk to him. I'm fine, yeah, I just needed to escape for a bit. Okay, yeah, I'll call you later. Have fun."

I hung up the phone and looked up and took a deep breath in. I get where everyone was coming from. They wanted me to have closure, but at the same time it's almost as if they're saying I'M the one that owes him something. When that shouldn't be the case at all.

But whatever, I'm here to not think about it at all. I just want to watch these ducks in this cute pond and not think about it.

"Gabriella?"

Fuck. I knew that voice anywhere. Why? Why was he here?

"Hi," I simply told Troy as he came around. He wasn't alone. He was with his dog, Kaya, who I adored. She was the absolute cutest.

This is seriously the last thing I want to do right now and he's the last person I want to talk to. I'm actually sitting here because of a discussion about him. And it's so annoying that he's here right now. This is my spot. And he knows that.

He looked a bit uncomfortable, as he should, and it seemed like he didn't know what to really say. But Kaya was all over me, wanting to be pet.

Kaya Bolton is the sweetest Golden Retriever in the whole world. She was 4 months old when we started dating so I basically watched her grow up and now she's 7 or almost 7. And oh my gosh, I miss her so much. She's one of my favorite dogs in the whole world.

"You okay?"

I looked up from petting Kaya and gave him no emotion really. Of course he's going to ask. Of course. It's his nature. "I'm fine."

He didn't look convinced. "You sure? Look where we're standing..."

I knew where we were standing. My go-to spot if something's bothering me. And he knew that. He's the only person who knows that actually. And it's only because we met here. We met here 7 years ago at the end of sophomore year.

_Today sucked. It seriously sucked so bad. _

_I'm losing one of my close friends to a boy, a boy who tried getting at ME. I don't want him. And she believes him over me. And on top of that, my great-grandma found out she had cancer. So I just want to cry. And cry some more. Mostly about my great-grandma, but about my friend, too. Who picks a boy they barely know over a friend you've had for years? I don't get it. _

_I've been to this park before, but I never realized how pretty it is. The pond in the middle with the water fountain and all the ducks around it, people coming over to feed them. Kids laughing at them, running from them, crying at the sight of them. And all the trees. It was the prettiest park in Scottsdale. _

_Not only was it pretty, but it was relaxing. I came here, not really knowing what I was going to do, but I'm sitting on this bench and everything seems to be getting a bit better. I'm processing things. I'm just trying to understand._

_"Heads up!" _

_Huh? I immediately turned around and saw a soccer ball hit the back of the bench I was sitting on. What the fuck. _

_And then I saw a guy coming towards me. "I'm so sorry, my brother has the worst aim." _

_I recognized this guy. Actually, I knew who it was._

_ It was Troy Bolton, captain of the basketball team. We have a TON of mutual friends, yet we've never met and I don't really know why. We don't have any classes together, but I've seen him around though and he's probably the hottest guy to ever walk the planet. Or the streets of Scottsdale. _

_"It's okay," I hand him back his soccer ball. _

_He grabbed it from me and then stood there for longer than I thought he would. "You okay?" _

_Um. No. But it's been too long of a pause for me to say yes. He'll know I'm lying. So whatever. "Um, yeah, I'm okay." _

_He walked away a little bit and kicked the ball back to his brother and motioned something to him and then came back and took a seat next to me. "I know we haven't officially met, but I'm a pretty good listener." _

_I cracked a smile. The first time in a few hours since I've smiled. And it was something SO simple. Maybe because he's being really nice. People have told me he was nice, but the whole jock, basketball captain thing made me always question it. _

_"It's boring stuff, you wouldn't be interested." _

_He turned his body a bit towards me. He was a little bit sweaty from playing soccer which made his hair stick up a bit, but he still looked ridiculously hot. "Try me, Gabriella."_

_The minute he said my name, I gave in. I love that he knows my name. "It's really so stupid. It's just girl problems and if I say it out loud it sounds ridiculous because who fights over a guy, especially when one of them doesn't even want the guy, you know?" _

_He started laughing ad I was confused by it. Well, not that confused. Because it WAS stupid. Fighting over a guy happens in MOVIES. _

_"I'm sorry, I know I asked, but I'm sitting here wondering why we've never met..." _

_That's what was making him laugh? I guess it is pretty funny considering we've been going to school together for two years now and we have mutual friends. They're closer to him, but still, they're mutual. I don't really know why we haven't met, though. It just hasn't happened. _

_"We didn't have any classes together?" I tried to figure it out, "I'm also never at school for lunch, I don't know if that makes a difference." _

_He nodded, "Yeah, maybe. Just feel like we know a lot of the same people." _

_We do, but I didn't want to be creepy and admit that. "We probably do, I don't know." _

_"Anyway, sorry, you can continue..." _

_Eh, I didn't really want to. I didn't want to tell him I'm fighting with my friend over a guy, a fight I didn't want to happen, but still, it's a fight. And then my great grandma having cancer? I mean, she's 83 years old, but it's still heartbreaking. She's also really healthy so it came as a big shock. Ugh. _

_I shrugged my shoulders, "It's okay, you can get back to your brother..." _

_"We were pretty much done playing," he tells me, "how'd you know he's my brother?" _

_Fucccck. "You guys look alike. Is he not your brother?" _

_He laughed and nodded, "yeah, he is, I'm just messing with you." _

_I knew for a fact it was his brother, but if I didn't play it off like that, I would have came off creepy. How embarrassing. And then just like that, he has me spilling everything and I don't know if I would regret it, but right now, it feels good. I had to get everything off my chest to be somewhat free of all of this. And telling my best friend or my sister, I'm sure it'll work, but this felt more... right. Like I know he's not going to go off and tell people about it. I just have this feeling, but I could be terribly wrong. I don't know much about him. I just hope this feeling isn't off. _

_"Sorry, I'm done." _

_He shakes his head, "No, no, vent all you want." _

_That was nice of him, but seriously, I'm done. I can't say much more or I'll cry or be even more mad. "No, yeah, I have to get going anyway. I just came here to clear my mind for a bit. Try to understand why everything's happening." _

_He's looking at me like he gets it. Like he's experienced it all. And maybe telling him was the right decision. _

_"Thanks," I get up and grab my purse and throw it over my shoulders and adjust my shirt. "I should get going." _

_Troy gets up as well and follows me because I've already starting walking. "Wait," he tells me and I turn around, "they caught it early. Be optimistic and I'm sure she'll be around for 20 more years to watch you grow." _

_A smile quickly emerged on my face and tears starting welling up. He didn't have to offer advice, he just had to listen. That was the plan. _

_Before I could turn around and start walking again, he continued, "also, if it makes you feel any better, I definitely believe he tried to make a pass at you." _

_That was it. He told me he'd see me around and that we should talk some more and then we went our separate ways. The last thing he said to me, though, made me smile bigger than I probably should've. _

_What does it mean? That he thinks I'm good looking so of course a guy is going to hit on me? I can't read too much into it. But one thing I do know is that Troy Bolton, who I never would have imagined, made me feel better. About everything. _

"Gabs..."

Shit. I snapped out of my thoughts. Why did my mind wander there? No. I can't do this right now. "I'm fine. Go walk Kaya and I'll stay here."

Those were the only words that I wanted to say to him and it seemed like he was going to turn around and let me be, but nope. He took a deep breath and sighed. "Look, I know you're not my biggest fan right now and I'm sorry for moving back, but seriously, is everything okay?"

Things weren't fine, but they weren't bad. I just had to escape for a little bit.

But good that he knows where we stand. I don't like him. And it's nice that he's concerned and I know he genuinely means it, but it's not like before anymore. Everything's so different now.

"This isn't like before, okay? I'm not going to sit here and tell all my problems to a guy who fucking broke my heart and left me. Stop acting like everything's fine when it's not. I don't want to talk to you and I definitely don't want you trying to help me out when you clearly don't care about my feelings at all."

I got up and left. I needed a new place to think.


	8. Chapter 8

My sister needed a girls day. She's been cooped up in the house since her little babe was born so I decided to take her out with Sierra.

"My body feels soooo good."

I looked around and hoped no one heard. We were in a restaurant for crying out loud. "Leana..."

Sierra laughed as she reached for a buffalo wing in the middle of the table. Leana looked like she didn't do anything wrong. And I guess she didn't, but it was a bit embarrassing.

"What?" she questioned, "that massage felt SO good. I hadn't had one in SO long."

Well, yeah, exactly why I took her. "You haven't done ANYTHING in so long. But you can cross off massage, manicure and facial off your list."

It was a total girls day. And now we're finishing it off with dinner. It's 5 and we didn't want to stay out too late since she does have a baby to take care of.

Leana laughed as she dug into her soup, "But I miss my baby boy. It feels good to be out, but like, I feel like I don't need to be."

"Do you and Tony have date night?"

She shrugged, "we've had it a couple times. I mean, it's not just me, neither of us want to go out. We just want to be with him all the time."

I guess if they agree on it, why not? "Yeah, but you can't live like that, sooner or later, it'll put a strain and you're gonna have all this tension. You guys have to do date night at least once a week. Or once every two weeks."

"Says the girl who has tension with her own boyfriend and has barely talked to him lately?"

Ouch. "That's different. We're not married."

And then Sierra chimed in. "No, but still, it takes you guys FOREVER to resolve conflicts. Remember that one time you didn't talk to him for a whole week because I don't even remember? Stupid shit. It's not good."

I remember. But we did always resolve it, so I was hopeful this would get resolved, too. "Okay, yes, we have a lot to work on, I know."

"Do you see yourself married to him?"

WHAT. Oh my gosh. This question has never been asked to me. "What?"

Leana looked me straight in the eyes and repeated it carefully. "Do you see yourself married to Lucas?"

Fuckkkk. I really didn't have an answer for her, to be honest. Do I see myself being married to him right now? Marriage is forever to me so do I see myself spending my life with him? "I, I don't know..."

She looked over at Sierra who was sitting next to me and smirked a bit. "Then why are you giving him such a hard time if you don't even know."

"I know I want to move in with him, yes, I do know that," I argue back, "if he asked me to move in with him, I would. And that's taking a step towards it all, that's what I'm saying and that's what I mean. I need more of a commitment from him."

She didn't have much else to say and Sierra and I already talked about it all. Except she didn't ask me if I saw myself married to him. That one caught me  
>off guard for sure.<p>

"Anyway," Leana changed the subject, "Are you still upset with Carmen and them? She texted me this morning asking me something about the birthday party on Saturday and then it came up..."

Of course she didn't ask me about it. "I'm not mad at them," I tell her grabbing a buffalo wing myself, "I was just maybe annoyed. I don't know."

"But why?"

Why? She should know why! "Leana, everyone in my fucking life is so happy that Troy is back and that's great, I wouldn't want anyone hating him. But what he did was so fucked up and everyone's acting like I don't have a reason to hate him. I don't know, it'd just be nice if people had my back. Like be nice to him and whatever, but the fact that people don't even hate him for what he did to me makes me sad, I guess."

Leana put her spoon down and sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive. I just can't hate him and I know that's bugging you. It's not like you want me to hate him, but if I wanted to rip his head off, you wouldn't mind."

Exactly. Ugh. It was the worst.

"Of course we're on your side in this whole mess, of course," she continued, "but can I be completely honest with you right now?"

No, please don't be. "You're going to, anyway. Go ahead..."

She took a deep breath and looked me right in the eyes. "I don't think you and Troy are over for good, I don't," she tells me and I get the chills. I'm not sure if they're good or bad, but I got them. "If he still has feelings for you, I think maybe this could all work out because I know you love Lucas and I know you want to move on with him, but I'm your sister, I know your heart is still with Troy."

Wow. I couldn't say anything for a good solid minute. What could I possibly say? She might have hit the nail in the head on that one, but do I want anyone knowing that? Umm. No. Not really.

"Leana, he broke my heart in two. Literally, he ripped it out and stomped on it. Why in the world would I get back with him?" I felt like Sierra wanted to say something and she should if she really wanted to, but she was holding back. "What?"

Sierra shrugged, "No, I just, I know what he did was shitty. Dumping you, not really giving you a reason, and then moving across the country when you had all these plans together, but I mean, I sort of agree with Leana. I don't think you guys are done for good."

Maybe somewhere deep down, I agree with them. For months, I would picture him coming back and apologizing and everything would be fine, but I can't.

"But we are. I have Lucas."

I don't even know if I believed myself, but I'm trying. It's so hard because Troy was literally my life. We had all these big plans and dreams and I truly believed we were going to accomplish them, but look where we are now. Not together. And who knows. He could have left me for a girl and I have no idea. Why would I want to get back with him? No. I had to focus on Lucas.

Leana nodded and didn't say much else. She knew I wouldn't agree with her. And Sierra did, too, so they dropped it.

But you know what? Maybe it wasn't so deep down.

* * *

><p>I had a long talk with my mom the other day and she was the only one who gets me. Truly gets me. And doesn't say that I should talk to Troy or hear him out. She wants me to do what I feel like doing and that's exactly why I'm here at my friend's birthday brunch.<p>

It's a casual thing that's being held at her grandparents mansion and it's SO beautiful and it's the perfect day out for a brunch.

"Can't believe you're 24."

Kimberly smiled and took my gift from me and put it on the table before giving me a hug. "I know, I can't either. Thanks for coming. I miss you."

I missed her, too. We used to be such good friends in high school, but then life happens. We're still close, we just don't see each other as much. "I know, we need to start getting together for dinner again. It's been a while."

She led me to the table in the backyard that was all decked out and beautiful. It was a long table that looked like it was going to seat 18 people maybe. Kendall was one of them, but she was currently in the bathroom right now putting on her makeup because she didn't have time at home. Ha.

"So who's coming?"

It was a last minute brunch so I haven't had time to talk to anyone about it, really.

Kim fixed up a few things on the table that seemed to be misaligned and turned back to me. "Well, you and Kendall. Tessa, Melissa, Katie, David, Monica, Charlie, um Will and Troy..."

She stopped right there and I knew she wanted my reaction, but I was fine. I was just going to stay clear of him. Say hi and nothing else. "It's all good."

Kim smiled and looked a bit relieved, "I know you guys are mature so I wasn't too worried, but you know, he's my friend too and I hated him for a while, but I've known him for so long, it feels weird shutting him out."

THIS is what I wanted form my friends. Just some support to let me know that yeah, they knew what he did was shitty instead of actually just saying it.

"It's totally fine, I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Okay, good," we start walking away from the table since no one's here yet. We're actually the first, "Where's Lucas?"

Ah, Lucas. He was invited, but I didn't want to bring him. I was still mad at him and I didn't want it to become a big thing. I was going to let Kimberly enjoy her day. "Things are weird right now and I didn't want to bring that drama to your brunch."

She frowned. "Why? Why is he being so difficult?"

I wish I knew. Maybe he's just not that into me anymore. Who knows. "I really don't know or do I care right now. It's your day."

We walked back into the house and saw Kendall emerging from the bathroom looking all fresh and ready. She didn't need makeup to be honest, she was so naturally beautiful and I was always soooo jealous, but this wasn't just a brunch. I mean, it was casual, but a little dressy as well. Make up was a must. And We're all in like summer dresses and wedges. Well, I'm not. I'm just wearing a summer dress and cute little sandals and my hairs up because it's hot outside. It's FREAKING hot. But what do you expect, it's summer in Arizona. Gross. It's so gross.

"Hello?"

We lifted our heads from the ground as we were looking at Kendall's shoes and saw Will Porter walking towards us. Will Porter, Troy's best friend. His best friend in the whole wide world.

It hasn't been the same between Will and I for some time now, but at one point, we were really good friends and it sucks. It's quite sad, but I get it.

Kim ran over to him and jumped in his arms and welcomed him and then he gave Kendall a hug. And finally, we smiled at each other awkwardly, but we ended up giving each other a hug as well. We'll still hang out because of the group, but I don't think we've had a one on one conversation in a long time. Over a year, for sure. And it sucked. I miss him. He's a good guy.

"Am I the first guy here?"

Kim laughed and offered him something to drink but he said he was fine. "Okay, door's open, but if they knock, can you guys let them in? I have to run upstairs really quick."

Uhhhh. Will and Kim are incredibly close, like brother and sister almost so if she goes, it's going to be awkward between Kendall, Will, and I. I mean, Kendall and Will are friends too and they talk and know each other well, but I just feel like he doesn't really like me anymore so ugh.

"So what have you guys been up to?"

We sat down on the couches in the living room as we sipped on our mimosas. I let Kendall take this one since it seemed like he was only asking her since he didn't make eye contact with me. "Oh, nothing, same old..."

He chuckled a bit, "Has Chris popped the question?"

Kendall put her drink down and shook his head. "No," she chuckled slightly, "You should maybe talk to him about it."

"Where is he?"

"He went with his mom to visit some family in Queen Creek."

That was pretty much the extent of their conversation. And then he turned his head towards me and oh God, is he actually going to talk to me? Yep. "What about Lucas, where's he?"

Um. Oh, he's at home. We're fighting. Hell no I'm not going to say that. "Um, yeah, he's with his family. Cousin's birthday or something like that." It was a total lie and I'm pretty sure he knew because he didn't look convinced.

"Where's Angelica?" Thank you, Kendall. She chimed in and mentioned his girlfriend now.

"She's out of town, too."

Angelica's still nice to me. They started dating a few months before Troy and I broke up and we're still super friendly. I mean, we don't go to lunch or anything like that, but at these get togethers, she'll say more than hi like her boyfriend. She actually converses with me and is really nice. I like her a lot.

"Everyone's significant other is missing today," Kendall laughed, "I guess it's just the original gang then."

"Yeah," Will agreed, "David and Troy are on their way, I think."

That's great. Make me feel uncomfortable, why don't ya? The second it got silent, Kendall's phone started ringing. I looked over to see who was calling her and it was her mom so she had to pick it up. And if you knew Kendall, you'd know she hated talking on the phone in front of people so she made her way outside and before closing the sliding doors, she gave me a look like she was apologizing for leaving me alone with Will.

Yeah, she should be. This is the first time I've been alone with him in over two years. It's going to be so freaking awkward. What the heck.

"I feel like you think I hate you," he tells me and I immediately turn my head towards him. I was staring at Kendall through the glass doors, but now I'm looking at him. "I don't hate you at all."

What? Are we seriously going to talk about this right now? "Your loyalty's to your best friend so I get it."

He looked down at the ground and shook his head slightly like what I'm saying doesn't even make sense. "It's just been weird because I know you're not his biggest fan and he's still my best friend so I don't know, I feel like you didn't want to associate with me or something."

He's not completely wrong for feeling like that, but that was never the case. I still talked to his other best friends. "I get it, but it wasn't like that at all."

"So you don't hate me?"

I smile and shake my head. "Of course not. You're not responsible for the way your best friend dumped me."

He got quiet and I knew i shouldn't have said hat, but I couldn't resist. I'm regretting it now, though, because I feel like we were getting somewhere good. Like we were going to be able to talk like we used to. "Lucas is a good guy, but you guys should talk."

Um, okay. No. Remember what your mom said, Gabs. I'd probably feel much better knowing WHY he dumped me but I really honestly don't want to talk to him. I don't want old feelings coming back at all. It's better to seer clear. "I'm good."

He sort of just nodded his head like he understood, but I'm sure he doesn't agree with me. "Your choice, I just think it's the perfect time to lay everything on the table, you know?

What the heck does he mean by that? "I just don't think anyone truly gets it."

And that was pretty much the extent of our conversation because Tessa, Melissa and Charlie all walked in and interrupted us. It was weird. Tessa was one of my really good friends in high school, Melissa was our really good mutual friend and Charlie was Troy's good friend. And here they are, walking in together. That's what Troy and I did. We merged our friends together and it was the greatest clique ever. It still is. Except the two people who brought them together are no longer on good terms. It's so weird how that works out, doesn't it?

But whatever, that's life.

* * *

><p>It's actually not that bad. Troy was at the other end of the table. He was across from me so I could still see him and make eye contact, but he was like four, five seats down so he wasn't close enough to be in conversation with.<p>

Which is good. I think he heard me loud and clear the other day because when he came in, he just sort of nodded at me and didn't say much else.

"Can I just say that I'm so happy that you guys are all here because seriously, you guys are all my closest and dearest friends and celebrating my birthday without you guys would just feel incomplete. So thank you all for coming..."

A collective "cheers!" was screamed after Kim's toast and we all toasted to each other and smiled and then dug right into our plate of food. Everything looked good, everything smelled good, and everything felt good. Seriously, this was going to be a good morning/afternoon, I could feel it.

"You guys," Kim said all excitedly, "Rebecca HAS to share her engagement story. It's the SWEETEST thing ever!"

Rebecca who was sitting across from me was smiling and looking a bit shy. She was one of Kim's really good friends and we all know her and consider her  
>a friend too, but she's mostly Kim's. She was two years older and she'd really only come around if Kim held something, but we're all so excited for her.<p>

And everyone of course wants to hear the story.

She blushed a bit, but started telling it, anyway, "It was two weeks ago, Tom and I went to the cutest little restaurant in Mesa called Rancho De Tia Rosa and after that we..."

I zoned out. I completely zoned out because the minute she said Rancho De Tia Rosa, my mind went back to seven years ago on May 14th... the day Troy and I had our very first date and one of the best days of my life.

_"It's a bit of a drive, but wasn't it so good?" _

_I stuck my arm out the window and let it fly freely in the hot Arizona wind as we drove back to Scottsdale from Mesa. We just had the best dinner at Rancho De Tia Rosa and the best conversation and oh my gosh, I like this guy. _

_I had a feeling I would because everything up to this point had been so good. The cute little texts we'd exchange, his understanding of having to move the date because of my great-grandma, and I don't know. I felt good about this one and so far, I'm not wrong about him at all. I'm smiling like an idiot as he's turning down the radio to talk to me and I have to get myself together and not get too ahead of myself. _

_I put my arm back in and turn to him, "So good. I have to go back." _

_He laughed and nodded, "We can go back soon." _

_Soon? That gave me reassurance. And made me extremely happy. Mainly because I really liked the enchiladas. Kidding. Sort of. I liked him, too. _

_I said something that was probably stupid because it didn't earn a reply, just a small smile which was okay because we were pulling up at my house. And it's 11:30, but I didn't really want this night to end. I knew it had to, though, because my curfew's in 30 minutes. _

_I opened the door and got out and of course, like the gentleman he was being all night, he walked me to my door. _

_This was always the nerve wracking part. I know the date was going good, he was laughing and it seemed like he was enjoying it, but you just never know.  
>Is he going to try to kiss me? I want to kiss him, but if he doesn't go for it, should I?<em>

_There were so many questions and I was starting to freak out. We're standing on my porch now and I really don't know where to go from here._

_"I had a really great time tonight," he tells me as he shoves one hand inside his pocket. _

_I clutched onto my purse and nodded in agreement, "Me, too. Thanks for taking me." Okay, that was super lame. What the heck, Gabriella. Get it together. _

_And in a moment, we're looking into each others eyes and he's taking his hand out of his pocket and bringing it up to my face and slowly, our lips meet. And it's the most magical kiss I've ever had. _

_Butterflies, goosebumps, chills. All of that happened immediately and it was a good thing. A very good thing. _

_He pulled apart and smiled at me, "I feel like I've been wanting to do that for a long time." _

_I wanted to say, me too, but it wouldn't be true. I mean, I never in a million years thought I'd have a shot with Troy Bolton. The basketball star. One of the most popular guys in school. But here I am, kissing him. And it was the most amazing feeling ever because he's making me feel like he's wanted this for some time now. And I don't know if I believe that, but I'm not going to question it because I have it right now and it's what I want. _

_"You can do it again anytime you'd like." _

_So he did. He leaned down and kissed me again. And again. And again. Until we realized we couldn't do this all night. _

_We broke apart for good this time and he started walking away a bit. "I'll call you tomorrow." _

_I just smiled at him and nodded before turning around and opening my door. I was smiling from ear to ear and it was so weird to me. I've always been one  
>of those girls that didn't care for other girls saying their best time was with a guy. Maybe because I never experienced it or maybe because I'm a big family girl and obviously my favorite times are with my family, but tonight... tonight was so magical. Literally so good. <em>

_And I get it now. Because tonight was one of the best nights of my life. And hopefully the start of something new. Something great. _

I snapped out of my memories once I heard everyone "awwing" and I felt bad I didn't listen to the story, but I could just get the rundown on it from Kendall later. She'd understand.

Why does my mind keep flashing back to all of this? It sucked. I slowly glanced over at Troy to see what he was doing and it seemed like he wasn't paying attention either. He was staring off into space and then I think he felt me looking at him because he glanced over at me as well.

And we made eye contact. And everything stopped for a moment.

I knew we were on the same page. I knew he was thinking about our first date and every single other date we had there after that. I knew that and it made me feel good inside. But at the same time, it broke my heart.

Rancho De Tia Rosa became our place. No one we knew went there and so, we did. We'd go all the time. We went there to escape and have us time and that was our spot. I've cried there before, I've been so mad at him over a plate of fajitas, and I laughed until I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't take this. This sucked. I missed him so much. And I was so mad at him all at the same time.


	9. Chapter 9

"Are you still mad at me?"

It's been a while since I've seen Lucas and I figured I'd have to see him sooner or later. He'd call and text, but I just wasn't ready to see him or deal with it because of course I'd want to talk about the issue. I couldn't help myself.

So I told him to come over and we could order a pizza or something and that's the first question he asks me.

Yes. The answer is yes, I am mad at him. "Just come in."

He comes in and closes the door behind him and immediately slips off his shoes. He followed me to the living room area and joined me on the couch. "Not even a kiss?"

I glanced over at him. He was so adorable. It was hard to be mad at him, but I was. I was so angry that he's giving me such a bullshit answer. "Give me the real reason you don't want to talk about our future and I'll give you one."

He throws his head back in frustration and groans, "Seriously? I already did. I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring so why question it?"

Oops, I'm already rolling my eyes. Pretty sure I was before he even answered the question.

"Okay," I tell him lowering the volume on the TV a bit and turning my body towards him, "so let's say you fall in love with some girl and you realize you want to marry her. Are you not going to propose because you don't know what tomorrow will bring?"

He looked a bit taken aback. It was a fucking good analogy and I was proud of myself for actually asking him. Pretty sure I stumped him because he wasn't saying anything. He had his eyes closed and his head was leaning back on the pillow.

"Exactly," I tell him, "so it is me."

I got up and went over to the kitchen and grabbed myself a glass of wine. Seriously, fuck him. Fuck him for making me waste two years of my life. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but when did he see it not being forever? Or not even forever, but when did he see it not being me in a couple months?

He quickly got up and followed me to the kitchen, "I love you with all my heart."

Normally, I'd melt at the sound of that, but I couldn't fall for it. He was deflecting and I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I was about to blow up and snap.

No, I did blow up and snap. "Will you fucking stop?! Lucas, it's been two fucking years. I'm not asking you to fucking marry me, but at least fucking tell me where you see me in your life. Do you want to move in? Can you give me a fucking promise ring to show me that you're fully, one hundred percent in and  
>ON the way to marriage or something like that? Anything?"<p>

Too many f words in there, but I couldn't help it. I was just so fed up.

He was quiet for a bit. And then he paced around the kitchen, his hands in his hair and he looked annoyed. Like I did something so wrong to him. Uhhh.

"Look, you're right, it was a stupid excuse," he tells me, turning around and looking me straight in my eyes, "I honestly don't know. I don't know what the future holds for us. You asked me and I froze. I want to see you in my future because I'm so in love with you, but I don't. And it's not in a bad way, I just, I'm not thinking about it. But do I want to break up with you? Of course not. Do I want to move in with you? Yes. A million times yes. And then hopefully  
>the answer is clear to me and it just comes to me that yes, I want to spend my future with you."<p>

It probably wasn't the answer most girls would want, but it was honest and that's ALL I wanted from him. Honesty.

And I didn't care anymore. I hated fighting with him. And his answer was good enough for me. For now "I'm sorry," I apologized, "I've just, I just started thinking all about my life and I thought it was the next step. Like deciding who's going to be in my future and who's not. And I'm, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," he apologized, "I've probably put you through so much emotionally and I'm sorry. I don't ever want you to question my love for you."

After today, I don't. And I won't.

I didn't feel the most secure about it, to be honest, or the best, but it was honest. So I'll take it. "I love you."

"And I love you."

* * *

><p>Okay, this Pina Colada from Jolta Java is probably the best one I've ever had.<p>

Which was good because today was an incredibly stressful and long day of work and it took so much out of me, so this is what I needed right now. This and my best friend in the whole world.

"Try this," Kendall put her drink in front of my face as we took a seat outside the coffee shop for a couple minutes to relax, "it's SO good."

I grabbed her ginger peach iced tea and took a sip. Ummm yesss. "It's like they knew we had stressful days and they wanted to make it better by perfecting our favorite drinks!"

Kendall laughed and took her drink back and drank some more, "I know, seriously, it's perfect."

This was our go-to coffee shop. They had everything. Food, good coffee, good tea, fruit smoothies. And it was close by. Occasionally, we'd go to Starbucks if we were in a rush because it's a drive-thru, but we prefer this place. Everyone prefers this place, I think. It's soooo good.

"You know what I was thinking?"

"Hm?"

Kendall put her drink down and took her phone out of her purse, "We should take a trip to California," she paused for a second, "Chris mentioned it the other day and I have vacation time still, so. That'll be fun, right?"

I mean, it would be. It's now July and I'm sure the weather is SO much better than it is here, but California was a sensitive spot for me and she knows that  
>so I really don't know why she's suggesting it right now. "California?"<p>

Her eyes widened and she looked like she felt SO bad. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Um. Forget I said anything, I just haven't been in a while and I don't know."

No, I get it. California is beautiful. Who cares if it's where Troy and I said "I love you" to each other for the first time and had sex for the first time, had the most MAGICAL trip for our 3 year, and visited his aunt and stayed with her during the summer.

"I have to get over it," I tell her, "I can't avoid California forever."

Or Rancho De Tia Rosa. I haven't been there in 3 fucking years and it's killing me, but too many memories. It just wouldn't feel right going. It sucks. It sucks when you're with someone for SO long and you create so many memories and SO many things remind you of him and you guys together. But it is what is is.

Kendall took another sip of her drink and frowned, "It's not like you guys vacationed there once. It was sort of like your guys' place so I get it. It totally slipped my mind and I'm sorry."

I couldn't be mad at her for that. "No, no, it's okay. What better way than going back to California with my best friend?"

She smiled and looked excited that I was going to take that step. Maybe my next step would be going back to that restaurant. "When can you go?"

I grabbed my phone and looked at my calendar. "I can go August 10th, I'm off for 4 days."

Kendall looked at her calendar as well and nodded in agreement. "Perfect. Eeek. Okay. I better book the reservations. We definitely want to go to Malibu and that area over there, it's seriously sooo pretty."

It is and I've been dying to go back.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, both of us just on our phones, but when I heard laughing coming front ahead of me, I looked up and saw two girls walking out of Jolta Java. And I knew the two girls.

One of them was Yvette Garcia. The girl in the facebook pics with Troy.

Kendall turned around and made eye contact with them. And then smiled at them and ended up getting up to give them hugs. What the fuck.

Okay, I couldn't be upset because they were friends with Kendall. We all went to high school together and we had classes together, but just never hung out. If I'm being honest, and it's not just because of Troy, I never really cared for Yvette. She never really liked me, either.

And yep, I was right.

I didn't get up to say hi because well, why would I? They're not my friends. Kendall walked over to them and started talking to him and Yvette said loud enough for me to hear something about Troy.

Ha. I'm not sure if she knows I have a boyfriend of two years, but I could care less about Troy whereabouts.

I knew she wanted me to hear it, though, because she looked right at me. She always had a crush on Troy and maybe that's why she hated me, but whatever, I guess she has him now.

Kendall said bye to them and they glanced over at me and gave me the smallest of smiles. Whatever, I never think about them.

"That was a little weird."

I pretended to not know what was going on. I have no idea, actually. But I did hear Troy's name, so maybe that's what she was referring to. "Hm?"

She sat down and took another sip of her tea. "Oh, I don't know, Yvette, like she talked about Troy for like a minute and it didn't even need to be brought up. It was weird."

"Who cares." It's what I said, but not really what I meant. I kiiiiinda did want to know what she said.

"I know," she tells me, "but it was just weird. They asked what I was doing tonight and I told them that I was probably just going to go to Tessa's to hang out with everyone and Yvette chimes in and goes, "well without Troy, he's coming with us to our friends party."

Ha. Of course he is. Yvette's group of friends were sluts. And they were all so annoying. Nice, but annoying. "Good for him."

Kendall laughed. She knew I wasn't serious. "Like, um, thanks for telling me?"

"She's had a thing for him since high school so whatever, let her have him. Maybe he'll dump her in a nicer way, or maybe they'll get married, who knows and who cares."

"Well now you can go to Tessa's and just relax."

True. I was still going to go because even though it was a bit awkward last time we were together at Kim's during that story, the rest of the time was fine.  
>We didn't really interact and everyone was getting along fine. We can definitely coexist. "I was going to go regardless."<p>

Maybe because it's the summer still, but we've all been getting together more than usual. When he first came back, I thought it was going to be fine because we all don't hang out as much as we did before, everyone's finishing school or getting their career started, but no. Every weekend it's been something and it's fine I guess, just not what I thought. It's probably because it's still summer. In a couple of months, I won't have to be in the same room with him every other weekend or so, so that's good. I'm looking forward to that, for sure.

But for right now, I'm going to enjoy my Pina Colada.

* * *

><p>Are you kidding me?<p>

I'm walking up to Tessa's house and you know who's walking up too? Yep. My ex boyfriend.

This would be so much better if I wasn't alone, but nope. Kendall came before me and Lucas has the flu so he's at his mom's house and ugh. Why am I even here? I'd much rather be cuddled up on the couch watching a movie.

Bit I guess I can do that here. I always do actually. Most of the time when we all get together, we're all cuddled up on the couch watching movies. Ha.

"After you."

Of course. Of course he's being a fucking gentleman.

The both of us stand at the door and knock and wait for someone to open it. It's awkward as fuck. It's like we came together and that's so weird. But luckily, Kendall opened the door so we didn't have to explain too much.

"Hey," she gave us a weird look.

I rolled my eyes and walked in and immediately put my purse down in the entrance and made my way to the back. But then I realized that I left the bottle of wine I brought in the car and ugh, I have to go back and get it. Luckily, no one had really seen me yet.

Walking back, I stopped mid-way when I saw Kendall and Troy talking. I didn't hide, but I just sort of moved off to the side and I'm pretty sure they weren't able to see me.

"Thought you weren't coming?" Kendall asked Troy.

He gave her a weird look and put his keys down on the key tray they had in the front, "Why would you think that? I told them I was."

Kendall shrugged and closed the door behind him and turned to face him. "I ran into Yvette earlier and she said you guys were going to some party together,  
>I don't know, really. It was random."<p>

"Yvette?"

Kendall nodded. "Garcia."

Troy seemed like he finally caught on to what Kendall was talking about. "Ohhh, yeah, no. I mean, she asked if I wanted to, but no. Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

He laughed and looked at her a bit weird. "I'm not really friends with her. Her sister's dating my cousin and we hung out like once, when I got back into town at some bar and that was pretty much it. Did she make it seem like we were hanging out?"

Kendall looked relieved, like she didn't want him to be dating her and it was weird. Did she still have hope for us like Leana and Sierra did? "Oh, um, yeah maybe a little bit. I don't know. It's not a big deal."

"Next time you see her, can you tell her nothing's going on? Thought it was clear when I wouldn't text her back."

She laughed a little and I could tell she felt bad for Yvette. Even I felt a little bad. Okay, not really. "I don't see her often, you'll probably see her before me."

He nodded and shrugged, "she was such a low key bitch in high school, why would I ever go out with her?"

The thing about Kendall is that she's SUCH a good friend. Everyone knew that. They could tell her something and they knew it would never get back to me just because I'm her best friend. Even if it was something as simple as what Troy just told her. She doesn't go around spreading the conversations she had with people if it had to do with other people, you know? Like this conversation, she could interpret it as her wanting him to tell me so I know they're not an item, but she won't. She keeps things to herself. So if I wasn't standing here listening to the whole thing, I probably wouldn't have known what Troy told her. Also, Troy knows this. So it's not like he was telling her in hopes that it'd get back to me and have me know that he's still single.

Kendall wasn't that great of friends with Yvette but they were friendly. She was mostly friends with Yvette's best friend. And she never saw the things I'd tell her about, so she probably didn't get it. "She was?"

He sort of laughed, probably because he thought she might be kidding. "Well, not to me specifically."

And that's when Kendall got it. He would never date her because she was a low key bitch to me. And I couldn't help but sit back and watch and have a smile emerge on my face. Even though we're no longer together, it's nice that he still cares in some way. Because going out with Yvette would be the ultimate diss to me. And he just basically said he'd never do that. And that was really nice of him.

Ugh fuck him. Why does he have to do this?


	10. Chapter 10

"Feeling better?"

Lucas put down his gatorade on the table and nodded, "Yeah, no fever or anything, but still don't really have an appetite."

Good. Because I've been avoiding him for, like, three days because I really, really did not want to get sick. Actually, I couldn't get sick. I had such a crazy work week that if I missed, no, I can't even think about missing, that's how crazy it's been.

I felt a little bad, but I just couldn't take the chances. "Sorry I've been MIA, it's just been a crazy time..."

"It's okay," he tells me and he sits back and puts his feet up on his coffee table, "I'm not sick anymore, I just haven't gotten my appetite back."

Okay, cool. He was pretty sick the first day. He was throwing up everywhere and then he just had a fever and chills the next day. It was a 24 hour thing, but I, of course, didn't want to take my chances so I stayed away.

Maybe eating this salad in front of him isn't a great idea, but whatever, I'm starving. "You wanna try to eat?"

He looks at my salad and shakes his head, "I know I won't throw up, but nothing sounds good to me right now, so no thanks."

Okay, that's fine. Ha, more for me. I hated seeing people sick. It was literally the worst thing, ever. And I hardly got sick so maybe that's why I hate being around sick people. "So you've been able to go out and stuff?"

"Yeah, since yesterday. I went to the mall with Gage for a bit and I was fine."

Oh, that's good. I guess. I don't know. I asked him but right now I'm so focused on this DELICIOUS salad, I didn't really hear his response. Is that bad? Eh,  
>I haven't eaten in over 3 hours. I'm starving.<p>

He grabbed the remote and changed the channel. "I ran into your friend Troy, actually."

Um, okay, that I definitely heard. Now THAT'S bad. "What?"

Lucas kept flipping through the channels until he finally landed on Seinfeld. He put the volume down a little because it was a little too loud and sort of just nodded. "Yeah, he's your friend, right? I ran into him at Jolta Java afterward. He's cool. We got to talking a bit."

What the fuck. I'm over here choking on my salad. My ex boyfriend and my current boyfriend got to talking a bit? What the fuck does that even mean? And why are they talking? And what could they possibly talk about? I didn't get it. I don't want it happening. No. They can't be talking. Ugh.

"You talked to him?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I recognized him and I just said hi while we were waiting for our drinks. And I don't know, we just got to talking."

This is so fucking weird. "About what?"

He turned to me and gave me a weird look. Like, why should I care so much? But he's the one that brought it up so obviously he wanted to tell me, right? "Just getting to know each other a bit. Isn't he part of your group of friends? Didn't you guys go to high school together?"

Uhh yeah and we dated for four years. I lost my virginity to him. I almost got arrested for trespassing on a beach with him. And I was madly in love with him.

But I couldn't tell him that, obviously. "No, yeah," I tell him, "but it's not like you've ever gone out of your way to get to know my friends."

Fuuuuck. No. I shouldn't have said that. He muted the TV and turned his body towards me. "I'm sorry if your friends have never been that inviting towards me," he argues back and I really can't say anything because it sort of is true. "I thought it was nice of me to talk to him. I mean, I did at Caroline's that day and he was pretty cool."

My friends weren't mean to him and they did like him but they didn't make the biggest effort to include him in most things. And most of them didn't even have his number so they're not great of friends with him. If he knew Troy and I dated, a great friend of theirs, then he'd understand, but he doesn't know that the guy I dated for four years was part of the group.

Or that it was the guy that he talked to at Jolta Java yesterday. "I was just curious about it," I tell him looking back down at my salad and playing around with it with my fork.

"No, nothing, he was just telling me about New York because we touched base on it at that party," he explains to me, "and I was just trying to understand why in the world he would turn down a basketball scholarship."

He laughed but I wasn't. That was a very sensitive subject for me. And I couldn't just tell him he turned it down for me. Like, oh yeah, I didn't want to leave home and so he didn't want to leave me therefore he had to give up his scholarship. No way.

"Oh." It was all I could really say.

Lucas took his feet off the coffee table and sat up a bit. "He didn't really get into why, he was being a bit shady about it. Not like he needs to tell me because he hardly knows me, but I don't know."

"He's a very private guy," I tell him, trying to end this conversation right now.

"If you say so," he tells me and then grabs his Gatorade. "but anyway, yeah, ran into him and then I went to the driving range for a bit and that was pretty much all I did."

I stopped paying attention once he said driving range. I don't know if that's all he said or he said more because my mind was now on Troy. Why wasn't he throwing it in his face that he dated me for four years? That he was my first love and I was his? I know he has no reason to hate me, but still. I guess this means he has no feelings for me anymore, right? If he did, wouldn't he try to break us up? Or just shove it in Lucas' face? I don't know.

I'm probably over thinking this, but I just find it so weird how nice Troy is being. No, I don't. He is a nice guy. And I know he would never throw it in Lucas' face that he had me first or anything like that. He's not that kind of guy. Any guy, regardless if they still had feelings or not for the girl, would love nothing more than to brag about how they had her first and break the news to them that they actually dated or whatever, you know? And Troy's not doing that at all.

But I wish I did find it weird so it would give me a reason to hate him. But no. I don't hate him.

And all he's making me do is think about him. Which is not good. Not good at all.

* * *

><p>I didn't end up going to California.<p>

I just couldn't really take off work and also, it would feel weird going back there without you know who. That's not to say I'll never go back, but right now, it just wasn't the right time. Maybe soon, maybe not. I don't know.

Instead, I'm going to make dinner for Leana and my brother-in-law and Sierra. And we're all going to have a nice, relaxing night in since Lucas is going to a concert with his friends and Sierra's boyfriend is visiting family in Nevada.

"No, I know, but it doesn't call for that," I tell my mom frustrated on the phone. She's telling me to get onions for this recipe but it doesn't say to. I don't even know why I called her, to be honest. Oh, right. I needed to know what meat was the best. "But I don't even like onions, so what, I put them in there just so I could pick them out? That's annoying. Okay, well I guess it's good that you're not going to be there. None of us like onions. Mom, I really just  
>called for the meat, this isn't a big deal..."<p>

And then I looked up from laughing at how ridiculous this conversation with my mom was, and I was met with the bluest eyes.

No, they weren't Troy Bolton's. They were his moms.

Fuuuuck. "Okay, um, yeah, I have to go now, but I'll call you later. Love you."

I ended the call and put it back in my purse that was sitting in the front seat of the cart. Shit. This was going to be SO awkward. The last time I saw Patricia Bolton was probably five months ago and two years had passed, but it wasn't the best conversation. It was forced and it was awkward but thank God  
>I had Tessa with me because that girl could TALK. And she was also really friendly with Patricia. It's not like she hates me, but obviously she's not going to hug and kiss me like before. I mean, Troy's her son. I'm the ex girlfriend who "hates" him. There are boundaries, for sure. Even though I considered her to be like a second mom to me. And I miss her. I really, really miss her. But what could I do? It was her son's fault.<p>

"Gabriella," she smiled at me.

I didn't have to force a smile, it came naturally. I was happy to see her, but I didn't necessarily want to talk to her. "Hi."

She put the chicken she had in her hand in her cart and pushed it off to the side. "How are you?" she's a little too cheery for my liking, I don't really want to be sucked in, "I haven't seen you in a while."

Well, yeah, you can thank your son for that. This feels awkward, but at the same time, not really. It's so weird. "Um, yeah, I'm good. I'm just grabbing some stuff to make dinner for my sister and her family tonight."

"Oh, right, she had the baby. How's she doing?" she smiles at me and looks genuinely excited for her, "your mom told me he's the cutest baby in world."

Right. Did I mention that my mom and Patricia are STILL friends? Good friends. They lunch. They call each other. I don't hate it, but it is a bit weird. Like, do they talk about me? About Troy? About us? My mom never tells me. She'll tell me a couple things, like oh, Troy's cousin had a baby. But simple stuff like that. They obviously try to be respectful of me and Troy, but still, it hurts a bit. Because I miss Patricia and I wish we could still go to lunch like we used to. And go shopping and get our nails done. It sucks. But it is what it is. Ugh.

I always smile when thinking of my nephew. He was just the cutest thing in the world. "Yeah," I tell her, pushing my cart off to the side so people can walk by, "he's growing everyday and is the perfect little baby."

I'm not sure why she's asking because I know she's met him before, but she's probably just trying to make conversation.

"I miss you, sweetie," she tells me after a few moments of silence, "maybe one day if you're up for it, we can get some lunch and catch up."

Oh man, I can feel the tears welling up inside my eyes. Seriously, I want to cry. I miss her, too. And I miss their whole family. But it's just way too close to home for me. So many feelings and emotions would come back and I don't know if I can handle that.

But before I could answer, Julia Bolton came up to her mom carrying a few things in her hand. "They didn't have the Ben & Jerry dad likes, but they did have the one I like, so I grabbed it and..."

And then she realized her mom was talking to someone. She turned to face me and her face was completely blank. She probably wasn't expecting this.

Well, neither was I.

"Gabriella," my name came out of her mouth so softly, "Hi."

I couldn't help but smile at her. I mean, I had nothing against either of these girls. Just by association, I should probably stay away, but they were a big part of my life too and I miss them so much. Especially Julia who became like a sister to me. "Hi."

It's been SUCH a long time since I've seen her. She's actually going to college out in California and she left the same time Troy did. They're two years apart and she's in her third year at UCLA and so yeah, I've had a reason to not see her- she's not even in town. But she's back for the summer and the last time I saw her was last year at a party. It was forced small talk and I absolutely hated it. I wish Troy and I ended on good terms so I could have stayed close with his family, but like I said, it was too close to home. I would not be able to talk and see them everyday like I used to without thinking about Troy.

"Wow, didn't expect to see you here."

Same. Everyone knows Sprouts is my store. But Vons was so much closer to my sister's house and I was going to get ice cream and I didn't want it to melt and stuff so I just came here.

I laughed and shrugged, "I know, it was just more convenient."

She smiled at me, finally, and I knew she was happy to see me. I could just feel it. "How have you been?"

Her mom just asked me the same question and I gave her a really vague response so many I should try this again and actually tell them how I'm doing. Well, work wise because personally, I don't know. Everything's still a little iffy with Lucas, if I do say so myself. "Everything's good. Got my first major client at my job and yeah, it's been going good." Okay, good enough, "What about you, one year to go?"

"Yesss," she groaned, looking back at her mom, "it seriously feels like it's flying by. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start my life."

This felt completely weird, standing here talking to them, but at the same time, completely normal. It was always so easy with them. "It's not so bad, if you get to do what you love."

She smiled at me and then Patricia stepped in and changed the convo. "So, are you doing anything fun this summer?"

Hm, no. Nothing at all. Which sucks. "I don't have anything really planned. Just work. BBQs, laying out by the pool, the usual..."

"Oh, what a shame," she tells me, which coming from her is a shame. She LOVES traveling and going on vacation. "We're actually headed out to California tomorrow. For a week or so, we haven't been there since end of March so it's time."

I laughed because it's only been a few months, but they always went out to California so for them, it's a while. And it's so weird that if i would have went with Kendall, they would have been in California, too. Ha, thank God I didn't go then. It's already hard enough as it is to avoid Troy here. With my chances, I'd run into him over there and yeah, it's better I stayed.

"How fun! Kendall actually just headed out there yesterday," I tell them, "with her boyfriend."

Julia smiled and chuckled a little bit. Ugh, is she remembering all the times Troy and I would go? And with them? God, I hope she doesn't bring that up. "Okay, Kendall's boyfriend is so good looking."

Oh. Thank god. HA. "He's pretty handsome," I agree, "but you know, they're pretty happy together."

She pretended to frown, but I knew she would never try to steal him from her. "I know, they're so freaking cute together, it makes me sad."

Doesn't she have a boyfriend of like three years? They started dating right around the time Troy and I broke up so I've only met him a couple of times. "Are you single now?"

She shook her head, "Oh, no, but Kendall's like a model and he looks like this athlete and I don't know, they just look perfect together."

I laughed. It was true. But if I remember correctly, her boyfriend is pretty attractive as well. And her? She's gorgeous. Their whole family is. Seriously. The Bolton clan is the most beautiful family, ever.

And then I realized I had ice cream in the cart and it's the exact reason why I came here. Crap.

"Well, I have to get going. I'm pretty much done here and my sister's expecting me," I tell them, grabbing my cart from the side.

Patricia nodded and Julia finally went over to the cart and dropped off the ice cream cartons she was holding. We had a nice little conversation going, but there was no way I could talk to them for any longer because then we'd start reminiscing and then I'd probably start crying and it wouldn't be good. So I had to stop it.

Julia gave me a hug and while it wasn't unexpected, it still caught me a little by surprise. "It was really nice seeing you."

I mumbled a "yeah, same," and then Patricia came over and gave me a hug as well. Don't cry, Gabriella, it's just a freaking hug. It's just a hug. Ha. I've been so emotional lately and I know I'm not pregnant because I haven't done it with Lucas in a while. But you guys don't need to know that, now do you?

"I'm serious about lunch, sweetie," she tells me backing away, "your mom and sister included. Just to catch up and stuff. Some girl time."

I tell her yes, but I'm not sure if I really mean it. We're both so incredibly close to our parents and I'm pretty sure he tells them everything just like I do with mine, but I really don't think they understood just how in love we were. Like, I would have married him if we ran away to Vegas together. Maybe they do know. Or maybe Troy wasn't as invested as I was and maybe that's why he called it off, I don't know. This was all so weird. It's weird how all of a sudden, it looks like they want to talk to me. Like they like me or something. And maybe they're just like Sierra and my sister. Maybe they have hope for us.

But I can't be thinking about that. I really can't. Troy and I are over.


	11. Chapter 11

"I know this is all we've been talking about lately, but um," I tell my sister, Sierra and Tony at dinner later on that day, "I ran into Troy's mom and sister at the grocery store earlier today."

Leana wiped her mouth and her hands and pushed her plate away. She was done with her tacos and she looked like she had an opinion about this. Or at least something to say, for sure. "Please tell me you talk to them and didn't leave right away."

Wow, does she think I'm some bitch? Okay, no, it's a fair thing to say. Because I have done it before. "I actually did. I had a full on conversation with them."

Sierra looked impressed, Tony didn't have much of an expression but I knew he probably had an opinion and Leana looked... happy.

"Was it like old times?"

Not exactly. "No," I tell her, shoving some rice in my mouth, "I mean, it wasn't as awkward as I thought, but you could definitely feel a sense of like, I don't know how to word it, like, yeah, I was the ex girlfriend."

Sierra laughed and also finished up her taco. "Well, you are, so that's not that weird."

"It is because she was literally like another mom to me. There have been dozens of times where I laid on her couch in pain and she'd make me tea, soup, you name it. I was so close with her... and his sister."

Leana looked happy about it. Like it was a step in the right direction. And I guess it is. Letting go of everything. "I'm just happy you didn't see them and turn around and hide."

Okay, that was ONE time. And I was with Lucas so I REALLY, REALLY did not want to talk to her. It would have been the most awkward thing, ever.

"Leana, that was one time and it was just Patricia then and Lucas was with me, so no," I explain to her, "it was different this time. Like, they've finally come to terms with it and so have I and I don't know, it wasn't all that bad."

She smiled and then took a quick sip of her lemonade, "I haven't talked to her in a while, how is she?"

"Good," I shrugged, "they're going to California tomorrow."

Tony laughed out loud and when no one else did, he quieted down. But actually, I laughed, too. It was funny. I was rethinking going with Kendall, but I just ended up saying no and then I find out that Troy's going? I mean, it's funny. What are the chances? At the same time?

Leana and Sierra both looked at us weirdly.

"What?"

Tony turned to Leana with a mouth full of rice, "She was supposed to go with Kendall."

Wow, my brother-in-law listens and remembers things better than my own sister and best friend. What bitches.

"Oh, that's right," Leana remembered, finally. "Wow, what are the chances of that? I doubt you guys would have seen each there, but still. I know that place is, umm..."

No, I gave her a look to stop right there. Yep. It's an important place to us. People don't understand. First I love you there, lost my virginity there, had the most surprising pregnancy scare, celebrated two anniversaries there... there were just SO many things. It sucks. Because it's so beautiful there.

Everyone got quiet for a minute.

And I knew this was the right time to tell them. I took a deep breath because it was actually huge. "I think I'm going to talk to Troy."

As predicted, everyone's eyes widened. Leana's the most because I've been so hard on her, so sure that I didn't want to talk to him at all. That I just wanted to shut him out and live my life and let him live his.

"You are?"

I nodded at Sierra as I pushed my plate away, "Um, yeah, I think so."

Leana finally showed some emotion. There was a smile on her face and I'm sure she was thrilled with this. "I'm proud of you."

Hell yeah. I'm pretty proud of myself, too. "I just want answers. I thought I didn't care, but him being back here, so many feelings have come rushing back. Feelings of hate, feelings of not hate..." I know they catch my drift, "and really, I just want a better answer as to why he broke up with me. Because his bullshit answer of it being too hard with the distance is not okay with must have happened. And if I want to move on with my life completely,  
>I need to know. And after talking to his mom and sister, I realized I'm not okay with this.<p>

"Well, good," Sierra smiled at me, "I always felt like there was so much more to the story, so hopefully you guys get everything out there."

Me, too. Me, too.

* * *

><p>Our friend David was having people over for a BBQ so thought it would be the perfect time to talk to Troy.<p>

Obviously, this isn't what I really want to do, but I need closure. I know I do.

Ever since that day in the park, he's kept his distance. He'd say hi and stuff, but that was about it. No, lie. I did have on conversation with him at Kimberly's birthday brunch later on. It was short and it consisted of him asking if I wanted a slice of cake and we kind of laughed about it because I've never passed up any kind of cake ever. It's my weakness. Cake is my all time favorite type of dessert. And so that was a nice moment.

And now we're here, at David's, he's across the yard from me, drinking a beer as he's flipping some hamburger patties on the grill.

I'm sitting here trying to find the perfect time to just talk to him.

I don't even know what I'm going to say to him. I don't know if I should straight up just ask him why he left, why he broke up with me, or just ease into it, start a civil conversation with him and then eventually talk about everything and somehow find closure, you know?

Whatever. I needed to use the bathroom so I got up, went inside and headed to the bathroom upstairs since the one downstairs was being remodeled.

When I came out, I saw none other than Troy Bolton waiting to use it, looking at a picture.

This is David's parents house. It's the perfect party house and they're always letting all of us over to use the pool and to grill and his mom has pictures all over the house. Family pictures. Pictures of David and his siblings. And pictures of all their friends.

And that's exactly what Troy was looking at. Pictures of us.

He looked over at me, I think surprised that I was the one in the bathroom, "oh, hey."

"Hi," I say with a small smile.

"Have you seen this?" He asked me, grabbing the picture frame and holding it up. "I forgot all about this day."

I couldn't really see what the picture was so I went towards him and grabbed the picture frame from him. It was all of us. Troy, David, Kendall, Chris, Will, Tessa, Caroline, Max, Kimberly, me, and so on. All of our friends. And we were all covered in mud. From head to toe, covered in mud.

It was a mud run Kendall's mom signed us up for because it was for charity and it helped kids with cancer. And so we were all for it. It was so fun.

"Well, I didn't forget," Troy laughed as I kept looking at the picture, "I just forgot about this picture and how over it we were because we were all so hungry and it was the last thing we wanted to do for ten minutes."

"Yeah," I tell him, still looking at the picture. And then a small laugh escaped from my mouth, "yeah, that was a good day."

It really was a good day. And we all looked SO happy in this picture.

I was on Troy's back, Kendall was on Chris's, and everyone else was around us, faking smiles since we were all so hungry. And even though they were fake smiles, that was one of the best days we all had together. And we all laughed so much.

Troy took the picture back from me and put it back where it was exactly and then turned to me. "Fun day."

"It was really fun," I put some hair behind my ear, "probably one of the best days of my life."

"Yeah..." is all he really said.

I'm not sure why that "yeah" felt awkward to me. Oh... fuck. I now remember why it was one of the best days of my life. We had agreed on this that day and that's probably why he responded like that. And I didn't even realize it. Shit. But it was one of the best days of my life. From start to finish.

_The mud run was by far one of the best experiences, ever. _

_And the fact that I was able to do it with my best friends AND my boyfriend? Score. _

_Troy dropped me off after we had lunch at Kendall's around 3 and I showered and got ready because he was going to come back and we were going to go to his aunt's house for dinner or something like that. I don't know. I wasn't paying too much attention. I just know we were going somewhere together. _

_He picked me up at 5:30 and we were hungry again so I was happy that we were going to go eat. _

_But when I got in the car, he told me there was a change of plans. _

_"What? We're not going to your aunts?" _

_"Nah," he shook his head before reaching over to the glove department and opening it to take out an envelope. "Here." _

_What? Why's he handing me an envelope? I looked at him a little strangely, but took it anyway and carefully opened it because I'm so terrified of paper cuts. I carefully ripped it apart and looked inside. And I couldn't not believe my eyes. _

_No. He didn't. No way. How? These were SOLD OUT. _

_"What?" I turn to him right away, "babe. These were sold out. How... where... when? Are you serious?" _

_"Yes," he laughed, "my dad has connections. And you've always wanted to see her, so..." _

_My perfect boyfriend got me Carrie Underwood tickets. CARRIE FUCKING UNDERWOOD. My favorite singer in the whole world. _

_Three months ago when they went on sale, I overslept and didn't end up getting tickets. And the one's on stubhub only went for one person or something like that and I was definitely not going to go by myself so I gave up. I gave up looking for tickets and came to the realization that I wasn't going to see her. _

_But cut to three months later, RIGHT NOW, I have them in my fucking hand. And the concert is TONIGHT. AT 8 PM. _

_"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I tell him before leaning over and kissing him. _

_And then I got out of the car and went to change because I was so not dressed for a concert. AHHH. _

_Two hours later, we were waiting for her to come out and these seats were close to perfect for me. I never wanted to be in the pit because I didn't want to squished with people. But I also didn't want to be all the way in the back. _

_Well, we were in a fucking BOX. Right behind second section and I loved it. They were the perfect seats and we had our own space. _

_And even though Troy doesn't listen to Carrie Underwood like I do, he sat back and watched and enjoyed it with me. _

_It was the most perfect concert with the most perfect person. _

_"Thank you so much," I tell him later as we walk into my house, "seriously. That was the best surprise I could have ever asked for. I had so much fun." _

_"You're welcome," he closes the door behind him and grabs my hand and we walk to my living room. My parents are out of town actually so we have the house to ourselves, "I had fun, too." _

_We sat on the couch, I rested my head on his shoulder and kicked my feet up on the coffee table. _

_It's been such a great night. No. Such a great day. Seriously. From the mud run, to hanging out and laughing with all our friends covered in mud to seeing my absolute FAVORITE singer ever to now... it was all so perfect. The best day. _

_"Can you stay with me tonight?" I look up at him, "you know I don't like staying by myself... but you don't have to if you don't..." _

_"I'll stay," he says, also kicking his feet up, "you know I will." _

_I closed my eyes for a second and couldn't believe this was my life. I had such an amazing group of friends. I had the best boyfriend. and I had the best set of parents who trusted me enough to have the house to myself and to have my boyfriend stay over if he wanted to. _

_My life was perfection, pretty much, and I thanked God every single day for it. I really did. _

_"Oh my aunt called me today," Troy mentions, "if we do decide to go to San Francisco this fall, she said we are more than welcome to rent out her place. She'll have it open until August. So we have some time to think about it." _

_"That's so great," I look up at him, "it's all happening, huh? We are actually going to move out of Scottsdale." _

_"Yes," he says, "just have to wait for those acceptance letters in March. But I hope so. I can't wait to go to San Francisco with you." _

_And I couldn't wait to go with him. We're in January. We're basically four years in and we were going to move to San Francisco together in September if we get accepted to school out there. We love San Francisco and we love California. What better place than to finish our education than there? _

_But I was so in love with this guy that I would seriously go anywhere he wants to go. _

_"This has been the best day," I tell him. _

_"One of the bests," he corrects me, "unless you didn't think anything of our first time or the first time I told you I loved you." _

_I laughed and playfully hit him, "shut up. Of course. Fine, one of the bests."_

_He laughed too and then turned to me and kissed my forehead. "All the days I spent with you are the best." _

_"Cheesy," I tell him as I laugh. We're never cheesy with each other and we do it on purpose, but I know he means it. Isn't it so crazy to have so much trust in someone that you believe every single little thing they say? Ahhh, I'm such a lucky girl. "But ditto babe. You're just the best in general." _

_"Oh stop it," he laughed as he slouched down on the couch a bit more, "you're making me blush." _

_I laughed and just snuggled up against him and closed my eyes. _

_It was the best day. I couldn't ask for more. _

"Sorry," I snap out of it and realize I shouldn't be here. "I can't do this."

"Do what?" Troy asks me with a small laugh, "talk?"

"Yes," I tell him even though it's not true. I shouldn't be standing here, reminiscing about all the good times we had together. About us. About how much I love him. Loved, I mean. I just... I can't. It's too hard. And I thought I could do it but I really can't. "Yes... I have to go."

I heard him call my name, but I didn't look back. I kept running down the stairs and to the back.

And when I saw everyone, I made up some bullshit excuse as to why I had to go and got the hell out of there.

It was harder than I thought it'd be.

Fuck Troy Bolton for making me fall so in love with him.


	12. Chapter 12

I didn't want to get out of bed. I just wanted to lay in here and cry. And then cry some more.

It's been 4 years since my great-grandma passed away. And every year gets a bit easier, but it's still the saddest day for me. Knowing that she's no longer here and she hasn't seen some of my dreams come true. It really, really sucks.

Typically, you're not that close to your great-grandma, but she had my grandma young and then my grandma had my dad young so she's been around my whole life. I called her grandma just like I called my other grandma. And I had three wonderful grandmas. And I'd say I was the closest to her so her passing affected me the most, for sure. And this day, four years ago, I said bye to her and I cried and cried and cried.

August 10th.

My eyes were welling up, but my phone rang so I held them back for a minute. "Hello?"

"Hey babe."

It was Lucas. "Oh, hi, what's up?"

He sounded cheery and it instantly made me annoyed. I know that just because I'm sad, it doesn't mean he has to be sad as well. But I don't know, I'm just being emotional right now. "Nothing much, I'm going to go play golf with the boys and then we're gonna..." he stopped mid-way and let out a big laugh. And then little laughs here and there, "Oh, sorry, babe, I'm with the guys and... I'll just text you, okay?"

Umm. "Okay... yeah, that's fine."

"Wait, what are your plans for today?"

Is he serious right now? Like legit serious? "What?"

"What?" he repeated to me. "Just text me, okay? I have to go."

I think he was waiting for me to say bye and that I loved him so he could say it back as well, but I just hung up. Seriously? He doesn't know what today is? He doesn't know that 4 years ago was one of the worst times of my life? That even though I knew it was going to happen, I cried my eyes out the whole day and that turned into wallowing for a whole week on the couch, completely devastated? Ugh.

Unbelievable. He knows. He visited her grave last year with me. And 3 months ago. There's a BIG SAD FACE on the day on my calendar that he sees when he opens the door to my fridge. So he knows. He should know, at least.

I got out of bed and took a shower and got ready because I was supposed to be at my mom's house in a bit. We were all going to visit her grave and then have lunch at her favorite place in her honor. It was something we did every year and it was therapeutic, but still sad.

My dad was the most sad out of all of us, understandably so, but he didn't show it the way I showed it. I was just a mess all the time.

"Ready?"

I didn't even want to step foot into the house. I just wanted to get in my parents car and drive there.

But my mom made me come in. She led me to the living room where my aunt Carmen was seated. I gave her a hug and sat next to her. Why are we waiting? I don't want to wait and sit around and think about it. I just want to get there, drop off some flowers, cry a bit, tell her how much I miss her and then leave.

"Here," my mom comes back with a small box.

I grabbed them, confused. Why is she giving me a present? "What is this?"

She shrugged, "I have no idea. It was delivered here about an hour ago and the delivery guy didn't really have any answers for me."

Hmm. I got up and moved to the sofa chair so I could sit by myself. I didn't know what this was so I didn't want my mom and aunt hovering over me trying to see it before me. And what if it was something I didn't care to explain? I'd have more time to make up a lie if I don't have them in my ear.

I slowly opened the box which was wrapped up in a bow and a card was attached. I took off the card first and put it to the side.

They were my favorite chocolates. The one thing I loved eating most when I'm sad. What the heck.

I immediately opened the card and it was simple, but very, very sweet. And it was from someone I didn't expect. I would've expected it if we were on good terms, but we're not, so this was very surprising.

_Gabriella,_

_Thinking of you and your family today. _

_I'll always be here for you._

I hate that this is happening. But I don't hate it as much as I love it. Tears are coming down my face. My makeup is getting ruined, but it would have gotten ruined anyway so I don't care. My ex boyfriend is sending me my favorite chocolates and a sweet note while my boyfriend is playing golf. It doesn't make any sense. It shouldn't be this way. But it is and it sucks. It really sucks.

This note is genuine. One hundred percent. If you knew Troy, you'd know he's one of the sweetest guy, ever. Minus a couple of things. Obviously.

He's not writing this note to me to get back together. He doesn't want me to dump my boyfriend and get back with him. He's not trying to make himself look good. Nope. He truly means it.

"Who's it from?"

I really did not want to get into it right now. So I got up, grabbed the box and card and wiped my tears. "Someone special."

Troy is special. And although I should be hating him so much right now for the the break up still, I don't.

Because he took the time to send me this. To think about my great-grandma. And I know he didn't do it to get back into my good graces because even when he was, even when I was so madly in love with him, he'd do things like this all the time. It was in his nature to do this. And so I didn't question it at all.

And I knew it was from Troy because when my grandma was in her last days, she told him to always be here for me- together or not. That she knows he's one of the few people in my life that would do anything for me. And I happened to overhear it. He didn't need to sign it. I knew it was him.

My mind was going crazy now. Why is he still so perfect?

* * *

><p>"I won't talk to you," Troy tells me after he tells me he'll give me a ride home, "seriously. It's just a ride."<p>

Judging by how the last few get togethers have been, I don't doubt this. He's really done a good job at ignoring me. Only talking to me when he needs to get by and only smiling at me when he gets here. It's his silent way of saying hi. And I guess I couldn't really say anything because this is what I wanted. Well, there was that exception at David's, but today, we didn't converse. He barely even smiled. After all, I didn't tell him I couldn't talk to him. Ha.

But it's still so weird. We used to talk EVERY single day for four years. It's weird.

I thought about his ride offer, though. I was in no position to pass it up. I was completely sober but everyone else wasn't and they were thinking of just crashing at Tessa's since they all had a little too much to drink while going over wedding stuff.

Bright and early, I had work, though, so I couldn't stay. It's embarrassing that Troy had to tell me this, but whatever, I accepted. "Okay."

Everyone was seriously too drunk to notice that we left or they noticed, but they didn't say anything. We didn't even bother saying bye, we jut walked out of the house and hopped right into his car.

"Where to?"

Crap. I know I'm going to have to tell him where I live and it's not the worst thing, but I don't know. Whatever. "Um just drive like you're going to David's and I'll tell you where to go from there once we reach it."

He nodded and slowly drove off, turning the radio up just a little bit. Like always. During the day, he'd crank it. But at night, he'd put it so low, you could barely hear. I actually like it.

And we sat in silence for 7 minutes. That's how long it takes to get from David's to Tessa's. 10 minutes for me.

But now I had to speak up because he was going to pass my place. "Um, take a right at the next light," I tell him. I lived in the condo's across the street from David. Well, not across the street, but across the major street. It was like a 3 minute drive.

He knew exactly where to go. Why? Oh because we may have looked at some of these places together. If we didn't move off to California together, we were going to stay here, move out to our own place, finish school, start our jobs and then move into a house.

Okay, well we didn't plan that far in advance. I did. He only planned to move into our own place. And this was the only place we looked.

"Here's fine," I tell him he pulls into the place.

He slowly puts his foot on the brakes and looks over to me, "You sure?"

I nod. Yes. It's not exactly MY place, but I can walk a little. I grab my purse off the floor along with my cardigan and Is stuff it in there so I don't have to carry it around with me. "Thanks."

He smiled at me and as soon as I opened the door and was about to hop out, he spoke up. "I'm glad at least one of us is living here."

Okay, he didn't say anything annoying at all, but it did sort of annoy me. Like, this could have been you, stop making it seem like it wasn't your fault, you know? Ugh I closed my eyes and took a deep breath for a second. This is it. It's going to come out of me. I know it.

"Why'd you break up with me?"

As soon as I turned around and asked him that, he looked taken aback. I'm sure he knew it was going to come sooner or later, but he probably wasn't expecting it right now. And then after a few moments of silence, he turned his car off.

"Does it matter?"

"Why wouldn't it?" What the fuck. Of course it matters.

He shrugged and finally turned around to face me. "You've moved on, you have a great job, a great life. I don't know..."

Well, yeah, but I'd still like to know. And this is the part where I'm going to get angry and emotional. I was standing outside his car with my purse in my hand and he was sitting in the drivers seat and this isn't how I imagined the conversation would play out, but it started and I'm not going to end it just yet.

"You broke my fucking heart and you left me. You left me for New York after everything we planned together. Why the fuck wouldn't it matter, Troy?" Oh boy, here we go, I'm going to let everything out. "Four years together, and then one day, you decide you're done and that you don't love me anymore, that you're going to move across the country to finish school when that wasn't the plan! I cried for two fucking weeks. TWO fucking weeks. Non stop. Imagining when you'd come back, if you'd come back. And you didn't come back for me. You broke my heart. You literally cracked it in two. I was devastated and I had no idea why. No idea why you'd break all our promises and all our plans together..."

I was crying now. I was angry crying. I was sad crying. I was frustrated crying.

He immediately took his seatbelt off and got out of the car and came over to my side and I think he was trying to hug me, but I backed away, "No, tell me. Tell me why you fucking broke up with me and maybe I can make sense of this all. I thought we were on the same page..."

"We were!" he interrupts, "we were. Believe me, I want to tell you why. I just, it's hard. It's so hard. And I hate myself everyday for it."

I pulled away from him, "It's hard?! I'm the one who got left behind. I'm the one that had to explain to everyone that my boyfriend of four years left me."

Does he know how hard that is? Waking up one day and realizing your life will never be the same. That the past four years were just the past four years. No, he doesn't because he's not the one that had to sit in bed for two weeks and figure out why. What went wrong.

"To me, nothing was going wrong. And I honestly, truly thought we were going to move to California and have the best life together and then you swept it right from under me and I don't understand why! I'm trying to understand!"

Tears were flowing and I knew he felt uncomfortable and I know he probably felt sad, too, that he caused me so much pain. I know that, but I just want all of these things answered.

"It's so hard to look you in the eye. That day wasn't easy for me either, you know? And coming back, all these memories, everything. It just sucks. You're not the only one hurting," he tells me, "It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make..."

I looked away from him for a second and wiped the tears from my eyes. It seems like we're getting somewhere. "Doesn't seem like it."

"What?"

What? Seriously? "Everything was fucking perfect unless you're a really good bullshitter. You made this decision in a fucking week and that's the worst part of this all. You took it upon yourself to make a decision for US. And I hate and resent you so much for it. I had to fucking do everything in my power to get school to let me stay. I wasn't going to go to San Francisco by myself! You messed everything up and I hate you."

He looked down at the ground and I knew I got him. I knew I made him feel like shit, which wasn't the best, but it's the truth. Everything was so good.

"Okay, you wanna know why?" he asks me, looking me dead in the eye, "you want to know why I picked up my life and moved to New York?"

Well, duh. I simply nodded my head and looked down at the ground.

He took a deep breath, turned around for a second and ran his hand through his hair. He better tell me everything or I'm going to be pissed off. This was his chance and I just wanted everything out in the open so I could move on completely with my life. And be done with this bullshit.

"I was scared, okay?" he tells me and immediately my mind goes in so many different directions. Scared and Troy Bolton in the same sentence? No way.

Troy Bolton wasn't scared of anything. And he took pride in that.

"I was scared because at 20 fucking years old, I was madly in love with you and planning my life," he continues, "and I thought it was just something you do when you're so in love and it's not that I didn't want it, I did, but then I, I overheard you talking about weddings and stuff, saying you had your dress picked out already and I panicked. I got scared. I was 20 years old, I was about to move out of state with my girlfriend and that was the next step right? Marriage and babies and all that? I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't make you that promise. I didn't want you thinking that moving to San Francisco meant that we were going to get married. And I fucking panicked. I wasn't... I know I told you I could love you forever, but it just became way too real for a 20 year old and it scared me, Gabs. It fucked scared me."

Oh my gosh. He overheard THAT conversation? How fucking mortifying! I remember telling Kendall that I hoped he NEVER hears this because I sound so ridiculous and sure enough he heard it. Why didn't I put two and two together? A week later, he dumped my fucking ass.

Still not saying it's right, but I can't believe he heard it.

He paused for a minute and collected more of his thoughts. And then took a deep breath again. "I didn't talk to anyone about it. NYU e-mailed me and told me I'd have to make a decision soon about what to do since I didn't decline their acceptance and I just wasn't in the right mind frame, I know that now... but I went for it. I went for it and a month later, I'm in New York, single and depressed. I really didn't want to break up with you..."

Bullshit. If he didn't want to, he wouldn't have. "Don't give me that."

"I'm serious!" he pleads, "I felt like it was the only option. I was scared, Gabriella. Scared that we'd move to San Francisco and everything would change."

I was scared of change, too. But it was a good scared. Our relationship was moving forward and I thought we had an understanding of what it could eventually lead to, but I guess we didn't. I don't know.

"I didn't need to be married, Troy," I tell him, my eyes welling up again, "I was talking out of my ass and I knew that. And you should have known that! I had goals and dreams and you had goals and dreams and honestly, I just wanted to be right there beside you. I'm almost 24 and I still think I'm too young to have a baby. I'm in no fucking rush."

He shook his head and looked down a bit. I was still SO mad at him, but we were getting somewhere. "It's all so stupid. I was stupid. And I was dumb for not talking to you about it and just leaving. I know that now. I know this is the stupidest excuse, ever. Trust me. I know and it's embarrassing."

Everything felt a little calmer. Like, I finally understood a little bit. The way he did it was horrible. We should have talked about it. BUT I kind of get it.

On the other hand, he didn't come back. It's been three fucking years. There HAS to be another reason. "Why else?"

"What?" he looked confused, "why else what?"

I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes and crossed my arms, "Why else did you leave me? Why didn't you come back for me? Was there someone else? Were you over the whole thing? If you were single and depressed, why didn't you call me so we could sort this whole thing out and I could have told you that it's not true and I was just dreaming. It was me being a fucking girl."

He looked at me intently for a few seconds and then looked away. What? WAS there someone else? Ugh. "Yes," he softly replies, "Lucas."

Lucas? Whaaaat? "What, what are you talking about?"

"Lucas. That was the someone else," he tells me and I'm confused as hell. But he continued, "I came back. A little later than I should have, but I came back and you had moved on... with Lucas. What was I supposed to do?"

Is he serious right now? What is he talking about? "I don't get it. You didn't come back."

He laughed a bit and ran his hand through his hair, "Hopped on a plane spontaneously, came back, heard you were in Prescott but you were coming back that day so I waited. I waited with my sister and we went to get frozen yogurt and there you were... laughing with Lucas. And he kissed you. And then I walked out and went back to New York and stayed there for the next three years."

No. He didn't see us. There's no way. He's making this whole fucking thing up so he doesn't look like a complete jackass. "No..."

"Yes," he argues me, "I came back."

"No, you didn't," I tell him, "you didn't come back for me. You didn't."

I was on the verge of tears again. He came back for me? He came back and I was kissing Lucas? No. There's no fucking way. He left me. He left me and left me devastated. He didn't come back. No. No. No.

But Prescott. He was right about that. How did he know about that? How?

"Will told me everyone went to Prescott for the weekend and so yeah, went to get some frozen yogurt and there you were... wearing jeans, rainbows and a plain black shirt that you covered up with a green cardigan. And your hair was up. It was up in one of those cute buns. And you looked happy. So I left."

Oh my gosh. He did see me. I didn't end up going to Prescott because I had so much homework. I stayed and I hung out with Lucas for the third time and yes, we did kiss and we did get frozen yogurt, but if he would have called my name, and told me how sorry he was and explained everything to me and told me that he loved me, I would have left Lucas right then and there and would have ran into his arms and kissed him. I was still SO in love with him. Deeply in love. I wasn't over him. I would have forgiven him. And hearing that now, I'm so mad at him. I'm so fucking mad that he left me AGAIN.

"I hate you," I whisper to him with these tears flowing from my eyes, "you came back for me and you left me and now I'm with Lucas. I'm... happy."

He looked taken aback. Maybe he thought that finally I was going to forgive him and I do forgive him, but it's still so hard. And I can't stand here and be in front of him right now. He left me. He left me and pushed me in the arms of Lucas. And Lucas... I love him. And yeah, I guess I am happy.

"Gabriella, I..."

No. "I was still so in love with you and you left me yet again. And I, I fucking hate you."

That was it. I left him there and I turned around and walked away. It was my turn to leave him. I raced to my place, threw my purse on the floor and laid on the couch and cried. I cried my eyes out for the first time in three years. Harder than I've ever cried before and it was all because of a stupid boy.

A stupid, stupid boy that could have still been mine.

And a boy I still love.


	13. Chapter 13

"He actually heard the whole conversation?" Kendall asked as she wrapped herself in a blanket on the couch.

I just nodded as I laid down on the couch, still not believing what happened last night.

Sure, I may have planned out a wedding in my head and I may have dreamed about marrying him one day, and maybe I did mean what I told Kendall, BUT of course I didn't want it to happen for years. I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. I could have married him based on love, for sure, but realistically, financially and all that shit, God no. No way. I was definitely not ready for marriage and babies and all that. And I seriously thought he would have known that.

But he didn't. He broke up with me because of a conversation I had with my best friend instead of just asking me about it.

Sierra came over with her own blanket and took a seat on the sofa chair diagonal from me, "so how do you feel about everything now? Do you forgive him or are you still really mad at him for everything?"

"I forgive him," I tell her as I brought my own blanket over me, "of course I forgive him. It's my nature. But it hurts. And I am still mad. I'm mad that he came back for me and then just left again. Like, okay, I got that I was with Lucas, but if he loved me and if those four years meant something, he should have fought for me. He should have at least told me how he felt and explained things."

"Yeah, he really should have," Kendall agreed, "I can't believe he just let you go off with Lucas if he was still in love with you and stuff."

"I hate him," I say before grabbing my phone on the table.

It was lighting up and I had a text from Lucas who was out with the guys tonight.

_Miss you, babe. I'll see you tomorrow.  
><em>

I quickly texted back that I missed him too and to have fun tonight and then put my phone back on the table.

The tension was still there because obviously, I can't get over him not being able to see a future with me but at the same time, not NOT seeing a future with me, ya know? It's weird. I know he loves me and I know that he wants to be with me. But all I want is for him to WANT to be with me two months from now, even a week. That's all I want. I want to feel like he's scared to lose me or something. I want to feel like I'm not wasting my time here. I want to know that he loves me enough to want to move in with me, to want to take that step and merge our lives together to see if we are compatible in that sense.

And I'm just not getting it so I'm over it. I love him so I'm trying to just let everything go, but it's hard. It's hard when I'm someone who needs answers.

"At least now you know why," Sierra tells me, "you wanted to know and now you do."

"I wish I didn't," I roll my eyes, "literally, it's so stupid. And it's something that could have easily been taken care of. It would have been better if he had just told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a fresh start."

"Don't say that," Sierra tells me. I know it's not true, I'm just mad. "If you really think about it, it's not that stupid."

I looked over at Kendall and she didn't really have an expression on her face. It's not that stupid? "S, he seriously thought I wanted him to propose."

She shrugged, "well, you guys did really love each other and he know how much you loved him. I mean, it's not that far fetched of an idea since you guys were moving to San Francisco together AND you did tell Kendall all that stuff, you know?"

"What?" I couldn't believe it sounded like she was taking his side, "are you serious right now?"

"I'm not saying what he did was right, but I sort of think it was a legitimate excuse. You and I both know you would have said yes if he had asked you to marry him. He wasn't wrong in thinking that you were serious. That also means he loved you just as much as you loved him."

I guess she's right. It kind of does mean that. And no, he wasn't. But he should have just asked me. And maybe we could have still been together.

Wait. Do I want to be together? No, right? I have Lucas. And I love him. I love Lucas.

But thinking about possibly still being with Troy makes me a little happy inside. It would have been 7 years this past June. Imagine we stayed together all these years? Who knows. Who knows if we would have actually made it. Maybe we still would have broken up. Who knows. Whatever.

"Gabs, do you want to be with Troy?" Kendall asks me, straight up.

"I'm not getting back together with him," I say, "no way. I'm with Lucas. I shouldn't want to be with anyone."

"That's not what I asked you."

Shit. She's right. Fuck. "Um... yeah, no, I don't."

Kendall and Sierra exchanged a look and I hated all of this. I hated that Troy came back to town. I hated how I'm second guessing things with Lucas when four months ago, everything was fine. Things were perfect. And now everything is a mess. I'm constantly thinking about Troy. I'm constantly thinking about how maybe Lucas isn't supposed to be in my future if he can't see me in it. And I don't know. I'm just so emotionally drained.

"I know you don't want to be with him because he hurt you pretty badly and I know you want to be with Lucas because you so badly want something you worked hard at to finally be worth it, but you have to listen to your heart, not your mind."

Maybe Kendall's right. Maybe I'm holding on to Lucas because I want these past two years to mean something. Not like what happened with Troy.

But I seriously don't know. I thought I was really happy with Lucas and then Troy came back and ruined everything. I'm constantly thinking about him and how he made me feel and all these memories we made together.

And it all just sucks. I really don't know how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling and what I should do about it.

So I just close my eyes and pray to God that things with Lucas work out. I shouldn't go back to Troy. Not after he left me.

Lucas. Lucas is my boyfriend. The guy I love.

* * *

><p>"I'll be back in a couple days," Lucas tells me as he throws a slice of apple in his mouth.<p>

I'm currently sitting in his apartment, finding out that he's going to Texas for a few days to visit some family.

And that's more than okay. He can visit family all he wants. But he just never includes me in these plans. Okay, wait never mind, he does ask if I wanna grab dinner with his parents often, but God, his parents... that sounds awful. But they're just not my cup of tea. And I so badly wish they were.

"Babe?" he calls out to me.

"Oh, sorry," I get out of my thoughts, "okay, yeah, sounds good. Have fun."

"You okay?" He throws another slice of apple into his mouth and leans back on the couch and turns to me a bit, "you seem... off."

I've been off these past two months. Troy coming back. Lucas making me second guess our future together. Everything's just been off. But I'm not going to tell him that, obviously. Because things have been okay lately. I've dropped everything and I know he does love me so I'm just leaving it at that.

I give him a small smile and nod my head, "yeah, yeah, I'm good. I'm just... well, why don't you ever invite me to Texas?"

Texas and California. He goes to those two places pretty regularly. More so Texas because he also has friends there. But he's always visiting family and he did live in Texas for a few years so I get why he goes back.

"Seriously? I asked you to come to California, like, twice and each time you've said no even though I knew you weren't busy. So, I stopped."

"I know, but..." I wasn't going to tell him I can't go to California because I'm crazy and can't get over the memories Troy and I made there. "It's just... I feel like we're not a real couple. I want to know your family well enough to where I feel comfortable just being there by myself, you know? Without you there."

"Without me there?" he chuckles a bit, "you know my family. What are you talking about?"

Ugh. I do know his family. His mom and his dad. And his cousins here. And some aunts. But it's not comfortable. I've never felt a connection with them.

And I think it's because he's never taken the time to make me feel comfortable. He's never taken the time to make me feel like I'm part of the family. I don't know. Maybe I'm talking out of my ass. But it's just how I feel. I still sometimes feel like a stranger when I go to a family function with him.

"Never mind, Lucas," I tell him, turning my attention to the TV.

"What's your problem?" he asks me, pausing the TV, "I feel like lately, you've been looking for reasons to be mad at me."

Have I? I mean, I have been getting mad at him recently. Not remembering the death of my great grandma and being there for me. Him not knowing if he sees me in his future. Not inviting me on any of these trips. No. These are all legitimate reasons to be upset with your boyfriend over, right? I think so. But maybe he's right. Maybe I am picking fights now. Not fights, but getting upset over silly things. Like earlier when he opened the door and raced back to the TV so he could see something that was on there. No kiss hello or anything.

But you know why? And it paints me to say this. But Troy Bolton set the bar really high for boyfriends and that's all I know. Sure, he broke up with me in the shittiest way and for the dumbest reason, but he was the most perfect boyfriend, ever. As perfect as boyfriends could get, really.

And I shouldn't compare them. I really shouldn't. But lately, it's all I've been doing and I can't help it.

"I'm not, I just feel like at this point in our relationship, I should be comfortable with your family and I'm just... not."

"Comfortable?" he asks, "you don't feel comfortable around my parents?"

I'm not going to tell him no because I know how close he is to his parents and I don't want to make him upset. That's not what I'm trying to do here. But the answer is yes. I don't. I don't feel like she likes me too much. I feel like I can't be my complete self around her. And it sucks. It sucks I can't just call her up and be like, hey, let's all go to lunch, yeah?

But maybe that's how most people are in this world. And Patricia Bolton was the exception...

_"Troy's not here yet," Patricia tells me as she's opening the door for me, "they got a flat tire and so they got caught up for a little while." _

_"Oh, no, he didn't. I was in a movie and so he told me to just come here afterward because he should be home," I tell her as I walk into their house. _

_She closes the door behind me and gives me a smile and waves her hand as if it's no big deal, "it's just me and you. Julia should be home soon. Jack is golfing as usual. He just sent me a picture and I wish I golfed. Some of those golf courses are so beautiful."  
><em>

_I laughed because that's a silly reason to want to golf, but it's cute. Patricia's the sweetest woman. "Troy's been trying to teach me, but I'm not very good." _

_"Me neither," she laughed as we walked back to the kitchen. _

_"What are you making?" I ask her as I put my purse down on one of the stools around the island, "because it smells really good in here." _

_"Enchiladas," she smiles at me, "and you're staying for dinner. I've made more than enough." _

_Um YES. Patricia Bolton's cooking is SO good. Like, I love my mom's, but I don't know. I feel like she could throw ANYTHING together and it'll be good. And her enchiladas are my favorite. I devour them. So I'm so happy about today. _

_I open the fridge and take out a water and go back and sit on one of the stools and take out my phone and see a message from Troy telling me he should be home in about twenty minutes or so. And I just tell him that's fine and push my phone off to the side and take a drink of my water. _

_"Did your mom tell you about lunch today?" she turns to me as she's crumbling up some cheese in a bowl. _

_"Oh no, I haven't been home," I tell her, "why, what about it?" _

_She shrugs, "oh nothing major. We just had the best lunch at this restaurant called Tesoro or something like that. Italian. And Gabriella... SO good. I had the chicken piccata, and your mom had the chicken marsala and it was the best thing we've ever had. We're taking you guys." _

_I laughed because the way she worded it, I thought something bad happened at lunch. But no. They just had really good food from an Italian place. _

_My mom and Patricia were too much. They weren't best friends. I mean, it's only been a year and a couple of months, but they were good friends. They had a weekly lunch and they did pilates together Monday and Friday morning. And we absolutely loved it. They were friends, our dad were friends and we could all get together and go to dinner or just hang out at home and BBQ and it was the best thing, ever. _

_"I'm sure Troy will love it, he loves Italian good," I tell her as I take another sip of my water, "where is it?" _

_"Oh, it's by that strip mall, you know where that Safeway is? It's tucked away, but it's so good. We can't get over it. Small and quaint and SO GOOD." _

_Well, now I really want to try it. "We'll go soon." _

_She smiled at me as she took the bowl of crumbled up cheese and put it off to the slide. She then took out a head of lettuce and went to wash it and I knew she was making her salad that she always makes. SO good. Gah. I love coming here for dinner. Like I said, everything she makes it so good. _

_"Are you and Troy going to that end of summer party?" she asks me, "I forgot who's throwing it, but supposedly the whole schools goes. Well, seniors." _

_"Oh, yeah, I think we are, I haven't talked to him too much about it, but I just think it's implied. All our friends are good." _

_Patricia looked over at me and gave me a small smile, "I can't believe you guys are going to be seniors. Aren't you just so excited? I remember being one. It was the best year of my life. Parties, prom, formal, all the senior activities..." _

_It is going to be fun. And I'm so glad I have the most perfect boyfriend to start the year off with. "I'm so excited. It's bittersweet, though." _

_"Definitely, but you'll have fun. I know you guys will." _

_Yep. We definitely will. _

_Patricia continued making her salad while I sat here and we talked about what I did today. How I'm going to spend my last week of summer. Just stuff you talk about with friends or family or whatever. And that's why I loved her so much. She was just so easy to talk to. And so inviting. And she seriously made me feel like I belonged in her family. Like, I'm always welcomed. And I loved that so much. _

_I loved even more that I could be here without my boyfriend and think nothing of it. I'm not constantly checking my phone, seeing if he's coming. I'm not trying to think of things to talk to her about. I don't feel nervous. I just feel... comfortable. I'm so comfortable here and I love that. _

_And 15 minutes later, Troy comes walking into the kitchen looking frustrated as hell. "Longest car ride of my life." _

_Patricia and I laughed and she right away went to hug him. He went on a small road trip with some of his friends and they've been gone for three days and he was supposed to be home an hour ago, but I guess things happen. _

_When he let go of his mom, he immediately came over to me, grabbed my face and kissed me so passionately that it kind of took me by surprise. _

_But of course I kissed back. I missed him so much. And I was so happy he was home, finally._

_"Troy," his mother called out to him, "I'm standing right here." _

_We broke apart and laughed and he turned to her and apologized and then looked at me, "give me a break, mom. I haven't seen her in three days," he then directed his words at me, "I've missed you." _

_Swoon. I could feel it. And I was so happy he was back. Three days when you're so in love with someone FEEL like forever. "I've missed you, too." _

_Patricia stood there smiling at us and then shook her head ever so lightly, "you guys make me sick." _

_Troy kissed me once more and then grabbed my hand and we got out of there. _

"Gabriella!?"

"What? Sorry," I apologized to Lucas, "sorry. No, yeah, sorry."

"What?" he asks me, looking at me weirdly, "sorry for what? For pretty much saying my parents don't make you feel comfortable?"

I shrugged, "sure. I don't know. I'm just out of it right now. I didn't get much sleep last night. So yeah, sorry I said that. Your parents are great." Not really. Maybe they are to him. But I don't know much about them. "Forget I said anything. I'm really not looking to fight."

He looked like he was over it too. He leaned back on the couch and put his arm around me, "yeah, let's not talk about this. I hate fighting with you."

I leaned back on the couch as well as snuggled up to him as I put my feet up on the coffee table.

And I tried so hard to watch the show we were watching. I really did. But my mind couldn't help but wander to what I was just thinking about. The Bolton's. The Bolton family. And how badly I miss them. And being apart of their perfect family.

I have to stop, though. It's not my life anymore. This is my life. With Lucas.


	14. Chapter 14

I really did not want to see Troy today, but there was no possible way I was going to miss one of my best friend's engagement parties.

Also, I find it so weird that so many life events are happening that require parties that we must attend all of a sudden. It's like my friends are all against me and want me to be in the same room as Troy or something.

Ugh. I'm still so hurt.

And so mad about finding out why he really left. I cannot believe it.

After four years, going through so many things together, changes, all our ups, some downs, he couldn't even sit me down and ask me about that stupid conversation I had with Kendall about all the plans I was making for us? Seriously. So insulting. So hurtful. And ugh. I honestly thought we could talk those things out, but I guess we couldn't. He left me. And what's worse is he came back for me, but didn't fight for me. He left me. Again. He left me twice. Ugh.

"What's up?" Caroline comes up to me, "Kendall told me you weren't feeling that well."

"What?" her question finally registered in my mind once I stopped looking blankly ahead, "yeah, um, I think I'm just coming down with a cold or something. I'm not really sure."

Caroline nodded, "Well, I hope you feel better because this is such a special day and I don't want you down. Do you want some advil or something?"

That's not why I'm down and I feel so bad lying. Sure, Caroline was Troy's friend first, but she quickly became mine and we've been best friends for basically 7 years now and the fact that I can't tell her about why I'm down is killing me. But I do not want to ruin her special day and make this about me and Troy.

"No, I just took some," I lied again, "but thanks."

She left to go greet her guests and then Kendall came and joined me at the table with a mojito in her hand, "I feel so bad that I'm not going to be able to enjoy this like I want to enjoy this. Caroline's getting married! Married!"

Kendall nodded and sighed, "I know, but just try to push all the bullshit aside and try your hardest. I know he's going to walk through those doors soon and it's going to be so hard but it's going to be like this from now on if you stay with Lucas. Either way, it's going to be hard."

"I know. And I hate it so much. What did I do to deserve this?" I whine like a little bitch.

"Shut up. People have it so much worse," she rolls her eyes, bringing me back down a bit, "you have Lucas. Don't you love him?"

"Yes," I whisper, "but I mean... Troy."

Kendall looked over my shoulder and didn't say much else. Her eyes widened a bit and I knew that he was here. And when I slowly and discreetly turned around, yep, I saw him entering with Will and his girlfriend and Caroline was now hugging him and they were laughing at something. And I already felt my stomach turning. It was the first time since seeing him that night and I don't know how I'm going to get through this, honestly.

But I had to get my shit together and act like a big girl. I'm not the first girl who got their heart broken and I'm not going to be the last.

They all passed us and said hi to us, and I barely looked up but I said hi and it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

But still. It was awkward.

"Um, Gabs!" I heard Kim's voice from behind me and immediately turned around, "I almost wore that exact same dress! Oh my gosh, how funny. But man, thank God I didn't, it looks so much better on you than it does on me."

"Doubt it," I laughed and got up and gave her a hug before she took a seat next to me.

And then more of our friends gathered and filled up our table in this cute little room/reception hall they rented out at one of the nicest golf courses in town and before I knew it, I was throwing my head back in laughter and genuinely enjoying myself. Like really enjoying myself. And to the point where I couldn't even believe that I thought I wasn't going to have fun with my friends. I'm 23 years old, I can push stupid shit out of my head for a few hours to have fun.

So that's exactly what I did for the next few hours.

Until Lucas called me.

"Yeah, yeah, I can talk," I told him, exiting the room and walking towards a bench, "what's up?"

"No, I, just," he starts off and I could tell he was having trouble searching for the right words, "I know we say everything's fine. But I still feel like everything is weird between us. And I just want you to know that I'm in this. For real."

"Are you really, Lucas?" I take a seat, overlooking the golf course. It was such a beautiful night out. "Because it doesn't really seem like you are."

He switches his phone from one ear to the other and once again, struggles to find the words. "I am, Gabriella. I might not know what's going to happen five months from now or even tomorrow, but I know in this moment, I love you and I want to be with you and I just want things to work out. These past two years have been amazing and of course I want them to continue, why wouldn't I?"

This is exactly what I wanted to hear. It's not much, but it's still something from him and that's more than enough for now.

"Lucas, this is exactly what I've been looking for," I tell him, "I don't need you to propose, I just need us to either take a step forward or come to agree that we're in this for real. We're committed to each other you know?"

"I'm fully committed to you," he tells me right away, "you're the only girl for me, Gabriella Montez. The only one."

And it makes me smile and makes my eyes tear up.

Seriously. It sucks how all of a sudden, coincidentally, he's a shitty boyfriend when my ex boyfriend who for the most part was an amazing one shows up. But he was a shitty boyfriend. He'd forget things, he wouldn't be that attentive like he was, he'd let days go by without seeing me. And it was just different.

But I think things are getting better. I mean, I hope they are.

And he decided to stay in Texas for another week so I won't really know until then, but I'm hopeful.

"I love you."

"And I love you, babe."

We talked for a little bit longer and then I hung up the phone and sat there for a couple of minutes just looking out at the stars. It was such a clear day. And a beautiful night here in Arizona. Seriously. Everyone says California is the place to be and that might be it, but Arizona is home. Scottsdale is home. And it's seriously soooo beautiful. I want to get married here and raise my family and hang out with my husband for ever and ever here.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself...

I take it in for a few more minutes and then get up, fix my dress and turn around to head back inside.

And the second I look up, I see Troy Bolton standing at least 10 feet away from me, hands in his pocket, looking right at me.

"I'm not in the mood, Troy," I tell him as I walk past him.

"Gabriella, please," he grabs my shoulder as I'm walking away from him, "please. Can we just talk? I just want to explain some more things and I'm really not looking for anything dramatic. It just kills me that you can't even smile at me. It seriously kills me inside and that's the last thing I want... for you."

Dammit. He's going to make me cry. Keep it together, Gabriella. Keep it the fuck together.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes for a second and then turn around and look in his stupid beautiful blue eyes. "Okay, what? What do you want to tell me?"

The smallest of smiles appears on his beautiful face and then he looks at the ground for a second, looking a bit nervous. But then he clears his throat and gets right to it. "I honestly just want to say sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. I know it was a shitty thing to do and I regret every day the way I broke up with you and not being honest about it from the start."

"Okay," I say so easily. "I accept your apology." Doesn't mean I'm over it, though.

"And I'm sorry for coming back and thinking maybe we can be friends, but that was a stupid thought," he continues, "I shouldn't have approached it like that especially when you have a boyfriend now and things are good for you. The last thing you want is your loser ex trying to be friends."

"It's not ideal," I tell him, "I know we have so many mutual good friends. These people we share are our lives. And maybe I would have handled it the same way if roles were reversed, so."

That one wasn't that much of a big deal. I get it, he felt awkward and uncomfortable and I definitely did, too.

He breathed and again looked down, like something was weighing on him. And of course I know him so well so I knew something was. But he wasn't going to tell me. "But I mean, do you really still hate me? You have Lucas. You're with Lucas because of me so I guess it wasn't all that bad, right?"

Wait. Hold on. Okay. For a minute, this was going fine. He was apologizing for things. I thought for sure next he was going to apologize for something else, but nope. He's not. Now he's telling me him breaking up with me wasn't that bad. Umm...

It was the worst thing I've ever been through.

The absolute worst.

And I can't believe he wouldn't think so. I can't believe he wouldn't assume that it was the worst breakup of my life. And pretty much the only breakup. Shouldn't he gather that by how madly I was in love with him?

So now I went from mellow to angry. I'm so mad right now. "All that bad? What do you mean, you think I just forgot about you and went off with Lucas?"

"I mean, it was pretty sudden," he shrugs, "and that's fine. I'm the one who broke up with you, you didn't owe me anything..."

"Fuck you!" I spit out, not even letting him finish what he wanted to finish, "if you think I shrugged off you breaking up with me and then hooked up with Lucas the next night then just get the fuck out of my face. That is the most insulting thing I've ever heard in my whole life! Well, top three for sure."

"What?" he looked taken aback, "Gabriella, no, I, just..."

I shook my head, not believing this is where we were at. I would have never imagined this one bit.

Seriously. We were perfect.

And now I'm standing here in front of him and I'm so mad. "You broke my fucking heart. You ripped it out of me and stopped on it. And I laid in bed and cried for two fucking weeks. TWO WEEKS. Until Kendall finally dragged me the fuck out of there and made me go out. And even then, I was still crying." I took a breath and closed my eyes for a quick second to compose myself, but I couldn't. "You were my life Troy. My whole fucking life and in the blink an eye, that was snatched away from me and it hurt more than you will ever know. All because of some stupid comments I made that could have easily been debunked."

"I wasn't in the right mind frame!" he exclaimed, "and I felt everything you were feeling so I thought it was all real and even though I was feeling it, I didn't want it to be true at that moment. I was so young and so in love and I just..."

"Bullshit," I call him out on it, "you fucking left me and it hurt like hell and I cried and cried over you until I couldn't cry anymore and it's all your fault."

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, coming closer to me as if he wanted to give me a hug or something.

But I shook my head and backed up. "No."

I needed a minute. Everything was spinning and I was going to lose it even more. I can't believe I'm having this discussion.

This is seriously the worst. "You left me. You left everything we built together, our goals, our dreams, every single fucking thing and when you came back, you didn't fight for me. You left me. Again. And I'm so fucking mad at you for that. You left me when I wasn't even dating Lucas at the time."

"What?" he immediately looked confused. "What are you talking abut? I saw you guys together. He kissed you."

"Yes!" I exclaimed, getting angry, wishing he would have just interrupted us then, "we hung out three times, but after that night, I stopped it. I stopped it for six months because I couldn't fucking get over you. And once I realized you weren't coming back and you and I were done, I gave him a call and the rest is history. So don't say it wasn't all that bad for me because you don't know how it was."

"Why didn't you call me?"

Wait. What? He's the victim now? Fuck no. "Excuse me?"

He shook his head. "You should've called me. There I was thinking you were with some other guy when you weren't."

"You left me! You had not returned any of my calls the months prior," I remind him, angrily, "you were clearly done with me and I had done enough fighting for you to stay and you didn't. You didn't stay and you didn't fight for me. So don't fucking turn this around on me. You left me!"

"I get it!" he yells, "I left you. I get it!"

"Yes!" I get even angrier, "you fucking left me. And it hurt so fucking much. But I have Lucas now and you have no right to come here and try to tell me all these things. I'm happy and Lucas is... Lucas is great. And I just, I hate you so much for what you did to me."

He stays still and doesn't say anything else. His face is blank and I think I really hurt him. The fact that I could easily tell him I hate him when all I've ever told him was I love him. Well...

It is what it is. This is how life is now. I'm with Lucas. And who knows if he even wants me back, but no, I can't. I can't go back to him.

He still wasn't saying anything, so I spoke up. I spoke up for the last time. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. You left me and you didn't fight for me and I don't think I could ever forgive you for that. Knowing that you still wanted me when I still so desperately wanted you is heartbreaking and I just can't. I can't do this anymore. I love Lucas and I don't..." I can't even bring myself to say I don't love him because I know that's not true. "I just can't do this. I can't."

And with that, I turned around and I left. Tears in my eyes.

I hated this.

I hated this so much.


	15. Chapter 15

I'm laying in bed and I'm so depressed. Why did I have to talk to Troy again yesterday? I wish I didn't find out anything about everything. I wish that I didn't know that he came back and I was already with Lucas but at the same time, he could have fought for me and he didn't. He didn't fight for me. He went back to New York and forgot all about me for three years.

And that makes it all the more worse. Seriously. I would have jumped in his arms and kissed him.

But now I love Lucas and this is all so fucked up. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to see anyone. And I don't even care.

I had to get up, though, because I heard a knock on my door and Kendall wasn't here. She spent the night at her boyfriend's house which was good because seriously didn't want to explain to her why I was crying. I just wanted to be alone.

I jumped out of bed and quickly rushed to the door and opened it to no one. Seriously, no one was there.

What the heck.

I went out and scanned the place, but nope, still no one. And then I looked down. Someone left me a box. A box? I brought it in and put in on the table and took the lid off to find my things.

Things that I left at Troy's over the years, things I gave to him, things he gave to me that somehow were at his parent's house. They were my things that probably held so many memories and this was his way of cutting it off. Letting me go.

I debated whether I should even go through them, if it'll cause me more hurt or anything, and maybe I shouldn't. I left it there and went to the kitchen and grabbed myself half a grapefruit. I may get depressed, but I'm one of those people that won't stop eating. I probably eat more when I'm depressed. This sucks. Why did he drop it off? Maybe it's his way of getting closure and I get that, but doesn't he know it'll hurt me? It's probably because he's done with me. When I told him yesterday I never wanted to talk to him ever again, he probably thought I meant it because I'm not one of those people that usually spit out whatever and end up regretting it. No. So he probably thought I was serious when I said I hate him, but this is the one of the few times I've actually said something I don't mean.

You know what? I can't. I can't sit here and not go through it.

What is in the box? I got up, grabbed the box and brought it back to the couch where I was sitting. Okay, here goes nothing...

The first thing I took out was a sweater. It wasn't any sweater. It was the sweater I wore the first time he told me he was in love with me.

In California.

_I'm actually super surprised my mom let me take a road trip with my boyfriend of almost three months. _

_My dad is more of a go with the flow type guy, but my mom, well she's a bit more uptight and protective. So yeah, this is surprising. Maybe it's because Troy's family is coming with, but I'm not complaining. _

_We had a four day weekend from school and they have family here so they thought it'd be perfect. When they invited me, I felt like I was in with the family so how could I say no? I mean, Troy's sister and I were becoming fast friends and his mom adored me, according to her. So here we are in California._

_"Are you sure we shouldn't invite them?" I turn back and see Troy's family walking the other way. _

_We just finished having dinner with them and they were headed back to Troy's aunts house and Troy wanted to take a walk on the beach back TO his aunts house. It wasn't far, she lived right on the beach, so why not? It was beautiful outside, anyway. Even if it was November. _

_Troy connected our hands and slowly pulled me away, "Yes, they'll be fine. We've been with them all day." _

_"Yeah, true," I tell him, moving my over the shoulder purse to the other side so it wasn't getting between Troy and I as we walk. "This weather is the best." _

_"Definitely the best," he laughed. _

_Yep, I wouldn't mind living here, but my whole family's in Arizona so I couldn't imagine leaving. But California, Malibu specifically, is so pretty. Maybe when I'm rich and successful, I'll buy a house here. And I'll vacation with my kids and my husband. _

_We stepped onto the sand and I immediately took my sandals off and held them with my empty hand. "I love the beach so much." _

_"Me, too," he takes his shoes off as well and holds them, "for the longest, I wanted my parents to let me live with my aunt but they said no of course." _

_"Good," I laughed. I wouldn't be here with him if he had moved. Or this happy. _

_He chuckled a bit and then we walked in silence. It was so peaceful and relaxing. It was just us and the waves crashing and it was pure bliss. _

_Seriously, this is one of the best trips I've had and I was sad to be leaving tomorrow morning. _

_We walked in complete silence for a little while, just taking everything in and looking at the ocean. It was so beautiful, the moon hitting it. I could walk with him on the beach forever. Okay, I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Maybe just all night. _

_"Wanna sit for a bit?" _

_I was too busy looking at the waves crashing to hear what he just said. "Hm?" _

_But he took my hand and sat me down and it was such a beautiful view. Seriously. I love California. _

_We sat down and I tucked my feet in the sand to keep warm and put my sandals off to the side. I laid my head on his chest and together, we sat for a bit and just took it all in. _

_"I don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone before," he tells me out of nowhere, "I mean, I know I haven't." _

_What's going on? I look up at him and he's smiling at me and it's all out of nowhere. Is this because he made those careless comments to Tessa the other day? She asked him how we were doing and he said it was fine. And of course, she told me. I didn't make a big deal out of it or confront him because I didn't want to start an argument or anything. It bothered me a bit because I thought things were going better than fine, but it's okay. He has to know that Tessa reported back to me, so this is what this is. Reassurance. _

_But I haven't either. Seriously. My last boyfriend was Tim Richards and we dated for approximately four months and I was never in love with him. I like him and everything. I liked him a lot, but I wasn't ever in love with him. And I couldn't see myself getting there, but this... this is different. _

_"Me neither," I tell him, truthfully. _

_He smiled at me. I thought that was the end of the conversation so I turned my head back around and cuddled back on him and watched the waves crash some more. And the sun start to go down a bit.  
><em>

_But apparently it wasn't. _

_"And by that," his voice is soft and sweet, "I mean, I love you." _

_My eyes widened. My heart started racing. And I'm pretty sure I was about to pass out. Seriously. What?! _

_I immediately turned my head to look at him to see if he was serious or not. But I mean, why would he joke about this? That'd be the worst joke ever. Totally not funny. And he did look serious about it. He looked a bit shy, which I know he's not, and it looked like he was waiting for me to say something. And I've had enough time to think about it and really respond, but everything was still such a blur. _

_"What?" _

_He smiled at me again and looked me right in the eyes. "I'm in love with you." _

_Okay, yes, that's exactly what he told me and I could not be happier right now. Seriously. A week ago, I told Kendall that regardless of his comment to Tessa, I felt like I was falling completely in love with him. And here we are, and I KNOW I'm in love with him. _

_This was a total fairytale. We're at one of my favorite places- the beach. It's just the two of us. The moment is perfect. Oh my gosh, I'm in love. _

_I smile at him and look away really quickly, all giddy, and then finally compose myself. This was it. I was finally going to say the three little words to someone for the first time, ever. "I love you." _

_And just like that, I was in love. We were in love. And it's so crazy to think that I don't see an end to this. _

That was one of the best days of entire my life. And now, I'm sitting here and there's tears flowing down my face. He probably doesn't even remember that this is what I was wearing when we first said that, he probably just thinks it's a sweater I left there that I never got back. I wore it all the time. It was my favorite sweater. Not because of that day, well that may be one of the reasons, but also, it was just so comfortable and I didn't grow out of it.

I hated this. Should I even keep going through this stupid box?

Yes. Yes, I should.

And then I grabbed the next thing that caught my eye. It was a snow globe. And it was mine, but I left it in his room so that every time he saw it, he'd think of me and our life together. It was really cheesy, I know, but it added something extra to his room. And it was cute. Really cute.

And nowwww, I'm thinking about that day and fresh tears are starting to fall.

_"Hey babe," I walk right into his house and give him a kiss like I always do. "what are you doing?" _

_He closes the door behind me and shrugs, "Nothing, I'm just making myself some food. Where are you coming from?" _

_I turn around and hold up a bag. "I went to the mall with Kendall and bought the cutest thing," I have such a cheesy smile on my face. If anyone knew me, they'd know I'm obsessed with snow globes. I have a collection and I have no idea why or how my love of snow globes came about, but they did. _

_"Is that a snow globe?" _

_He wasn't annoyed, but he just doesn't get why I'd spend money on so many. The first few, he didn't care. But after the 14th, he thought I was just wasting my money and maybe I was, but whatever. "Yes!" _

_He let out a small laugh and gave me a head shake and then walked back to the kitchen. _

_It's my life and he totally supports my snow globe addiction, but that doesn't mean he can't find it absolutely ridiculous. There are thousands of people that share my same addiction, it's just unheard of, really, so I get the eye rolls from him and everyone around me. But whatever. I do what I want._

_"Please don't tell me this one was more than the last one."_

_I look at him cheekily as I put my hand in the bowl of grapes that were out and grabbed as many as I possibly could in my hand. "I don't remember." _

_Obviously I do. _

_He shook his head once again as he added some turkey to his sandwich that he was in the process of making, "I just really don't get it," he looks up at me with a small smile, "you're lucky you're beautiful or I may just have to break up with you over this." _

_Ha, riiight. I give him a sarcastic annoyed face as I took a seat in front of him and watched him finish his sandwich. "They're cute!" _

_"It's like an old person thing," he points out, finishing off his sandwich by squeezing some mustard on top and closing it with a slice of bread, "I mean, my grandma has like five." _

_"Well, maybe your grandma and I should date then." _

_He laughed and took a bite of his sandwich before he went over to the fridge and grabbed himself a Gatorade. He came back, took a couple more bites and then picked up his plate, grabbed some napkins and exited the kitchen. I followed him as he went upstairs to his room. He was doing some homework, but he closed his book and took a seat on his bed and I took one next to him as I grabbed his laptop from his nightstand and opened it up. I quickly searched snow globes and showed him some that I wanted to get. It was ridiculous, I know, but I can't stop. I love them so much. They're so freaking cute._

_I could hear him grunting as he was eating his sandwich and so I closed the laptop since he obviously wasn't amused. "You're going to love the one I bought."_

_He doesn't seem to be buying it so maybe I should just show him. I got up and went to grab the bag that I put on his nightstand and brought it over to his bed. I slid off my boots and hopped on top. He was still digging into his sandwich and I was over here, way too excited about this damn snow globe. _

_But he let me be and that's why I love him. "Ta daaaa," I take it out and present it to him, "isn't it so pretty?" _

_He grabs it from me and starts analyzing it. It's a Paris snow globe. Somewhere I've ALWAYS wanted to go. And I'm weirdly fascinated with that city. Like if you were to take me right now, I'd know where to go and everything. _

_"It's really nice," he hands it back to me after like a minute. There was a lot going on in the globe so it took a bit of time. Ha. _

_I smiled. I knew he meant it. "Right? I love Paris." _

_He finished off his sandwich and put the empty plate and his napkins on the night stand on his side of the bed and then washed it down with some Gatorade. "I guess this snow globe is worth it, I mean, why get a snow globe with a reindeer in it if you already have one like it?"_

_"Because it was really nice!" _

_He laughed as he put his Gatorade on the nightstand as well and laid himself on the bed. "You're really weird." _

_I laid down next to him and held the snow globe out so we could both see it. "I wanna go to Paris so bad. Like, why does it have to be so far away?" _

_"We'll go." _

_He tells me as if it's not big deal. But it's Paris! You have to plan this shit. And also, he can't fucking joke with me like that. "Stop." _

_"What?" he extends his arm around me and I snuggle up to him a bit as he reaches for his remote control, "I'm serious. Let's go. I'd want to go and you're dying to go, so why not?" _

_I sit up just a little bit and turn to face him to see if he actually means it. And like always, he does. "You promise?" _

_He looks down at me and smiled, "I promise." _

_Wow, we're going to Paris. When? In a few months? A year? Eeek! And then I get an idea. It's a bit psychotic maybe, and not anything a sane girlfriend should say, but I'm sure he'll know I'm kidding even though I'm sort of not because I don't want this to ever happen. _

_I get out of his embrace and get up and walked over to his dresser which is directly below his plasma TV. I set it down on the side of a picture of us and then turn around and give him a small smile. "I'm going to leave this here so every time you see it, you'll think about this promise and you'll think of me. And us. But mostly the promise. That way you can't break up with me. Ever."_

_He laughs and that's exactly what I wanted him to do. It was a joke even though I obviously didn't want him to break up with me. _

_"Fine, you can leave it there." _

_I clapped my hands like an excited little five year old and jumped on the bed again and cuddled up against him. "Speaking of us... our two year's coming up." _

_Can you believe it? Two years. It seems like just yesterday I had officially met him for the first time in that park. Many, many dates later, our family's gelling together perfectly, endless I love you's, and laughing until my stomach hurts... we're here. Two years. _

_"Don't ask me any questions about that." _

_Ugh. He's been so shady about the whole thing. What could we possibly be doing? I would be down for whatever. Literally. If he wanted to stay home, I'd be more than fine with that. It's cheesy as fuck, but just being with him made me happy. It really didn't matter what we did, where we went, how much time and effort went into making it special, I just loved being with him. And it wasn't wearing off. It's been two years of pure bliss (for the most part) And I'm still so in love with him. And I think he feels the same way, which is great, because I'd be devastated if we weren't on the same page. But I think we are. _

_I guess I won't say anything anymore. "Fine," I tell him letting out a sigh, but that doesn't work and he's still not giving me any hints. _

_"Love you."_

I thought about this snow globe often. I would wonder if he took it with him, which is such a stupid thought now that I think about it, or if he just left it there at his parent's house. I'm going with the second one. He probably left it there and they probably had no idea what it truly meant.

And it hurts. It hurts to see this. I still haven't been to Paris and I hate to say this, but I think about it constantly. I imagine myself there, but it's not with my boyfriend Lucas... it's with Troy.

I'm a terrible person sometimes, but it is what it is.

Maybe I should really stop going through this. But I can't. I can't stop now. Before I do, though, I get up and go grab some tissues because I've already cried over both of these items so I can't imagine what else I'm going to cry at. Probably everything.

Ugh. My life is so hard.


	16. Chapter 16

"Where have you been?"

I don't even answer my mom, I just give her a weird look as I walk past her and head straight to the kitchen to grab some water.

She joins me and she asks me the same exact question again. "Where have you been?"

Really? Where have I been? "What are you talking about?"

"You canceled on us yesterday and I don't know, haven't seen you in a few days," she points out and it is true. I was supposed to go to dinner with her and my dad and my grandma but I canceled because I seriously was not in the mood. I spent a good chuck of time reminiscing on everything and I just couldn't bring myself to go out. Especially since my eyes were probably blood shot red and super swollen. No, thank you.

I felt a little bad about it, but whatever. "Sorry, I wasn't feeling well yesterday and I've just been busy."

Not true. These past few weeks have just been crazy. Finding out why Troy broke up with me, getting my shit back and reliving all these beautiful moments in my life. Talk about exhausting.

"You sure?"

Definitely knew she wasn't buying it. She's my mom. She knows everything. "Am I the only one here?" I look around but don't see anyone else.

She gives me a nod and a worried look. "Yes, Leana's running late and your aunt Jackie, well, don't know. But you're here early." I was here early. I just didn't feel like being at my house any longer. "Are you okay? You're worrying me. You're not, you know..."

Oh, God no! No, no, no. "Mom, no way..."

That would actually require Lucas and I to have sex and it's not like he didn't want to, but I just haven't been in the mood lately. I wonder why. No, of course I know why. Ugh.

"Okay, well, then what's up? You can tell me anything."

So I did. I spilled my heart out to her and I told her absolutely everything. How Troy gave me a ride home and I just asked him straight up, I told her his answer and my response and all about Caroline's engagement party. How I spent that day he dropped all my things off crying and reliving everything in my head. It was so crazy. 3 years later and he's still in my mind. Well, as of lately. Lately, I find myself thinking about him. And I'm pouring all of this out to my mom and we're on the couch and I'm pretty much crying again. Ugh. I can't take this anymore. It really, really sucks.

My mom looked at me like she felt so bad. Like she wish she could just fix everything. "You know what sucks the most?"

She gave me the smallest of smiles as she ran her hand through my hair like she used to when I was 4. "What?"

"That I still love him."

My mom leaned in and embraced me and just held me there. I wasn't crying, I was tired of crying, but I was so sad. "It's okay to feel like that."

I knew it was. I know it's normal. I was with him for four years and I had no closure. But it sucks now because I have Lucas, he brought me this box back and now I'm left wondering what it means. Is he done with us, too? Am I supposed to fully move on and just think about Lucas and I? Probably, right? I should.

It was the first time I finally admitted it. To myself and to someone else.

"Why did he give me all my stuff back?"

She shrugged, "Maybe he wants you to be happy and this was his way of showing you that he'll stay away."

I guess I should want that. I basically told him that's what I wanted, but now that's it's happening, now that it's becoming a reality, I don't. I don't want him to stay away. "It just hurts. On one hand, I have Lucas who's been great and for the most part it's been two happy years, but then there's Troy, who I dated for four years. Four fucking years, he had my heart, mom. I was so in love with him."

My mom doesn't know about heartbreak. She had one serious relationship before she met my dad and she dumped him. And after that, she fell for my dad and they got married and they've been happily married for over 20 years now. She doesn't know what I'm feeling. She doesn't know how much it hurts.

"I can't relate," she tells me, still stroking my hair, as if she's reading my mind, "but I do know that you should never, ever be in a relationship where you're not completely happy. You shouldn't give yourself to someone unless you're giving them all of you."

She's right. I'm not giving Lucas all I have and I'm not completely happy with him. Even if Troy didn't come back, I can't shake the feeling that we only have about a few good months left. Then what?

Then I'm going to have to ask him about our future and he won't want to. And it's going to go in circles. I can already see it.

"It's not that I want to get back with Troy," I tell her, "he really hurt me, you know... I just. I'm still in love with him and it sucks. I shouldn't be. I should be over him and I should be so in love with Lucas that I can't even think about another guy but that's not how I feel and I feel awful about it."

Seriously, I feel like such a bitch.

My mom sighed, "Maybe just take some time for yourself. You're right about everything. You can't be in love with two people, you just can't. So talk to Lucas, figure things out and then talk to Troy if you want."

No, I don't want to do that. I'm still mad at him and he probably hates me now. And I just don't care. I want everything to be okay again.

"He should have never came back from New York. Everything was fine before he came back."

And now, they're not.

* * *

><p>I REALLY did not want to be at Tessa's right now. I didn't want to see Troy because it'll only make me more sad.<p>

But I had to come. I was one of her bridesmaids and this was wedding stuff. She invited everyone in the wedding party and then she said we'd make a little BBQ out of it. I already had my excuse lined up if I wanted to get out of there early, which I most likely will. Right now, until I sort everything out, it's too hard to be around him. So much has happened and getting all these things back and remembering everything together, I just, I can't be around him, really.

"Okay, so Caroline can't come," Tessa groaned after getting off the phone with her, "I mean, it's legitimate, she's at the hospital with her sister. Her sister fractured her hand, but it's still frustrating."

I mean, is it such a big deal? It's not like the wedding's tomorrow. We're just going over colors for the dresses, tuxes for the guys and we're all putting our input on how it should look like, what we should eat, little things like that.

"And Troy... ugh, he just bailed, too."

I REALLY did not want to ask why because I didn't want them questioning anything. Right now, only Kendall knows everything. So I'm really glad Melissa spoke on my behalf. Well not my behalf, but you get it. "Why is he not coming?"

Tessa shrugged and threw her phone on the couch as she turned around to look at herself in the mirror they had on the wall in their living room, "Something about him not feeling well, I don't know, he just said he was sorry and to let him know everything later."

Lie. It was a lie and I'm probably the only person that knew it.

Troy Bolton hates letting people down. If he was running a 102 fever but he promised someone he'd be there, he would suck it up and be there. That's what he does. That's the kind of person he is. (Obviously why the break up hurt ten times more than it normally would- I didn't expect this from him. At all.) So yeah, this whole not feeling well was a lie. And I can't help but to wonder if he's avoiding me. No, I know he's avoiding me. Why else wouldn't he come? Oh maybe because he hates weddings and wedding talk? Whatever, I can't think about it anymore. I'm so tired of it all. I just want everything to stop for a bit.

"You know what I was thinking about?"

Tessa gets me out of my thoughts as she takes a seat next to me. "Maybe having a destination wedding. I was looking at the hotels in Santa Barbara and it's so beautiful there. Like, I always want to move there. Maybe we will, who knows..."

California. Nooo. Obviously they don't know the significance of that state. Yes, they know we would go a lot. But it's more than that. It's really ridiculous, to be honest, but it is what it is. Like I said, it's the first time we said I love you, first time we had sex, first for a lot. So many memories.

But when she talked about wanting to move there, it brought me back to that one afternoon more than 4 years ago.

_"I was thinking about something..."_

_My heard perks up at Troy's voice. I've been deep in my studying for the past 30 minutes and we've literally been sitting in silence for a while now. _

_I didn't even look over at him, who was laying on my bed while I was on my floor with two books opened and a notebook filled with so many notes that my mind just can't comprehend right now. "About what?" _

_"About transferring." _

_Transferring? Like schools? What? "What?" _

_I couldn't lay down for this. I immediately say up and looked over at him and he was just laying there, his hands on his stomach, and he was looking at the ceiling and he looked as relaxed as he possibly could. _

_"Yeah, my buddy's planning on transferring to USC and he's starting to apply now," he tells me, "and it just got me thinking. I've been here for 19 years. And maybe it's time to get out of here, be on my own for a bit, find my way..." _

_Oh. "To where?" _

_My voice was cracking. Why is he doing this? I know he already turned down California ad I'm sure he regrets it but why would he want to leave this place? Scottsdale is so nice! And all of his friends are here. And his family. And what about me?_

_He say up and looked over at me and shrugged, "Maybe California, maybe New York. I don't know. I haven't put that much thought into it, but my grades make me eligible to transfer." _

_I'm not going to try to talk him out of it because I never wanted to be that girlfriend. He made the decision all on his own that he didn't want to go to UCLA and play basketball. He said basketball wasn't his future and he'd much rather stay behind with me and his family and friends. And I wasn't going to argue with that at all, obviously. But maybe I should have pushed him a little harder to take the scholarship. "Have you talked to your parents about it?" _

_"Nope." _

_What the heck! "Well, how serious about this are you then?" _

_He grabbed his water from my nightstand and chugged like half of it and then looked over at me and gave me a small smile. "Kind of really serious." _

_Okay, relax, Gabriella. You can't get mad at him for doing what he wants to do. It just sucks that I'm going to be stuck here without my boyfriend. The love of my life and my best friend. Or what? Are we going to break up? Oh God. I don't want that. It's been over three years, we're still so freaking happy. I don't want anything to jeopardize this._

_"Well, I hope everything works out for you." _

_Maybe it came off bitchy, but what did he expect from me? He literally just sprung this on me this random Tuesday afternoon. Like I said, he's the love of my life, why in the world would I want him away from me? _

_And then he let out a laugh. What the fuck. This is no laughing matter. Why is he laughing? _

_"Fuck you." _

_I get up and I'm about to leave my room, but he springs off my bed and comes after me before I could even step foot out. _

_"Hey, hey, wait," he turns me around and I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, "Stop." _

_Stop? Seriously? "Stop what? I'm sorry my boyfriend just told me that he wants to move, maybe even states away, so if I'm a little pissed about it, let me be. It's perfectly normal." _

_He was holding me by the shoulders and I was trying not to look into his beautiful blue eyes but I couldn't help it. I was fighting tears back so I had to look down. "You're seriously crazy if you don't think I included you in this plan." _

_I looked up at him, tears in my eyes that weren't falling yet. "What?" _

_He backed up a little bit and gave me a small smile. "I want us to move out together and go to school together, maybe get our own place. Start somewhat of a life together." _

_Okay, now there was a single tear falling, but he wiped it away with his thumb, "are you serious?" _

_"Of course. There's no way I'd move away and not have you in mind. So let's go, let's finish college somewhere else, get a place of our own, get some independence and just be free," he tells me and I'm so interested in it, but at the same time, my friends and family are everything to me, "I know you'll miss your family and friends and that's why you stayed here in the first place but it's two years not the typical four and you'll have me. We'll be fine. Together." _

_He's really thought of everything, hasn't he? Oh my gosh. I can't imagine being away from my family but I know at one point I'll have to be so why not start now... in college? And with the most perfect man. _

_"California," I tell him, "It'll freeze to death in New York." _

_He laughed and pulled me in a bit, "California, is it." _

_Is this really happening? Oh my gosh. "Let's apply to New York for fun, though. Just for the satisfaction." _

_"Let's apply everywhere," he takes it one step further than me. _

_God, I was so in love with him. It's going to be four years soon and I still fall more in love with him every single day. "You're the best." _

_He leaned in and gave me a kiss and then I rested my head on his chest for a minute just taking in this moment. _

_I was going to move out with my boyfriend, my best friend and the love of my life._

_ And to be honest, I was scared shitless, but I'd have him right by my side so I know I'll be just fine. _

I didn't cry this time. I held it together. And I'm so happy I did because even though all these girls in this room are my friends, I just didn't want to get into it right now. I didn't want to ruin Tessa's day.

"Gabs?!"

"Hm?" I look up at her.

She's giving me this impatient look, like what the heck was I doing, "California?"

I really did not want to go there, but I couldn't straight up tell her no. I'd be the worst friend AND bridesmaid ever. I just couldn't bring my problems into all of this. It was her day, not mine. "California's beautiful."

It was a vague answer, but she took it as I meant that it was a good choice.

Eh, whatever.


	17. Chapter 17

"Babe, my parents are going to Mesa tonight to visit some friends, wanna tag along and go to dinner? There are some really good restaurants over there."

I perked my head up from the couch and glanced over at Lucas who was fixing himself up a sandwich.

Mesa? Not particularly. It's somewhat of a drive and I'm SO tired.

"Sure," I tell him even though I didn't mean for it to come out. I've had a LONG day.

Tessa had us there for like three hours strictly talking about wedding stuff, which is fine, but if I would have known how long it was going to take, I wouldn't have gone. Just kidding... well, I'm not sure, actually. Ha.

"Great," he semi-yells at me. The TV is on so it's kind of hard to hear him even if the kitchen in his condo isn't too far from the living room.

It's not really great. I'm not even kidding when I say I'm so tired.

And the last thing I want to do right now is have dinner with his parents. His parents that love to talk little about life and a whole lot about business. And their accomplishments. I mean, they're nice people. They've never been rude to me, but c'mon, let's talk about what celebrity guy is the cutest.

Lucas finished making his sandwich and came over to where I was sitting and lifted my feet up off the couch so he could take a seat. Um okay. That's cool.

He also grabbed the control and it's fine, I'm not even really watching TV. I don't know why he even came over, to be honest. I guess to hang out? But for the past 20 minutes, I was laying on this couch while Lucas studied for school. So annoying.

And that's fine. He should study. But don't ask me to come over if you're not going to give me your full attention. Ugh.

"So, I was thinking..." he tells me after he takes a few bite of his sandwiches, "if we're together by then, maybe we can accompany my parents on their trip to Paris in November. The 14th to the 25th. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

I froze. For two reasons. One, it's Paris. The place I'm supposed to go with Troy. It started off as something I just threw out there, but we got serious about it. He promised me we'd go to Paris. And he promised that we'd go soon. But everyone knows how that turned out. So this is huge.

Also, November is basically a month away. We're in September. He can't see us together then? If we're together by then? Ha, what a joke? Is he serious?

"Paris?" I managed to mutter out.

He turned to me with a huge smile on his face, "Paris," he repeats it to me, "isn't that SO cool? My parents are going on business and they thought it'd be fun if we joined them, what do you think? Would you be interested in going?"

Oh wow. Umm. I don't know. "In November?"

"Yeah, that's perfect, right? Aren't you taking the month off in between clients?"

Well, yeah, but I can't believe he actually remembered that. Lately, he doesn't seem to know anything about my life. Ugh, this is all too much right now.

I sat up and grabbed my phone from the table and tried to stall my answer for as long as possible. I pretended to check my calendar even though I always check it obsessively so this is pointless. I already know my schedule for the rest of the year.

"Gabriella?"

Oh fuck. It's been too long. I have to give him somewhat of an answer. "Maybe," is the first thing that comes out.

And he looks so taken aback by it. Who turns down Paris, right? "Are you kidding me?" he says with a small laugh, but once he realizes I'm serious, the smile on his face goes away, "wait. Come on. It's Paris!"

"I know," I tell him, setting my phone down again, "and I wanna go, I just have to double check my schedule and everything."

He nods and I think he finally believes me and all is good for a minute or so, until he pushes his plate away, leans back and looks over at me. "They have THE best crepes at this one restaurant. And we have to go because I know how much you love crepes. Seriously, everyone always raves about them..."

I know they do and I know exactly what he's talking about because Paris is my city. I know all about Paris. I've dreamed about Paris for a while now and this isn't how it was supposed to happy.

"...oh and you probably don't know this, but did you know in Paris, you..."

I don't even want to know what he was going to say because I probably do know it and the fact that he doesn't know about my obsessed with Paris makes me question this whole thing once again. What the fuck.

This was too much. I closed my eyes for a second, tuning out every single word he was saying and when I caught parts of what he was saying, I just couldn't keep it inside of me any longer. Why does he keep saying maybe? And that if everything works out? What the fuck.

"I can't Lucas!" I get up and yell at him with tears welling up in my eyes, "I can't. I can't go to fucking dinner with you and your parents, I can't go to Paris and I just, I just can't!"

I turn around and attempt to walk away, but he catches me way sooner that I would have liked.

He turned me around and looked into my eyes, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I muttered, but it was a lie, obviously. And he knew that. I had just started part one of my outburst, how was I going to talk him out of it that it was nothing at all? Ha, I wasn't.

"Do you want me to give you some space to cool off?"

What the actual fuck. No. As much as girls pretend they want their space, all they want is their boyfriend to make sure everything is okay. "Lucas, I can't do this. I don't want to go to dinner with your parents because I'm fucking tired. I've had the longest day. And I don't want to go to Paris because I fucking don't want to go with you. I, I can't go with you. And all I want is for you to not move my fucking feet when I'm laying on the couch because it's where you want to sit. Fucking ask me first or just don't sit there at all. It's not that hard!"

He stood there confused by everything I was saying. And I felt bad, but it had to happen sooner or later. Everything in the past 4 months have been leading up to this. And I just couldn't take it anymore.

"The fact that this Paris trip is glazed over with, if we're still together. What the actual fuck?! You can't see us together in fucking a month?! Are you fucking kidding me right now? Like, I just can't... are you legit serious?"

Silence. Complete silence from him. And it's devastating. And very, very frustrating.

I couldn't stop talking now. "The man I'm supposed to be with, the man that's in love with me, they're not supposed to see an end to a relationship, they're just not and the fact that you don't see me in your life two months from now, that's the fucking worst. I can't. And the man that supposedly loves me should know that I already have a fucking obsession with Paris and I know everything there is to know about it. Of course I know there's this famous haunted house that people go to all the fucking time!"

That was the end of my little rant and I could go for more, but I stopped it. I just touched on things that came out of his mouth today.

And when all was said and done, he just gave me a look, grabbed his stuff and went straight for the door. "I didn't come over here for you to yell at me so I'm just going to go. You're obviously going through something right now. So call me when you've cooled down because I don't want to say something to you that's going to make you more mad than you are right now."

I could not believe this right now. Was this actually happening? No. I feel like I'm in a movie. There's NO way someone would actually just leave after hearing all of that. He probably thinks he's being a good boyfriend by preventing an even bigger fight but no. Only the worst kind of person would do that. And it can't be Lucas. No. He's my boyfriend. He shouldn't be that sucky of a person.

But he is. Obviously. He left. He just left when I started yelling.

He left and the only thing I could think about when he walked out that door is when Troy didn't.

_Troy has spent the past hour ignoring me at this party and talking to Shelby Thompson. Who is gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. _

_And not only that, but he's been acting SO weird lately. _

_"Hey are you okay?" _

_I turn to Tessa and shrug. I really didn't know if I was. I mean, yeah, Troy and I came together but something's up. I've asked him, and he says everything's fine, but I don't think I believe him. If everything was, why has he been bailing lately? Why has he ignored me ALL night? It's only been a couple days of this weird behavior but a couple days is all it takes for me to freak out over it because he's usually not like this AT ALL. So I definitely know everything's not okay. _

_Tessa sat down next to me and looked at where I was looking, "They're just talking, Gabs." _

_"It's more than just Shelby," I tell her, looking away, "he's been acting real shady lately and of course I asked him about it, but nothing. He says I'm being crazy and that everything is fine. But it's not. If it was fine, he wouldn't be talking to Shelby for an hour and ignoring me. And he most definitely wouldn't be blowing me off like he did yesterday and the day before that. He wouldn't." _

_"Well, then what do you think it is?" _

_I didn't even want to say the words because a, I don't think he's actually capable of it and b, I'm terrified it'll be true. "Tess, I'm just so frustrated." _

_Tessa sighed and turned to me, putting her hand on my shoulder, "There's no way. Absolutely no way. And if you think it'd be with Shelby, I don't think he'd be that dumb to talk to her in front of you like that. It's so innocent, trust me. He would never do anything." _

_"No, yeah," I take that stupid thought away. He would never cheat. Right? "I just, I just want to know what I did. If I did anything..." _

_"Maybe he's just stressed about finals. They are this coming week," she points out and although it's a good guess, I doubt it. Troy's smart. He doesn't need to study at all for finals. Ugh. "That could be it, really." _

_"Yeah," is all I tell her. _

_And thirty minutes later, Troy comes back to me and asks if I'm ready to get out of there. _

_I smile at Tessa, give her a hug and then we proceed to leave this party. A party I didn't even want to be at in the first place, but we had already RSVP'd like ten days ago before everything became weird so we had to come. Plus, it was a birthday party not just a regular kickback. _

_The car ride home was quiet. _

_And I just couldn't take it anymore. Once we were in my house, I kicked my stupid shoes off, threw my purse on the table in the entry way and turned back to him with so much anger inside of me, "Are you cheating on me?"_

_He immediately spit out, "What?!" _

_"You heard me," I tell him, "are you cheating on me?" _

_"Gabriella," he says my name as if he couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. And I couldn't, either. I never thought I'd have to say them. Ever. "Why in the world would you think I'm cheating on you? Because I've bailed twice on you, you think I'm cheating on you?" _

_I shrugged, feeling a bit dumb now, but still wanting to know. "Maybe, yeah. It's not like you. And I mean, you've kind of been ignoring me lately." _

_He didn't say anything for a minute. A whole minute. I looked at the clock. It was that long. He was just standing there, looking at everything, but me. _

_"You honestly can't be that surprised that I asked you this," I tell him, trying to get him to speak to me. _

_He shook his head, walking away a bit towards the living room area, but then turned around and walked back to where we were. "I'm sorry if I'm not saying anything after my girlfriend accused me of cheating. I'm taken aback by all of it." _

_HE IS? "What?! And I'm taken aback by how you're acting lately. You've been ignoring me, Troy! And you just spent the past hour talking to fucking Shelby!" _

_"Oh, so because I'm talking to a girl, that means I'm cheating?" he asks me all condescending. Ew. "Yeah, okay, Gabriella." _

_"You're such an asshole," I tell him for the first time in our WHOLE relationship. I've never uttered those words, anything near them, and it was something I've been extremely proud and happy about it, but tonight, sadly, that had changed. "I can't even look at you right now to be honest." _

_"You can't look at me?" he asks me, "I've done nothing wrong!" _

_But he has. He has done something wrong. Even if he's not cheating, how could he stand there and tell me he's done nothing wrong? "Oh, I'm sorry you're so fucking perfect, Troy. And you think I'm being dramatic and overreacting. I'm NOT. You spent a whole fucking hour ignoring your girlfriend for some bitch who is gorgeous and single. How the fuck do you explain that? Why the fuck is that even happening?" _

_Troy shook his head and looked away for a minute, probably trying to think of his next lie. "Stop being so insecure." _

_That's what he's going with? Wow. Wow. Okay. He hasn't denied it ONCE. He has not told me he's not cheating. He's just throwing it back on me and I'm not going to sit here and take it. I don't want to talk to him anymore. I don't even want to look at him. I just want him out of my house and away from me. _

_"Just go," I tell him, on the verge of tears, "you're a fucking asshole." _

_And with that, I turn on my heels, run upstairs and go to my room to cry my eyes out. _

_Thank God no one was home. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I didn't want to explain anything to anyone. I just wanted to lay here and cry and try to figure out how this is my life all of a sudden when a few weeks ago, everything was close to perfect. I had everything I could have ever wanted. I'm so in love with this guy that even the thought of him cheating, the fact that I actually have to have that thought now is heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking. _

_I sat up because I didn't want to get my tears on my pillow and as I sat up, my door flung open.  
><em>

_And in walked Troy. "No, you can't do that. I'm not leaving this house until we resolve things or we talk things out and you realize you're still mad. I'm just not and if I have to wait hours for you to want to talk, I'm going to do just that."  
><em>

_"No, Troy, go. I don't want to talk to you!" I tell him.  
><em>

_But he doesn't leave. He's just standing there. "Gabriella, I'm not leaving and I'm not cheating on you," he comes over to me before sitting down in front of me. And then he looks me straight in the eyes, "and for you to even think that is absolutely crazy. Downright crazy. I mean, why would I ever cheat on you? That would be the dumbest thing, ever." _

_Okay. Um. Didn't expect this. At all. "Well, I'm sorry that I..." _

_"No," he shakes his head, cutting me off, "I was upset that you would even think that in the first place, but I'm not going to let days past, even hours, and let you think that it could actually ever be a possibility because it's not. No way in hell would I ever cheat on you. I don't even think about it. And I'm sorry I led you to that assumption, but it was wrong of me to throw it back on you and make it seem like you were in the wrong to ask me that question." _

_"I know you wouldn't," I whisper to him, wiping away another tear that was slowly falling, "I just, I felt like I had to ask." _

_"You're my girlfriend and I love you," he grabs my face gently, "I love you so much that for the past few days, I've been busy planning something for you that you're going to have to wait to get but I promise you, I'm not cheating. I'm in this with you. And my feelings are only getting stronger." _

_Ugh now I was going to cry happy tears. I knew exactly what he was doing. He was planning me a surprise party. And he gave it away without actually giving it away. Ugh. I love him so much. I cannot believe I even asked him that. I can't believe it crossed my mind that he could possibly be cheating on me. _

_He is honestly the best. And I'm such an idiot. "I'm sorry." _

_"Don't be," he tells me, his hands still on my face, "Shelby's going through some things. She has a boyfriend, you know? And also, she's not you." _

_"I'm just being a typical girl," I tell him, "but thank you. You're seriously the best." _

_He didn't say anything, instead he closed the gap between us and kissed me like he meant it. I wrapped my arms around his waist and deepened the kiss and I couldn't believe he was all mine. Troy Bolton was the love of my life and I can't believe I've been so blessed. _

_I broke us apart and just smiled up at him. "I love you." _

_"And I love you," he tells me.  
><em>

_"Thank you for not leaving when I told you to."  
><em>

_"Never."_

_The fact that he chases after me to tell me he's sorry and to make sure I'm not thinking the worst is what Troy Bolton is all about. It's exactly what I want in a boyfriend. What I do have in my boyfriend. And I can't believe I'm so lucky. He is truly the best. Always thinking of me and never letting me go that long with being angry at him. He's always trying to make things right. Ugh. He's seriously the best guy ever and I just can't believe that he is all mine. All mine._

_And I can't believe I even doubted that for a stupid second. I shouldn't have. He's in this with me. And I couldn't be more happy.  
><em>

_He smiled down at me and sealed this perfect moment with a kiss. _

They are such different people. I know that. I've always known that. And I just, I can't do it with Lucas right now.

He walked out on me...

And I didn't end up crying. Not even one single tear.


	18. Chapter 18

"Gabriella..." I stormed into Tessa's house as soon as she opened the door. I know she wasn't expecting me since I just left an hour ago, but I didn't expect to come here either after my fight from Lucas, but I need to know some things. "You okay?"

Clearly, she could tell I was visibly upset. Mad. Or whatever. I wasn't good at hiding it. Like, at all.

I turn around and push my hair out of my face and sighed, "Tell me everything," I instruct her, "tell me everything you know about Troy."

Her eyes widened a little bit. She turned around and locked the door and then didn't say anything to me for a bit. She wasn't going to tell me, was she?

For the past three years, our friends were living their lives as if they had dropped us as friends. I wouldn't ever hear Troy's name out of their mouth just like I'm sure he didn't hear my name out of theirs. Tessa told me early on that the came to a decision to not talk about us to one another. Like even if I asked her who Troy was living with or vice versa, they wouldn't tell me. They absolutely did not want to get in the middle of us. And I totally respect it. It just means tat I have no idea how Troy's life has been the last two years and he has no idea how my life has been... I don't think.

He could have fallen in love again and got his heart broken or broken someone else's heart for all I know.

For two long years, I knew deep down I cared about what he was going, who he was with, how he was doing, but I could ask. And I didn't want to ask either. I could have probably really got it out of Tessa, but I decided it'd be better if I didn't know anything about him at all.

But now, here, I am, standing in front of Tessa doing exactly what I thought of doing a while ago, but this is real now. and I want to know everything.

"What do you want to know?"

I closed my eyes for a second and just thought about if this was really a good idea. Do I truly want to know? Yep. "Everything."

She gave me a small smile and then led me to the living room. I know she was by herself because Jared went out with the guys after our day of planning. So this was perfect timing.

I sat on the couch and she sat on the other one diagonal from me and kicked her feet up. "I shouldn't."

She probably shouldn't. It'll violate everything. "You shouldn't," I agree with her, "I shouldn't care what his life was like in New York. He left me and broke my heart and then I met Lucas and fell in love with him. I should be happy and I should be moved on completely... but I'm not. I'm not at all. And this is all so fucked up, Tess. I don't want to love him because he broke my fucking heart, but I can't, I can't stop and I just want to know it's not for nothing, you know?"

Tessa was sitting there, frowning at me and there were even tears in her eyes. She was the closest to Troy and I know she always felt so guilty about that, but really, I didn't hold it against her. I never gave her a hard time about it because we chose to combine our friends. And even though Tessa was my friend first, she was just as much Troy's as she was mine.

"I know we all have this silent decision about not talking about one another to each other, and you're both in on that, but..." she tells me and then reaches over and grabs her water bottle to take a sip, "...you have to know."

I smiled at her and nodded. I did have to know. If he had a girlfriend or even HAS a girlfriend, I need to know. I can't pine over him anymore. I just can't.

And so, she started. She started with the day he left and how everyone promised they'd keep in touch and they did. They all talked to him on a daily basis. Mainly the guys, but Tessa and Katie were the two girls who talked to him the most. And it's crazy that I didn't know this. It's crazy to me that we were able to keep the same mutual friends and that we were both able to tell them our problems, share our life with them, and it didn't get back to one another.

That's what great of friends we have. And I'm so, so thankful for them. Truly thankful. And lucky.

"...he stayed in the dorms for his first year and then he moved out with this guy named Travis who actually lives in California so they're still friends and yeah, they were roommates for two years. He said he liked it. He probably couldn't do it for four years, and three years was more than enough."

I couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of Travis. A guy. I mean, I was suppose to be his roommate. I was supposed to be there when he got up and when he went to sleep, not Travis.

Whatever. She continued telling me everything, "about a year after he moved, he met this girl Morgan in one of his classes. It was the first girl since you that he actually took interest in. One month later, they're boyfriend and girlfriend and it worked out for eight months. Even though she's from California and they wouldn't necessarily have to part ways after graduating, he just didn't see her in his future. It was mutual. She didn't see him either and I'm pretty sure they're still friends, but that was the only girl he has dated that I know of. He told me the three years went by like that and he didn't really have time."

Morgan. I wonder how she looked like, how she acted, what she was like. I mean, I'm sure she's great since Troy liked her and he's great, but my God, just hearing that he dated someone else made me feel funny inside. Did he love her? Did they have sex? We waited 7 months to do it. Did they do it?

So many questions that I don't think I want to ask. I can't. It's too personal.

"Tess, I don't know what to do," I whine to her, "I don't want to put my heart out there only for it to get crushed again, but at the same time, it's all I want. And Lucas and I, it's not what it used to be. And it hasn't been that way in a while..." She was quiet for a bit. Probably just trying to process everything. She's witnessed Lucas and I's relationship and I know she has opinions about it so I want to hear them. I want to know what she thinks. "Do you think that Lucas and I are a good fit? Should I stay with him, regardless of Troy?"

She looked away for a second and took a deep breath. Here we go... "No."

No? She's not going to elaborate? "Tell me..."

"I think you love Lucas, but you're not in love with him. He's a good guy, don't get me wrong, he's nice, he's determined, he has so much going for him, but he's not the love of your life and you and I both know that. You're not going to marry him no matter how much time you give yourselves. And this is with or without Troy. Lucas is not your husband. I know that."

Oh wow. She's straight up telling me exactly what she feels. And it's good. I love it. Kendall doesn't even tell me this. "So you think I should end it?"

She nodded, "I do. Regardless of how Troy feels right now, if you and Troy don't even give it another chance, I don't see Lucas being the father of your kids. Or being your husband. Because I don't think you ever had enough closure to be able to fall in love truly with someone else. Maybe I'd feel different if you had closure and then Lucas came along, but you jumped right into it and I know it was a way to cope and I'm sure it's been two wonderful years, but this isn't for you and I know you know that. Lucas isn't your future. I think you're just with him now because you want that... marriage and babies. I don't know. The way you look at Lucas isn't the way I look at Jared. Or the way you used to look at Troy."

"Wow," I whispered, but it was loud enough for her to hear, "don't sugarcoat anything."

She gave me a small smile, "Sorry. I know you wish it would be him, but I also know that you know it's not. It can't be."

This is her discreet way of her telling me that it has to be Troy, but I don't even know that. It could definitely be the end of us, as well. I mean, just because I'm still in love with him, it doesn't mean it'll work out. He could not have any feelings for me at all or he could, but it just won't work out in the end.

But I kind of sort of wish it was Lucas just because I'm getting older. I want to settle down and have kids. "So what do you think I should do regarding Troy?"

"You need to talk to him."

My mind went back to the last time I talked to him and it didn't go so well, "I did and it went horribly," I tell her, "Tess, he came back for me and instead of fighting for me, he fucking left me again."

She looked sad in that very moment and I wonder if she knew about it.

"Did you know?"

She nodded, "Only Will and I knew about it. I came back early from the trip and I was going to grab lunch with him and his mom and then Troy showed up and yeah, we know everything about it. And I'm sorry."

What the fuck. She knew?! "Why didn't you tell me anything? Why didn't you tell me he came back for me?"

"I wanted to!" she exclaimed, scooting up a bit, "Believe me, if it was up to me, I would have ran to your house and told you. But it wasn't. It wasn't my place and Troy, he was so adamant about it not getting out. HE saw you. He saw you standing there with Lucas and you looked happy. Genuinely happy and he thought that could be the love of your life for all he knew and he wasn't going to mess that up when he already had his chance with you."

This is such bullshit, but at the same time, I get it because that's who Troy is: a good guy. "I can't believe he came back for me. Do you realize life could've been so different? We could still be together for all I know.

Tess let out a small smile and nodded, "and married."

Whoa, that's such a scary thought. "It just sucks. It sucks that I'm finding all of this out now. I so wish he would have just fought for me. It's so fucked up but if he did, I would have jumped in his arms and forget about Lucas. He was nothing then. I didn't let it go anywhere for SIX months."

"But now he's something and you have to make a decision, without Troy in mind," she points out, "you can't base this on Troy. You can't put it all on him."

I knew I couldn't. And I didn't want to, but whether he likes it or not, he's influencing my decision.

And in this moment in time, I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep and wake up and have this decision made for me. But honestly, how can you forget your first love? In my case, I can't. I can't at all. There was no closure. There were no tense weeks. Nothing. It was pure bliss. And then just one big break up that took my by surprise.

I'm still hopelessly and madly in love with him.


	19. Chapter 19

It's been a week since I've had that talk with Tessa and I know this has to be done.

I'm still in love with Troy and regardless of what happens with us, I know I don't have it in my heart to love Lucas the way I should.

And that's why I have to call it quits. I have to break it off.

"What'd you want to talk about?" Lucas asks as he emerges from the kitchen to his living room holding a beer in his hand, "oh you know what... can I make a phone call really quick? My dad was asking me about this driver and I just remembered about it and..."

"Sure," is all I say before I take a seat on the couch as he gets up.

He goes to his room and makes the phone call or whatever and I look around the place. I'm gonna miss this apartment because it's really nice. His parents are well off and he's a spoiled guy because well, he's an only child and they bought this place for him and I'm not hating on it because my parents have helped me out tremendously, but yeah. This apartment is nice and roomy and I'm gonna miss it. It makes for good pictures, for sure.

But this needs to happen. I do love him. And I think he's a great guy. But he's not Troy. And he never will be.

If it doesn't work out with Troy, then it doesn't work out with Troy. But I know with or without Troy, Lucas and I just don't have it in us to be forever.

And that's what I'm searching for... forever.

5 minutes later, Lucas emerged from his room with his cell phone in his hand and a cute little grin on his face. His hazel eyes caught mine and I couldn't help but feel sad. We did have a lot of really good times. And he helped me get through these past few years. He didn't help me move on because well, I realized that I never full moved on. But I did fall in love. And I did have a lot of fun with him.

"Sorry," he says as he takes a seat on the couch and immediately takes a sip of his beer, "what's up?"

"It's okay," I say before taking a deep breath. This is it. We're breaking up and there's no turning back now. "Lucas, I don't think this is working out."

He immediately turned his head to look at me and our eyes met and I felt awful. I know he loves me, I know that, but sometimes it's not enough. It really isn't and there needs to be more and it's just not there with us.

He coughed a bit, and then turned his whole body towards me, "you're breaking up with me?"

"I think it's a mutual thing, don't you think?" I ask him, trying to ease the pain, trying to make it seem like it's not all my doing.

"Gabriella, I love you. What more do you want me to say?" he tells me, "do you seriously want me to ask you to marry you? Do you want me to go out and buy us a house? I'm in fucking grad school."

Whoa. Okay. Um. I didn't expect him to react like this. He's usually really calm. "No, of course not. It's not even about that anymore. It's just about the way I'm feeling lately and I honestly don't think we're each other's forever and I don't want to drag this out longer than it should be, Lucas. We both deserve to be happy. Not just say we are. And I do love you and I have loved all our time together, but you know, sometimes..."

He put his hand up as to stop me from talking, "Yeah, yeah, sometimes love is not enough, I get it."

"What do you think about it?" I ask him, trying to get his point of view, "tell me."

"I think this is bullshit," he turns to me, "I love you and I'm sorry I don't make empty promises, but I do love you and it sucks that after two years together, you're still hung up on your ex boyfriend and you're still in love with him and that's the exact reason why you're breaking up with me."

Wait. What? Okay. Ummm. Yes. He knows I dated a guy for four years, but we both agreed to not really talk about exes. And so I never got into specifics and I never told him it was Troy. I just didn't.

So why is he saying this? Fuuuck. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb, Gabriella," he looks away, "I know Troy's your ex boyfriend and I know you're still in love with him."

"Why would you think that?" I can't recall a time where I would make him think that. I mean, he hasn't been around us. He hasn't been in conversations with me and my friends. How could he possibly know that I'm still in love with Troy? "How would you know?"

He shakes his head and leans forward a bit, "you have a picture of you guys together in your drawer that I've caught you staring at."

Fuck. I knew putting that in there was a bad idea, but I just, I love that picture so much and I've kept it in there these past three years. And for a whole year and a half, it was tucked away and I didn't stare at it once. And ever since he's been back, I've peeked at it at least once a day. So it was bound to happen. Lucas was bound to catch me staring at it. But I didn't think he actually did. Shit. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I shouldn't be giving him shit at all.

"And also, that time I saw him out, he told me that he hopes we're really happy together so I'm not dumb. I put two and two together and figured it out. He's your ex boyfriend and you still love him and he still loves you."

"He said that?" I say, but then realize it's the WRONG thing to say, "I mean, Lucas, I'm sorry. I really am. I never wanted it to be like this. I thought it was over and he came back and now everything's crazy. And I'm sorry. But regardless if he was here or not, I think you and I both know this isn't right."

He didn't say anything. He just say there for a moment or two and looked straight ahead, this blank look on his face.

I really did mean what I said a few months ago. About wanting to move in and wanting to take a step forward in our relationship. But when Troy came back, everything just changed. And I feel really bad about it, but you can't help who you love.

"I'm all for people being who they truly deserve to be with," he speaks up after what felt like forever, "what really confuses me is why you paint me out as this bad guy who doesn't know what the future holds, yet you're over here pining for your ex. Still in love with him and shit."

"You're right," I shake my head, disappointed in myself, "you have a point. But honestly, I didn't figure it out until he came back."

"So you re fell in love with him?" he asks with a small laugh, "okay."

Okay. Yeah. No. He's right. "I'm sorry. I thought I was completely over him. And I did really fall in love with you, Lucas, I really and truly did and I feel so bad that this is how I'm feeling. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should want to move on and everything, but I just... it's so hard for me and..."

He put his hand up as if he has heard enough, "I get it. It just sucks this is how it's ending."

I have tears in my eyes and I know he hasn't been the best boyfriend lately, but two years together and a couple months... I mean, something special had to be there. And there was. It just didn't compare what I had with Troy. It wasn't the same. And I might be the biggest idiot for breaking up with him and wanting to have something with Troy, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

"Do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you," he tells me right away, "I'll never hate you."

"I'm really sorry," I wipe a tear away, "but thank you for not hating me. Thank you for being so... understanding."

He kind of just nods and stares straight ahead and I can't believe this is where we are. A year ago, everything was great and I was at a point where Troy barely crossed my mind anymore. I was at a point where I loved a guy that wasn't Troy and that was absolutely everything to me.

But that's gone now. And I have no idea what's going to happen next for me, but I do know that I'll always remember the time I spent with Lucas.

And a few short minutes later, I decided I was going to go and I'll talk to him later or something.

"Gabriella?" he called after me, seconds before I reached the front door.

"Yeah?" I turned around, trying not to cry.

He looks at me and then at the ground for a moment. It looks like he's taking a deep breath or something and then looks back up at me. "I know I don't know him well or have had enough conversations to truly know, but I really do think he loves you and so I wish you guys nothing but the best."

How nice is that? Seriously. That's so sweet of him and I want to cry, but I hold it together. "Thanks, Luke."

He gave me a small smile and faced forward once again.

I walked out the door, and smiled to myself at the thought of Troy still loving me and him noticing that about him.

* * *

><p>It's been a week since Lucas and I broke up and I've kind of just kept to myself.<p>

Well, with the exception of seeing my family, Kendall and Sierra because they've made their way over to me. Kendall lives with me so that's a given that I'll see her. But the rest came to me. And that's all who I wanted to see for the time being because I just feel so bad about the whole thing.

Sure, Lucas made me go crazy over not knowing what was going to happen with us, whether he wanted a future with me, but what I did was ten times worse. I loved someone else. And he just didn't know if he wanted to marry me yet which was reasonable.

Tomorrow, though, I'm going to have to see everyone. We're getting together at Tessa's for wedding stuff and I know I have to face everyone.

And then the weekend after that, more wedding stuff so I just have to face everything head on.

But I don't want to talk to Troy yet. I shouldn't. I need time. I know I'm in love with him. I know these feelings for him are still there. But I'm still hurt about everything and I'm still trying to figure out everything. I'm trying to take some time to myself and just have some me time.

"What are you gonna do?" Kendall asks me, "just go over to his house and talk to him?"

"No," I shake my head at that terrifying thought. I know he doesn't live at home. He got a place of his own so that'd be weird. "I don't even know."

"Well, you want to talk to him, don't you?"

I nod my head as I lean over and start painting my toes, "yeah, I just, I don't even know what to say. Just straight up tell him that I still love him and that we should give us another shot? Like, that's weird. We obviously have to talk about everything and then ease into the fact that I'm still in love with him."

Kendall shrugged as she changed the channel on the TV, "it won't be weird since he's obviously still in love with you."

"You think so?" I look over at her. I mean, I think deep down, I feel it, but who knows.

"Well, yeah," she looks at me as if it's not obvious or something, "sure, you're the one who asks why he broke up with you, but if he didn't love you then he would have just told you and moved on from it. He wouldn't be trying to apologize for it and tell you that he's sorry about it, you know?"

I guess she has a point. He did say he hated himself everyday for it. So I mean, I could feel it. Our love was pretty deep.

But I just don't even know where to start. How to even approach it.

And I just need some time to myself.


	20. Chapter 20

"No, I mean, it was good, I just think I needed to add a little more..." I stopped midway in telling Caroline about the chicken I made last night for Kendall and I and looked up at the sliding doors opening.

Troy Bolton walked through them and it was the first time I've seen him in weeks.

Caroline turned around and saw what made me stop talking. Troy Bolton. She turned back and gave me a small smile, "you okay?"

I nodded. I was. I think. I just didn't think he'd come for some reason. He hasn't come to the last two get togethers. Granted, they were wedding related and some of the guys skipped out, but still. "I'm fine."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

I shrugged, "I don't think so. I'm still trying to have some time for myself. These feelings won't go away in a few weeks, so maybe then. Plus, I'm sure he's not dying to talk to me either. I did tell him never to talk to me again."

Caroline's eyes widened. I filled her in, but I guess I left some things out. "That's so unlike you. Probably why he's been avoiding you."

Right? I know it's that. "Exactly. He probably thinks I meant it and I didn't. I was just so mad."

Even if he doesn't want anything with me anymore, and that'll be the hardest thing to swallow, I just wish we could get on good terms. Civil terms. Because I don't want our friends to be in awkward positions. And I don't want to have to split our friends up. Imagine having to do that? He'd probably get stuck with the majority but still, they were my friends too. Like Caroline. She was in Troy's group but when I came into the picture, we became FAST friends. Literally. She's one of my favorite people in the world. I'd probably put her in my top 5 friends. No, yeah, definitely. So it's hard for her. It's hard for everyone, really.

"I know it sounds crazy," I tell her, "but I'm going to go get some fresh air."

She laughed. We were outside. We were outside in the gorgeous Arizona sun right now. But I just wanted some me time before the madness starts. Seriously planning a wedding is such hard work and I'm only a bridesmaid but Tessa wants our input, so, it's draining.

Before Troy had a chance to see me, I snuck out the side gate and went over to their front porch. They had a really cute swinging bench and note to self, I'm definitely getting one for my house when I'm older.

It was a pretty nice day considering it's summer and we're in Arizona so I was just soaking it all in while sipping on my peach iced tea.

Everyone was pretty much here already, but I know they were all going to eat before getting down to business. And eating in this group takes a few hours. So I feel like I could be out here for a while since I'm not even that hungry. But I know I couldn't escape for that long. Caroline or Kendall, probably even Tessa, will come looking for me. I didn't need that much time. 20 minutes or so, max.

"Want some company?"

I didn't even have time to register whose voice it was. I wasn't paying attention. It wasn't until I turned my head and saw exactly who it was.

Troy Bolton. Troy Bolton was asking me if I wanted company. Umm. What? I didn't want to say yes, exactly, but I also wasn't in the space where I'd say no anymore. I was like a new person. And this Gabriella didn't hate Troy at all. Not even a little bit. "Sure."

He sat down and I took another sip of my iced tea before putting it down on the little table next to this bench. We both just sat there in silence for a bit as we looked forward. What's going on here?

He cleared his throat and finally spoke up. "How are you?"

Let's see. I broke up with my boyfriend almost three weeks ago because I'm still in love with you. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"Good," he tells me right away, "why aren't you in the back with everyone else?"

Again, let's see. Maybe because you were back there and I don't know. I'm not trying to avoid him, but I really just wanted some time to myself to regroup a bit. I hadn't seen him in so long and everything's just hitting me at once. I still love him. I'm still in love with him. And I'm not sure if I'll ever tell him this.

So I just shrugged. And I knew him better than anyone else. I knew he wouldn't push it. He never pushes anything unless he knows I want him to.

And then there was silence.

Silence for a few minutes. We were just sitting there, in complete silence, looking straight ahead. There wasn't much to look at, the houses in the front, all the parked cars, but still, we didn't take our eyes off of these things.

But then he spoke up again. "You know, I think Noah and Olivia are really nice names. And I think I would have been on board with them."

My heart dropped. What?

Is he seriously bringing up my conversation I had with Kendall, a private one I thought I was having, and turning it into something positive? Oh my gosh. This is all too much. It's also mortifying. Troy and I were serious. Completely serious. But that didn't mean we went around naming our kids. No. I know couples of like two years even do this, or one year, but we didn't. We didn't talk about marriage or kids or anything like that. Seriously, at least. So this is completely embarrassing. He wasn't supposed to hear it at all. He wasn't supposed to know. And it wasn't supposed to end things. We were SO young. We still are.

"What?" It was all I could manage to get out, to be honest.

A small smile curled up on the side of his mouth and he still wasn't making eye contact with me. "Also, living in California would also have been pretty cool, but I don't think I could ever really leave Scottsdale either, so yeah, a vacation house in California would be the perfect solution."

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. This is so embarrassing. He's repeating everything I told Kendall that night. I told her in confidence and even though, I did tell Kendall all of these things, I meant them. I completely meant them and Kendall didn't think I was a freak for thinking it. But obviously then Troy did.

"Troy, stop, no, I..."

But he cut me off. He just kept it going. "A small wedding would be great, but we have a lot of friends and family, so I'm not sure about that."

Okay, now a small smile was on my face. I couldn't believe what was happening. It's like he was answering all of my ideas and talking about it as if it was going to happen, but I didn't want to get ahead of myself. I know we have to talk about everything still. I know that and I'm ready for it.

"You're right, Kaya would obviously stay with my parents so we'd have to get a new dog. Maybe two. It depends if our kids are allergic or not. Hopefully not."

I could seriously cry right now. Is he for real? Like is he seriously sitting here being serious about wanting a future with me?

"Bora Bora would be a really cool place for a honeymoon, but the Dominican Republic would be even better," he continued, still not looking at me. But I was full on staring at him, "but are you sure you only want two kids? Because I always striked you as the girl with three to four kids being super mom."

He finally turned to me and a small smile appeared on his face. I was already looking at him and I'm sure I had a cheesy ass smile on my face with tears flowing down my face, ruining my makeup.

I couldn't believe what was happening. I knew in my heart, really knew, that we weren't done. But the fact that it's so easy and it seems like we're going to be just fine is crazy to me. It's absolutely crazy. And absolutely amazing all at the same time.

"I'd love four kids," I mutter out, surprised that I was able to even form a complete sentence while I'm sitting here in shock. Is this really happening?

He smiles and for the first time since we've spoken, he makes eye contact with me and we're both just staring into each others eyes. And it just feels like we never stopped. It just feels right. "It's crazy to even ask you to give me another chance because I don't think I deserve it, but just so you know, New York was a mistake. But I came back, messed up yet again, and spent the next three years in a rut. Trying to get you out of mind, dating someone to hopefully move on, but it didn't work out, to having to hear how happy you were. I shouldn't have left. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I have no regrets and it taught me a lesson, and I mean, sure, it taught me to not be an idiot, but it was definitely a mistake going there. I shouldn't have gone. I should have stayed with you. I shouldn't have broken up with you, but I can't change that and all I can do now is ask you for forgiveness and tell you that I have never stopped loving you, or thinking about you, and that to this day, I'm still crazy, madly in love with you."

I was crying now. But I was crying happy tears. Something I haven't done in a loooong time. And I couldn't believe this was happening. This is what I've dreamed of for so long. For months, even months into my relationship with Lucas, I dreamed that he would say these things to me and all will be forgotten and we'd go back to being the happy couple that we were.

Three years later, though? Not ideal. But I don't even care. It was supposed to happen this way. It taught me that I have no other room for people in my heart. He's supposed to be in there and only him. Because I'm absolutely, madly, crazy in love with him and I don't think I'll ever stop.

"I can't believe you remembered everything about my conversation with Kendall."

"The thing is, it scared me as much as it did because I felt what you felt. I could have married you at any given time."

We were young, but being young doesn't mean you don't know what love is. It doesn't mean you can't have a relationship where you respect and love each other. We were completely, head over heels, madly in love with each other. Real, true love.

I wiped a few tears away and couldn't believe what was happening.

He reached up and wiped a few tears away from my face as well, "I heard you broke up with Lucas and I'm sorry about that, but I think we both know that you're mine and you were always mine."

God. I loved him so much. And I know we both have grown so much in the past three years and maybe his favorite pizza isn't Hawaiian anymore, but I know his heart hasn't changed. I know that person I fell in love with is still in there so this feels right. I sill love him so freaking much.

"And I'm so sorry for being such an idiot and even letting time pass between us, but I promise you that if we can just move past everything, the only thing that will break us apart will something that is greater than the two of us."

"Can I ask you one thing?"

He looked at me a little skeptically, but nodded anyway. "Sure."

I took a deep breath for a minute and replayed everything in about ten seconds. "Where do you see yourself in three months?"

He seemed to be caught off guard by the question, only because it was such a random question to him. Not because it's this massive question I've been holding inside of me. But he chuckled a bit and then answered. "Three months? Let's see. I hope to be working at my uncle's architect firm and moving my way up. Probably still being involved with Tessa's wedding if we're being honest..."

I laughed. Yeah, we probably were going to be. She's so particular about everything and is such a freaking perfectionist that this wedding won't be done by January. It just won't. But I'm thinking off topic here. Focus.

"...if you'll forgive me about everything and we can work something out, you'll definitely be there because there's no way I'll let you go again. Maybe we'll be getting some Mexican food or taking a much needed trip downtown to get some ice cream. What about you, where's your head at in three months?"

His answer was everything I wanted and more. Seriously. That's EXACTLY what I've been wanting to hear this WHOLE time. I just want someone to see me in their future. Regardless of what God had planned for us. Just to be thought about is more than enough.

I closed my eyes for a second and took this moment in. This moment was going to change everything in my life back to the way things were.

Back to how they were always supposed to be.

"With you," I whispered.

I opened my eyes and Troy was sitting there, staring back at me with a goofy little smile on his face. The one I'd seen dozens of times before, but this time it was special. I had butterflies in my stomach, but I also felt at ease. This is where I belonged and this is where I want to belong forever.

And then, before we both knew it, we were both leaning in. And we kissed.

We kissed for the first time in two years. And it was magical.

It was everything I hoped it'd be. It was a new beginning. We were saying goodbye to the past two years and saying hello to our future... our future together.

"I love you," he tells me as we pull apart.

This moment is everything. I could hear it in his voice that he truly, one hundred percent means it and that he never stopped. "I love you, too."

We leaned back and he put his arm around me and I rested my head on his chest, something I've missed doing terribly, and we just stayed like this for some time. In complete silence. Just basking in this bliss. Everything that had just happened.

I cupped his face and deepened the kiss. Two years of not kissing him. And now I am. And he tasted so good. Like he always had. And I hope and pray that this is it. This is the person I'll be kissing for the rest of my life.

Because I don't know if I can take losing him again.

"I've missed you so much," he tells me against my lips, "you don't understand."

"I think I do," I pull away and smile at him, "I've never stopped loving you, you know."

He smiled and kissed me again. And we kissed and kissed. And kissed. We didn't really make out, but we just kissed. A lot. And it was perfect. And sweet. And ugh, it was everything I wanted right now. I just wanted him. And I wanted him to have me. And I wanted us to be together forever.

I loved him with everything inside of me and I know that's not ever going to change. It didn't change in two years... when I had a boyfriend. So imagine now.

He tucked some hair behind my ear and the kissed my forehead, "Paris. We're going to Paris. Whenever you want. I'm ready."

"I love you," I tell him.

I really and truly did. Despite everything.

And I'm going to love him for the rest of my life. I can feel it.


End file.
